Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Thighs
August 10, 2008 by Kelly Turner
Filed under Fitness
I check people out at the gym. Both males and females. Not in the traditional, creepster sense, but in genuine admiration.
The other day I was on the elliptical and spotted a girl with AMAZING legs. You know the ones: those thin, toned, runner legs I would do anything for, except, you know, run many, many miles a day.
This is the point when my thoughts can go one of two ways. I can think of how much I hate my legs, how I could never get those legs even if I tried and how I secretly wished that her car would break down on the way home and all her worldly possessions would suddenly catch on fire, because for some reason women wish bad things upon other women. And, yes, it is usually out of jealousy, no matter how much they insist it is not.
I tend to go the other direction, and simply think: Good for her.
I have found that the more I admire other people, the more I appreciate myself, and my own hard work.
Its easy to look at someone with a body you want, and instantly think “why can’t I have that?” Next time, instead of putting yourself down, use other people to pump yourself up.
She obviously works hard and good for her. If I want what she has, I must as well. So I will now work hard. Good for me. I won’t be able to have those legs exactly, but I can work to get mine the best they can be.
How often do you compare yourselves to others? How many negative thoughts about your body do you think a day?
Think of all the wonderful things your body does for you. My legs have always been my “trouble spot,“ but they have walked me into every great adventure I have experienced and away from every bad situation I potentially could have gotten myself into. Take some time today to think about the positive things about your body you usually complain about. Take some time today to look at yourself and say, “I like how I look, and its only going to get better.”
I think this is such a great idea, and one that I’m sure many women would benefit from trying. I know I am guilty of thinking hateful thoughts (minus that one about the worldly possessions catching on fire), so next time I’m at the gym, I will make it my goal to try the other approach. Thanks!
kelly, you always have the best, most thoughtful things to say, and i love reading it!!
women get too down on each other. we should use each other for positive motivation!
as always, thanks for being so smart ;)
This is a great way to think! I also admire those who are working hard at the gym..it inspires me to push myself a bit harder.
Also, I’ve just discovered your blog a while ago and it’s other thing that inspires me to work hard! I love it.
Great post. I’m finally starting to reach the point now where I am comfortable enough with myself to accept the great bodies of others without scrutiny or jealousy, and it has taken quite a while to get here. Obviously there are still many moments of jealous thoughts and envy, but I no longer “hate”, or so to speak, those girls who walk around without flaw and seem to have it all. As you said, good for them.
Excellent post. My worst ‘comparison habit’ has more to do with comparing what I *can’t* do and what other people (you know, the ones that didn’t just start working out last year) *can* do. I’m mostly handling it by switching to comparing what I can do now vs. what I could do last year. 56 pushups vs 0 pushups, for example. That seems to be working well.
Love it! That’s what I try and do as well. Sometimes I’m not always successful but I do try. I also like to try and learn from people I admire. So if I see a girl with really great guns, I’ll ask her about her weight routine. Most people love to share and it gives me good tips I can use:)
I echo everyone else when saying, excellent post.
“I tend to go the other direction, and simply think: Good for her.”
I am soooo happy you wrote that and feel that. It’s something I’ve been working on myself. And ya know what, chances are that she was looking at you and hopefully thinking good for her for having those awesome arms!
- Heather
I think we ALL subliminally do it non-stop.
Great post. I too check out other people and admire them for their physiques. There is an instructor at lifetime with the most Amazing arms. So I went up to her and told her because she deserved to know. I know that my arms won’t look that way but that is okay because if I work hard it can happen.
That is what I wish every one of my friends would think when they start insulting their bodies and poking at their “imperfections” while looking in the mirror. I’ve always found that I work hardest and see the most results in my fitness when I say, “Hey, I look pretty good!” You don’t put effort into things you don’t value, so I think you are so right on with this one. When we value what we’ve got, we strive to make it better.
amen on the like how you look and on the fact that she could have the greatest legs evah and it wouldnt make YOUR LEGS any less amazing.
Great idea! And the thing is, that girl with the awesome legs is probably looking at you thinking, dang I wish I had her arms. lol.
It’s funny, cause I was just thinking about self confidence and body image last night… I am occassionally surprised that I managed to grow up with the self confidence that that I have (I give credit to my amazing parents). Seriously, I have always been heavier than my friends (and usually a good 5 inches taller) but I think I have always had less body issues than they have. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have had my moments, and I have my issues, but for the most part, I think I look pretty damn good. Sure, I could stand to loose about 30 pounds, but I’m getting there, and I am definetly healthier and happier than I have ever been. Course sometimes I still get really envious of the little tiny girls that I will never EVER be (I’m 5′7″ and my fat free mass is 138), but mostly, I’m pretty happy with me.
I’m babbling. I’ll shut up now. :-)
I do compare myself to others but the more I get into fitness the more I realize how useless those comparisons usually are. My body is my body and I have to deal with it. I work hard, but I will always have thicker thighs than most – it is just genetic. I can only focus on improving my situation. If I try to compare myself to the Oxygen mag cover girl I will always be disappointed! Who can live like that? I do notice that I when I do fall into the trap of “hating on” other women it is outside of the gym rather than inside of the gym. At the gym, we are all equals working on ourselves. Outside, it is too easy to speculate that some girl is just genetically blessed and doesn’t even have to work hard for it.
I often am riveted by people with Amazing, Fit bodies. (e.g. I can’t keep my eyes off Dara Torres…)
I think Sirenjess has a very good strategy. The second I start feeling envious of someone, I make an effort to say something like, “You’re my hero!” (to girls who are far faster runners than me) or “I covet your arms” (to certain bloggers).
Then I walk away feeling better about myself, not worse, because jealousy makes me feel uggg-ly.
I think we are so critical of other women because we think other women are critical of us, because we are being critical of everyone we see….vicious cycle.
but just like how everyone has something they aren’t content with (yet) everyone has something they are proud of. focus on that instead.
my problem is, since I like my arms best, I work those out the most. It should probably be the other way around- but ah well.
Very nice post!
I do this too, all the time. I love checking people out and admiring how much work they’ve put into their bodies. And I think you’re right about that vicious cycle of being critical… everyone is always afraid of being judged.
GREAT points. Coveting is a weakness I am working on. It is so true that the energy you send out flows back so why not think good thoughts of others!
I would love it if you would pay me a visit Be Naturally Well and add your blog to the roll.
If you had some extra time to spare I just started a forum there a Details on the site.
Many Blessings,
shelley
Great post. I used to find myself being so negative, in a jealous sort of way, but now that I’m worked to improve myself physically and mentally, I’ve begun simply thinking: good or her (or him).