The Ten Worst NCAA Div-I Mascots
February 28, 2008 by Allison Boyer
Filed under Football
Ya’ll know that I’m a fan of Penn State – and I’m a lucky fan in the respect that PSU has a pretty great mascot. Who doesn’t love the lion?
But not every team is so lucky. In fact, there are some downright laughable mascots out there. Listen, I respect every team in NCAA…but who CHOSE these mascots?
Tennessee Volunteers: Oh no, here comes the VICIOUS volunteers. WATCH OUT! They might donate blood or rescue some puppies!
Ok, ok…I’ve since been told that “volunteers” is for the volunteer soldiers of the Revolutionary war. And yes, soldiers are much scarier than Red Cross workers. But why didn’t you call yourself the soldiers or warriors or something…why “volunteers”?
Ohio State Buckeyes: I had no idea what a buckeye is, so I looked it up. Wikipedia says it’s a tree. A tree? I guess the mascot is supposed to be nut from the tree? All I know is that it kind of looks like a turd.
Illinois Fighting Illini: Seriously? Your mascot is yourself, fighting? I’m assuming that’s what an “Illini” is, after all. At least the Notre Dame Fighting Irish have that cute little leprechaun man mascot.
Yes, yes, Illini have the Indian chief as their mascot. I’ll just come out and say it right here, right now: if your mascot is a person, there’s a good chance I think it is a stupid idea. I like mascots that are intimidating animals or other destructive forces like tornadoes or hurricanes. I mean, maybe like, a warrior would be ok. I have no beef with Hawaii. But there were plenty of really peaceful Native Americans. Yeah, I’m one of THOSE who thinks that it is stupid to have a Native American mascot. For the record, “Fighting Irish” and “Ragin’ Cajun” is stupid too.
Purdue Boilermakers: Ok, this may be a weird choice, but at least boilermakers are intimidating. Don’t believe me? Call up your local boiler company and tell them that you’re going to kick their asses. I bet you some large, muscular, smelly, grumpy men show up at your door. Just a guess.
Minnesota Golden Gophers: I’m sorry, but I just can’t take a golden gopher seriously. I’m sure gophers are vicious when provoked, but I keep thinking of that furry little creature from Caddyshack, gold-plated.
Nebraska Cornhuskers: Husking corn isn’t exactly scary. In fact, it is just kind of useful. Thanks, Nebraska…your mascot is thoughtful.
Akron Zips: A zip? I think they use a kangaroo as their mascot, which is kind of funny. But really, a friend who lives in Aussie told me that kangaroos are actually quiet mean. So, ok, Akron, you made my list – but at least your mascot and knock out its enemy with a single kick.
Oklahoma Sooners: I’ve asked a few people now, and no one even knows what a “sooner” is…All I know is that Oklahoma pulls out a covered wagon. Your mascot is a wagon? That doesn’t even make sense.
I’ve also since been told that a “sooner” was a settler, back in the day. Which…also…sucks…
But I did love Oregeon Trail. Watch out for snake bites and dysentery.
Syracuse Orange: “Orange” makes even less sense than a wagon. How the hell can your mascot be a color?
South Carolina Gamecocks: Now come on. This just leaves the door open for all kinds of ridicule. Strangely enough, I have a feeling that drunk frat boys like to yell “I’m a COCK!” around campus, though.
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Oh dear, oh dearie dearie me, some of those are terrible!
The Gamecocks are the obvious choice to ridicule, but Cornhuskers and Boilermakers? Were they on drugs when they came up with them?
Crack, I believe, Dave.
I can’t imagine anyone being intimidated by the Maryland Terrapins. I mean.. a turtle? Watch out, he snaps!
My school just started a petition to change our mascot from the “Clark Cougar” to the “Fighting Freuds.” It makes sense to me, as I have never seen a Cougar on campus (but do not dislike the animal that is native to, or brother of, my dear love, the Penn State Nittany Lion), but there is a HUGE statue of Sigmund Freud on our main campus. Clark University was the only school he ever spoke at in the states. They say it was the only one because he hated it here so badly. Hah!
Go Fighting Freuds.
Oh Allison,
The Tennessee Volunteers are revolutionary soldiers (that’s their nickname, their mascot is Smokey, the coonhound).
The Illini – are native americans – and their main symbol Chief Illiniwek is pretty cool – Illinois has been in an ongoing battle with the NCAA regarding their mascot – it’s quite sad.
The Boilermaker is actually a train – the boilermaker special – The boilermakers are, generally, engineers. Purdue Pete (the giant headed thing) is a secondary mascot.
Sooners were squatters who entered the Oklahoma territory before the official opening of the land – therefore, known as Sooners (quite odd to glorify cheaters, but whatever).
The Orange were the “orange men” – with a native american as their symbol – for pc reasons, the name has filtered down to “The Orange” and their big citrus mascot. As far as colors go, Harvard’s nickname is “the crimson” (but then they have john harvard as their mascot).
Yes, the buckeye is a horse chestnut – and the leaf of the tree (the “achievement stickers on the back of the helmets) looks like marijuana.
Maddy,
And they’re all still very bad mascots…
Well, maybe not Tennessee. But “soldiers” would have been much better than “volunteers”.
Anytime anyone knocks the Buckeyes, I have to chime in (and concur)! My husband has called them the Nutheads ever since I explained to him what a buckeye was. Silliness.
Although i know a buckeye is a nut and not very intimidating, atleast it has to do with the state (its the state tree). But Akron and Zippy the kangaroo?? When was the last time we saw a Steve Irwin Special done from Ohio? And if we are goin for intimidating here, what about Santa Cruz and the Banana Slugs? Then theres the Blue Hens of Delaware, the Minnesota golden Gophers, and the Big Red of Western kentucky. these dont inspire much fear or make me think of their schools other than they are the mascots. Atleast when i hear buckeye, i think of the state of ohio in the same breath as the university. But personally, my pet peeve are the schools that have mascots that dont match the spoken name of the mascot. For example, the Alabama Crimson Tide and their mascot is an elephant. or, and im pickin cuz im a Duke fan, UNC with the Tar Heels and thei mascot is a ram?? Yall think about, I’m Daniel
Being from the other side of the globe, the only mascot I know about is the razorback. Someone once threatened to buy me a razorback hat, but fortunately she couldn’t find any for sale.
I do wonder how a razorback hat would go down at a cricket match, though.