The Threat To Baiodiversity, Part Two

In Part One, we learned how rising global temperatures coincided with a drying up of acting opportunities for Scott Baio.

Part Two of our series examines the darker side of Scott’s career and how global warming threatens the moral fabric of our society.

To the untrained observer, Charles in Charge appeared to be a sitcom about a typical Garden State family who needed weekly guidance and life lessons from the live-in help.

In reality, the series was a thinly veiled attempt to promote an alternative lifestyle of bondage and discipline among impressionable teens.

It seems so obvious to us now, but back in the 1980s not many people saw through the veneer of respectability and recognized Charles in Charge was about a group of submissives who paid a dominant male “nanny” to oversee their every move.

Even the program’s theme song was rife with sexual innuendo:

New boy in the neighborhood
Lives downstairs and it’s understood.
He’s there just to take good care of me,
Like he’s one of the family.
Charles in Charge
Of our days and our nights
Charles in Charge
Of our wrongs and our rights
And I sing,
I want, I want Charles in Charge of me.

I want, I want Charles in charge of me…

The only way the meaning of this show could have been any more obvious was if Charles wore a leather hood and carried around a wooden paddle and a ball-gag.

After the 1980s, as global warming increased, Scott Baio appeared sporadically on television in guest spots on such shows as Full House, Touched by an Angel and The Nanny. Often, these shows would be sponsored by major oil companies who used the opportunity to argue that rising temperatures hadn’t really affected the actor’s career.

Stories linking Baio romantically (okay, so it was sexually) to actresses such as Pamela Anderson, Denise Richards and Heather Locklear also led many people to conclude Chachi was as vibrant as ever.

The veracity of these stories was later called into question when it was discovered that Parade, Us Magazine and the National Enquirer all had taken money from Exxon.

The truth of the stories was also questioned due to the fact they were reported in Parade, Us Magazine and the National Enquirer.

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“Oh, yeah … I want Charles in charge…”

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Warning: Video shows graphic depictions of domination, latex fetishism, humiliation and choking

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In Part Three, we’ll discuss whether Baiodiversity or biodiversity are goals we should be looking to achieve. The shocking conclusion … next on Bizlevity!

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Photo credit: EveryStockPhoto.com

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