Tony Sparano Named Powerless Figurehead for Parcells Regime

Tony Sparano, who previously held the vaguely-titled job of Cowboys assistant head coach, now has a much more specific job — a job where having a great season then choking in the playoffs would be appreciated, even applauded. He’s the new Miami Dolphins head coach. Not bad for someone whose previous head coaching experience was at the University of New Haven. Since he’s Parcells’ guy, he’s now the Dolphins’ guy. Oh, he’s definitely Parcells’ guy. Observe:

“I’ve coached for a lot of people and worked for a lot of great coaches,” Sparano said at a news conference. “Coach Parcells has taught me the most and prepared me the most for this job. …

“I know Coach Parcells is here as a resource for me, and I’m going to use him as much as I can.”

Also, his name sounds suspiciously like Tony Soprano. Very suspicious, especially considering everyone knows the “it” HBO show is The Wire.