Success Sucks! If You Let Backstabbers Kill Your Dreams

a guest post by Marsha Petrie Sue

(www.bizchicksrule.com) — We have all encountered Backstabbers at work. They are gossips, mean spirited and hurtful. In my research for the Toxic People book, one in every 30 people in high-performing business situations has been identified as a Backstabber. This rate is several times higher than that of the general population. Are you surprised? These people have little conscience or ability to change because their antics get them what they want. So what can you do to manage these emotional vampires and your mental terrorism caused by these nasty people? How do you take personal responsibility for sharpening your skills, not your tongue?

Identify the behavior.Taking credit for others’ work and finding reasons to place blame whenever anything goes wrong are typical of their malicious approach. Understand that their undermining ugliness often pushes you into toxic behavior.

Never overlook the damage Backstabbers can do. Don’t laugh at them or shrug off their behavior. If you do, it just reinforces their control and their negative positioning.

Listen for the messages they send and how you interpret their vicious banter. Do you hear, "Be careful what you say about me, or I’ll say something that will embarrass you in front of others" or "There is nothing you can do to stop me; I’m more clever than you?" Sometimes Backstabbers will even send another kind of message, such as, "I’m only trying to be helpful. Maybe you don’t see the weakness in yourself.

Learn survival tactics. One approach is to build a positive relationship with Backstabbers and anyone they have enlisted. If a Backstabber tells you that someone else in the office doesn’t like you or has it in for you, go to the person directly and ask if it’s true.

Use specific language. In testing language for my book, Toxic People, I’ve found the following to work most effectively. Maintain a strong belief in your own competencies to stop the thoughts of vulnerability. Take personal responsibility in building you. Check your weaknesses and if they are the problem, learn to change them. The Back Stabber is just one of six Toxic People that I have identified. Get ready to also handle the Whine and Cheeser, the Know-it-all, the Steamroller, the Zipper Lip and the Needy Weenie. Using the same approach for all of them just forces you into your own mode of Toxic behavior!

Above all, stay pleasant and focus on the positive intent of the interaction. A positive attitude won’t solve all your problems, but it will tick off enough people to make it work the effort! And the real key in dealing with Backstabbers at work — don’t become one.

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As an international professional speaker and best selling author, Marsha Petrie Sue, MBA, CSP (Certified Speaking Professional), is known as the Muhammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. Her book Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons Or Duct Tape was released in 2007.

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