The Fine Art of Small Talk

The Fine Art of Small Talk

by Merci Miglino

We use small talk to connect with others in a casual way, and by becoming more mindful of the way we interact with those we don’t know well, we take the first step toward building quality relationships. We start by being fully present and talking about what is right there in front of us—the weather, your client’s new car, your neighbor’s flowers, the pictures on the walls in the office.

Be yourself. We typically run into trouble when we are trying to be something we are not. Talking negatively about anyone or any company is a bad idea. Stay neutral or silent.

Good small talk indicates:

Awareness - Did you notice that new haircut, office chair, or necktie? You can show others that you are paying attention by mentioning subtle changes.

Friendliness. You could just smile and nod, but making a benign comment or asking a question shows that you are truly interested in taking the initiative in the conversation.

A Desire to Connect. By engaging in light conversation with others, you are indicating your interest in getting to know them better.

Sensitivity. You’re trying to build a bridge, not a wall. Ask questions and look for cues that let you know how the other person is receiving your comments.

Tips for Working a Room

In many networking events, you will find yourself with time to “mingle” among the other attendees before the formal program begins. It may be beneficial for you to spend some time planning and preparing how you will “work the room” to get the most from your efforts.

Don’t stay too long in one place. After eight to ten minutes, excuse yourself with a pleasantry such as, “It was nice meeting you … “

Many networking events will feature a meal if held during meal time hours. It is crucial to practice good table etiquette to make the best impression.

Sit and listen. Start the conversation by asking questions: why people are there, what they hope to gain, how they found out about the event. Avoid monopolizing the conversation.

Keep your business cards handy. Do not deal them out impersonally.

Smile! Remember, one way to keep from looking angry (your “not smiling” facial expression) is to pick a “cue” to use as a mental signal to look happier. For example, at a Holiday party you might say to yourself that every time I see the color red I’ll smile. People will want to talk with you if you look mildly happy and interesting, so some times you have to work at that perception.

Saying a new name to yourself about five times right after hearing it will be helpful in remembering. Use the invisible writing the name on the person’s forehead (I’ll explain!)

Eat a little bit and drink less. Keep in mind that you are really here to network and not to eat your dinner.

No Sales Pitches! Networking is about meeting people and getting to know them. Listen and ask questions, you’ll be practicing good sales skills that will come in handy at a different time.

Before striking out on her own, Merci Miglino promoted ideas and people within the
New York political scene for nearly 20 years. A former teacher, reporter, communications director, campaign manager, Merci now manages a successful practice as a career and business strategist and Certified Professional Coach for individuals and organizations. She has achieved a master level of coaching with over 2000 hours of experience and currently teaches certification courses for the International Coach Academy located in Sydney, Australia. She is the former Chair of the International Coach Federation’s Public Relations Committee and Chapter Leader for the Albany, NY Chapter. Visit her at http://www.mercimiglino.com

(Photo courtesy of Merci Miglino)