Spirit In The Night
– Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar Announce They’re Expecting Baby Number 19 –
You have to admire someone who takes an idea and just runs with it. Someone who gets an idea in their head and says, “To hell with all the negatives, I’m going to do this.”
Howard Schultz did it with Starbucks, Ray Kroc did it with McDonalds and George Bush did it with Iraq … except without the franchising.
In tribute to good ideas that have been run into the ground, I think it’s only fitting that we celebrate the beginning of the school year by saluting the amazing story of Michelle Duggar.
Michelle went on the Today Show to announce, just in time for Labor Day, she is pregnant with her 19th child.
To celebrate, her kids are going to stage a hostile takeover of FTD.
Michelle and her husband Jim are members of an evangelical Christian sect called Quiverful which, coincidentally, also happens to be a pretty fitting description of Michelle’s uterus.
Apparently, this Christian sect encourages children in much the same way an election to Congress encourages spending.
Michelle has spent over 12 years of her life being pregnant — longer than most people are married.
At age 42, over one-quarter of her life has been spent spawning. Take that Coho salmon!
Michelle shouldn’t be on the Today Show, she should be getting an honorary doctorate in Obstetrics & Gynecology from Harvard Medical School.
If Michelle was any more fertile, her parents would be named Tigris and Euphrates.
On top of everything else, Michelle and her husband have given all their kids names that start with the letter “J” — Joshua, twins Jana and John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer and the still-under-warranty baby of 8 months ago, Jordyn.
This kind of nonsense is aggravating enough when you have three kids, but nineteen?!
The only way this makes sense is if the kids names all start with J in an attempt to remind Mr. Duggar to give all the screwing a rest and just jerk off once in awhile.
The Duggars have said they go through three loaves of bread a day. At that rate, the Duggars are responsible for raising food prices more than the push toward ethanol.
With 18 kids, it’s hard to figure out how the Duggar parents ever find enough time to make another baby.
Movie night in the basement must come with instructions to the kids that they can’t come upstairs until someone comes down to get them.
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“I think he really Duggar, ’cause she was too loose to fake…”
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Image: Zuma Press
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