the Big Ten: NASCAR Mania – Results

The votes are in, and I’ve tallied your winners. So, strap in, and let’s get you ringside for the first-ever NASCAR Mania! Enjoy!

Rookie Brawl – Five Way Elimination Match:
Patrick Carpentier and Regan Smith eliminated one another via a double countout. Dario Franchitti pinned Sam Hornish Jr via a Small Package. Then, Michael McDowell closed the match out by defeating Franchitti with his patented finishing move, the “Suicide Spin,” to pick up the victory. Following the match, Aric Almirola attacked McDowell from behind, claiming that he should have had the opportunity to compete in the match, stating that he, too, is a rookie – even if not by NASCAR standards.
Winner: Michael McDowell

East Coast vs. West Coast: Tag Team Match:
Elliott Sadler / Denny Hamlin vs. David Gilliland / Kevin Harvick
Hamlin and Sadler dominated more than half the match and appeared to have the victory well-in-hand when DaLana Harvick strutted down to ringside and distracted them. This gave Gilliland an opportunity to dropkick Sadler over the top rope, and the two proceeded to battle outside the ring. With the ref distracted, DaLana then slid Kevin a metal folding chair, which he smacked over Hamlin’s back before making the cover for the win.
Winners: David Gilliland & Kevin Harvick

Battle for the ESPN Booth:
Rusty Wallace vs. Dale Jarrett
The two battled one another feverishly, and the crowd was really getting into this battle of the legends. Late in the match, Rusty attempted to suplex Jarrett into the turnbuckles, but DJ blocked with his foot on multiple occasions before reversing it into a variation of his finishing move, “the Special Delivery.” He nailed the move and made the cover for the three count.
Winner: Dale Jarrett

Battle of the Legends … Sons:
Dale Earnhardt Jr vs. Kyle Petty vs. Casey Mears
Casey Mears was dominating the match, going to town on both of his competitors. After throwing Earnhardt Jr to the outside of the ring, he was setting Petty up for the kill. He stomped away several times to Petty’s right knee before applying the figure four leglock. Just when it looked as though Kyle was going to tap, though, Earnhardt scaled the top turnbuckle and signaled for his finisher, “the Whisky River!” He nailed it and proceeded to make the pinfall on the unconscious Mears.
Winner: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Hair vs. Hair:
Jeff Gordon vs. Jimmie Johnson
In this highly anticipated battle of the villains, the momentum switched back and forth several times, but in the end, it was Jimmie Johnson picking up the win. He was able to land his “Three-Peat” after Gordon missed with the “Drive for Five.” Fans then watched on as Johnson proceeded to shave his tag team partner bald.
Winner: Jimmie Johnson

Loser Leaves Match:
Paul Menard vs. Robby Gordon
Despite the ramifications of this match, several fans in the arena chose to take an intermission at this time, and the pay-per-view channel itself even went to commercial. We’re told, however, that Gordon did pick up the victory and that Menard must now leave and never wrestle again. Incase you were wondering, yes, FOX coincidentally happened to have majority ownership in this ppv channel.
Winner: Robby Gordon

Tag Team Match:
the Busch Bros (Kyle & Kurt) vs. the Waltrip’s (Darrell & Michael)
Coverage of this event finally returned about five minutes into this matchup, at which time the Waltrip Brothers were well in control. They finally polished their foes off when Darrell reluctantly took Kyle out with the “Boogity Slam.” After the match, Darrell attempted to befriend Kyle, but the youngster just stormed out of the arena, refusing to offer his comments to reporters.
Winners: the Waltrip’s

Cage Match:
Jack Roush vs. Lee White
As several of the Roush and Toyota drivers surrounded the ring on the outside of the cage, these two enemies battled ferociously back and forth. Both men tried to escape the cage several times, only to be dragged back down. Finally, a bloodied Lee White attempted to crawl out through the cage door, only to have it slammed in his face by Carl Edwards. The impact knocked White out cold, and Roush was able to escape the cage with the victory!
Winner: Jack Roush

#1 Contenders Match:
Carl Edwards vs. Ryan Newman
Edwards stormed the ring like a madman and absolutely pounded Newman from pillar to post, scoring several near falls in the early goings. About 15 minutes into the match, however, Edwards appeared to be getting a little too cocky. As he was posing to the crowd, Newman staggered to his feet and attacked Edwards from behind. Newman’s offense lasted several minutes before setting Edwards on the top turnbuckle for a superplex. Edwards was able to push Newman away, however, and then proceeded to turn around and … he nailed Newman with a backflip from the turnbuckles! He made the cover and scored the win to earn himself a match with the winner of the Heavyweight Title match!
Winner: Carl Edwards

Heavyweight Title Bout:
Tony Stewart vs. Jimmy Spencer
The two men beat each other to a bloody pulp in an effort to be crowned as the first-ever DYN World Heavyweight Champion. Both men came close to getting the three-count on several occasions in this matchup that last nearly a half hour. In the end, though, it was Stewart walking away with the hardware after he punished Spencer with his devastating “Smoke Screen.” Stewart was immediately interviewed by Marty Smithson in the middle of the ring. As he drank his Coca Cola and snacked on two Subway Subs, the Champ talked about how he was looking forward to his upcoming match with #1 Contender, Carl Edwards. We’re still not really sure what it has to do with anything, but in the interview, Tony made several comments about blown tires and give ‘n’ take.
Winner: Tony Stewart