Top 10 Stupid college team names
February 5, 2008 by Rich Carlson
Filed under Basketball
As promised, here is my list of the Top 10 stupid college team names. REMEMBER: this has nothing to do with the mascots – I’ll deal with stupid mascots a bit later on.
#1 – North Texas Mean Green – usually, smart colleges will chose a mascot that is a NOUN…you know, a person place or thing. But not North Texas – they chose an adjective for their mascot. I would hate to be a student in their English department. Consolation #1a award goes to Cornell Big Red. Nouns, people…its all about the nouns.
#2 – Virginia Tech Hokies – utterly ridiculous. I’m not sure which is worse – the name “Hokies” or Va Tech’s original team name – the Fighting Gobblers. I think it is a toss-up.
#3 – Toledo Rockets – often times (see #9), a school’s mascot is reflective of a state’s history or culture. The Toledo Rockets? I had no idea there were so many launch pads in Ohio.
#4 – TCU Horned Frogs – what is the only thing worse than a frog as a team mascot? A horned frog.
#5 – Rice Owls, Temple Owls, Florida Atlantic Owls – you want a silent, nocturnal bird as your mascot? Alrighty then…
#6 – Minnesota Golden Gophers – the only cool gopher in the history of mankind is the gopher in Caddyshack. Other than that, they are lame. Definitely not mascot-worthy.
#7 – Oregon Ducks - Why didn’t Oregon choose something manly from the Northwest culture for their mascot, like the Lumberjacks? You have the Ducks and the Beavers…must be an Oregon thing.
#8 – Marshall Thundering Herd – I like the “Thundering” part of the name, but “Herd”? It is a Thundering Herd of what, exactly? Can you be more specific?
#9 – Tennessee Volunteers – yes, I know Tennessee is the Volunteer State. Yes, I know that Volunteers play an important part in their state history (the nickname “The Volunteer State” originated during the War of 1812 when thousands of Tennesseans enlisted in response to Governor Blount’s call for volunteers). I’m not diminishing that in any way. I just think it isn’t a good nickname for a sports team. I’ve never liked it.
#10 – Idaho Vandals – to my knowledge, there is absolutely nothing positive, uplifting or inspiration that comes from the word “vandal”. Am I wrong?
What about the Presbyterian Blue Hose?
The Stanford Cardinal
Just wait – I’ll get to the Cardinal when I talk about Stupid mascots.
hawaii rainbow warriors and Oregon State Beavers ftw.
Cornell Red didn’t make the list?
AAAHHH! How did I miss Cornell? Time to make a minor adjustment to my list. Thanks for the catch.
Ohio State is near and dear to my heart. But, if you think about it… the Buckeyes?
It’s like the Volunteers. Ohio is the Buckeye State and the state tree is the buckeye.
Fact of the matter… a buckeye is a tree that produces a distinctive nut. Buckeyes are also a very delicious chocolate/peanut butter candy that look similar to the nut.
Does that strike fear in your heart?
To be honest, the name “Buckeye” is kind of cool. Forget that it is a tree – the name itself is kind of cool. I guess it is cooler if you know it isn’t a tree ;-)
To this day, I still miss Keith Jackson uttering the words “Ohio State Buckeyes and the Michigan Wolverines” on Saturday afternoons.
I still think the Vols should have a person raising their hand to volunteer for something as their mascot. Perhaps Arnold Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter.
Warren Wilson College in Asheville, NC is also the fighting Owls. There was a brief student movement to get the mascot changed to the tardigrades, a small invertebrate animal
Actually Vandals is in reference to “the” Vandals, the Germanic tribe that populated a large part of Europe and North Africa well before the Vikings. In that respect, the mascot Vandals, is no different than the Vikings, the Trojans, the Warriors, or any other historical mascot based on a conquering people. The term vandal (with out a capital letter) is only negative because the Vandals were said to leave all the beautiful things of Rome in ruins when they sacked the city in 455. That would make them different because most groups of people (like the Romans) just stole the stuff for themselves. That is the reason for the negative connotation. So they are the Idaho Conquering Peoples of Europe and Africa.
By the way, what about the Akron Zips?
I hate names that represent ferocity or conquerors unless there is a real connection to the team. Vikings is an example of an appropriate use because Minnesota was settled by the descendants thereof. Spartans and Trojans are examples of lack of imagination and lameness. Stanford Cardinal is lame and unimaginative. I like Golden Gophers, Horned Frogs, and Buckeyes. One of the worst, most incongruous is the San Francisco State Gators.
