The Sun Is Pregnant

No Spotting This Month As Sun Misses First Period In 100 Years

The sun is scheduled to hold a press conference later this afternoon to confirm reports it is pregnant after a doctor’s report leaked to the press indicating that, for the first time in over a century, the sun experienced no spotting this month.

Rumors have circulated for some time on Venus that the sun was seeing another star seriously, but news of a possible pregnancy is said to have infuriated the sun’s  father, HE0107-5240, a long time advocate of family values.

The sun has said it would like to keep the baby and plans to marry the father, a self-described 5 billion year old “f–in’ red star” from a neighboring galaxy.

Friends of the sun said they figured it was only a matter of time before the sun got pregnant. “She’s kind of a slut,” said Alpha Centauri who attends Stephen Hawkins High School with the sun. “It seemed like every day she was going down on someone.”

The sun’s parents have asked that the media and astronomy bloggers respect their family’s privacy and quit staring at them with telescopes.

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Looks sexy in this light

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