Three Signs That the Planets Aligned for Boston

In case you haven’t heard, the Red Sox blew away the Rockies 13-1 in Game 1 of the World Series. (Again, Josh Beckett’s ex, a.k.a Cleveland’s Star-Spangled Singer of choice, was a no-show). Red Sox Nation is ecstatic but smartly withholding the smug—it’s only been one game. 

That being said, there were at least three signs that the Sports Deities favored the Sox last night.

1. Eric Gagne had a 1-2-3 ninth inning, giving up no runs and no hits. Seriously. You might think I’m joking, but I swear on a stack of bibles as high as the Green Monster, it’s true.

2. Sox Manager Terry Francona sat still. That is, when the camera panned to him in the dugout, we didn’t see the usual rocking back and forth a la Dustin Hoffman’s title character in Rain Main when he’s about to miss an episode of Judge Wapner. (Kudos to The Bee for pointing out the skipper’s quirk. Quirks=potential blog foddah!)

3. Not all-that-fair-and-balanced FOX pricked a hole in the Sox victory balloon—but they didn’t flinch. After putting up with 7 straight games of rah-rah Cleveland, Boston fans were not exactly stunned by the broadcasters’ pro-Rockies bias. Even less of a surprise was the post-win interview with Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis, in which FOX Sports helpfully pointed out that “history isn’t on the side” of teams who rout in Game 1. 

To which Youk replied, “History? Kiss my cleats! Listen, pal, I’ve been to Cooperstown, I know all about history. We MAKE history! Check your stats–this was the most lopsided Game 1 evah, more than any othah in the history of the World Series.”

*Sigh* Sorry, that was us indulging in a fantasy. Youk said no such thing. (Plus, he’s from Ohio, so he doesn’t have a Boston accent). He merely placed a big ol’ scoop of Ben & Jerry’s vanilla on his plate and talked about how the Sox were swinging the bats well, how they need to keep the momentum going, and so on.

We understand the need for professional athletes to be snark-free. We’re just glad we don’t have to be!