The Fight Night 3 Demo is Fight-eningly Annoying

I downloaded the Fight Night 3 demo off of XBL last night and while it looks pretty, it’s definitely not something I’m into. I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t figure out the controls (to this day, I’ve never been able to get used to FN controls, I kept hitting ’start’ but my super punch wouldn’t work), or because Roy Jones, Jr. kept running from my haymakers or because I was ashamed to have a boxer with B-Hop as a nickname.

The demo made me laugh though. Firstly, they start up the demo with the words “ACTUAL GAME FOOTAGE” plastered on the screen much like you might introduce Christ if he appeared on telly for the first time. EA doesn’t mean to toot its own horn here, but, wait, it does.

Secondly, the commentary is ree-dic-ulous. Why there are professional commentators at the local gym is beyond me but they were pri-tee fierce. One very literal comment made:

He didn’t dodge or block that punch well enough and that’s why he got hit.

AWESOME.

I should also mention that it was off at times. For instance, I’m pounding away at Roy’s face and then he gets one (and only one) punch in and, according to the commentators, “The tables have turned.”

My cousin’s theory is that I just don’t like boxing games then because this is what they are like and I have to agree with him. If it’s boxing I’m into then it has to be arcade style. Actually, most sports games I’m into are arcade style and so it makes sense that I wouldn’t like a realistic sparring match.

So, if you like boxing, then you’re in luck. If you happen to like slow, stretchy-looking blood squirting out of clay mouths, you’re also in luck. If you’re into dudes, that’s weird because it’s a video game and you shouldn’t be into video game dudes – gay or straight.