The Weirdest Threat (?) I’ve Ever Heard

I really don’t want to write about the Clemens steroids thing. I really truly don’t. The story itself is remarkably boring. McNamee says Clemens took steroids. Clemens says he didn’t. Congress doesn’t have better things to do, so they get involved. Ho-hum. But the star of this whole process — the one who makes this remotely interesting — has emerged. That star is Rusty Hardin. From the name that seems vaguely obscene, but actually isn’t, to the odd statistical defense, to his most recent gem, Clemens’ lawyer has been utterly fantastic.

Hardin was quoted in Sunday’s New York Times as saying it would be “brazen” and “unbelievable” if IRS Special Agent Jeff Novitzky, a key prosecutor in the BALCO drug cases, attends the hearing.

“If he ever messes with Roger, Roger will eat his lunch,” Hardin was quoted as saying.

Uh…what? This is apparently being interpreted as a threat. If it is a threat, it’s really quite obtuse. To me, it sounds like it would be more threatening to make someone eat your lunch rather than eating their lunch. “If you mess with me, I’ll make you eat my lunch!” Eh, really, lunch consuming isn’t intimidating in any way, shape, or form. You did it again, Rusty!