The Guy Who Made Lance Armstrong’s Masking Agent Is Really Due for a Nobel Prize

In bicycling, everybody cheats. Which really makes it not cheating. Which is why people don’t really care that everybody cheats in bicycling. Also, it’s bicycling, so unless you’re a young Daniel Stern or Dennis Quaid, you don’t care too much in the first place. They’re just guys riding bikes. If they need a bit of testosterone to make up for those silly shorts, who am I too stop them. So when the winner of the 1996 Tour de France announced that he had doped, it elicits little more than a shrug. When the Floyd Landis hearings devolved into a circus, it wasn’t from revelations about doping, but revelations about backroom offers and threats.

As long as nothing happens to Lance Armstrong, it remains uninteresting and distant. So, thank you, creator of Lance Armstrong’s doping mask, thank you for making me not have to care about cycling. Matthew McConaughey thanks you too.