What about the U-C Irvine Anteaters?!
What about KU’s funny looking bird? possibly something for the worst Mascots list
why didnt u do Saint Francis Red Flash
they are the stupedist team name in the word
I wonder if Rich remembers me. Former World-Herald, Milwaukee Journal?? Wonder, too, if Rich is in contact with Tom DeFeo or other old photogs???
Pat
Um the Crimson Tide sounds kinda cool but it also sounds like a period. What about the red river shootout? when you come to the red river take the dirt road!
You left off that NCAA power house, the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. No if that doesn’t strike fear in your heart, nothing will. Pass the salt please.
The University of Santa Cruz banana slugs has got to be one of the worst mascot names ever
Banana Slugs need I say more!
In response to Scott’s remarks about the Vandals. Your point about the Afro/Euro Vandals doesn’t work because the University of Idaho adopted the nickname/mascot in 1920 after 20 years of being without one. They adopted it after a sports writer wrote in his column Idaho was vandalizing their opponent. I’m sorry but the name isn’t that cool!
disagree Oregon Ducks and Marshall Thundering Herd. First off “ducks” always reminds me off the mighty ducks which happens to be one of the better sport movies so “ducks” is a sweet name to me. and Marshall Thundering Herd sounds pretty intimidating i dont know what the hell you are talking about.If you are dumb enough to ask a “a thundering herd of what?” im going call you a dumbass. Herd is usually referred to cattle.anything with hooves.and if you looked at the logo i believe its and M with a buffalo in the middle of it.
why is oregan on this! oregan is awesome
Spell it right dumbass! Its Oregon and it sucks! Ducks just suck, period.
University of Louisiana Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns
as for mascots.. ours is a Cayenne Pepper
Delta State University Fighting Okra
our mascot is a piece of okra
How can this list exist without acknowledging the U.C. Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. Just what you want a sports team to remind you of- SLUGS.
Or how about the Professors? I forget which university chose that limp name.
I know – they’re D3, how about Millikin Big Blue, really?
Um, I go to UNT and our mascot is the Eagles. Our team nickname is Mean Green after “Mean Joe Green” because he played football for our school, and because our school color is green. I think Cornell’s name is worse because they don’t even have a reason for it…as are some of these other names.
I went to The University of Arkansas at Monticello. There ain’t nothing more evil than a damn Boll Weevil. What the commercial for KGB doesn’t tell you is the girls teams there are called the Cotton Blossoms.
And, I work a couple of blocks from TCU. The Horned Frog is the Texas state lizard, hence the mascot. A fitting homage, I think.
How about somthing real clever like Spartans or Eagles? Seariously, I’d rather have an original name than one that is predictable. I wanna see a school go for Shrimp or Squrrells. How about that?
How about the Carnegie Mellon Tartans? How much lamer can you get… named after a fabric pattern? And the mascot is a Scottie dog. Awww… you just want to pet it!
I love the list. I was googling ‘vandals’ because there is a guy in my apartment complex with a Vandals flag hanging every Saturday…nice.
I love what the USC Trojans used to be called when they first got started;
THE FIGHTING METHODISTS
How about that?! They only changed their name when a newspaper columnist wrote that they didn’t fight like Methodists instead they fought like ‘trojans.’ Someone up top decided a football team would better be called Trojans than a group of rowdy Christian revivalists. :)
well the most stupidest mascot in history is the scottsdale community colleges artichokes. yes the artichokes is their school mascot
This is a good list, but it’s missing many many dumb college team names. First of all, my own alma matter, University of Tulsa Golden Hurricane. I guess the Hurricane was already taken by Miami, and tornadoes aren’t intimidating enough? Then someone mentioned the KU Jayhawks, that’s a silly one. Also some of the worst of the worst: UNC Tarheels? Really? Then there’s simply the Syracuse Orange, wtf I’m supposed to be afraid of an intangible color? And someone mentioned the Akron Zips which is as silly as it is unintimidating. And the worst of the worst is the Oklahoma Sooners. I’d always wondered what a Sooner was, and then one day I wikipedia’d it. Turns out when we were settling all that land in the louisiana purchase, there was a fair and legal way we divvied it up, so that everyone would have a chance, and the Sooners were people that illegally settled the land before anyone else had a crack at it. That’d be like if i named a team the Kansas City rapists… which actually doesnt sound as dumb as Sooner.
and of course the penn state Nittany Lions. I dont know what a nittany is, but it sounds diminutive