Tutorial on Sox Fan Logic

Since we know you’ve been studying these posts in order to come up with a Red Sox Fan Psychological Profile, we’ve decided to open up a bit more about what makes us (the Nation) tick.

We get kinda pouty when the Sox lose important games. True, the argument could be made that to a Sox fan, every game is important. But still. Steamrolling the Indians in Game 1 of the ALCS and then dropping the next two? All of Red Sox Nation is wearing a scowl today! (And most of us are New Englanders, so that’s even more of a scowl than usual). 

We’re also fickle. When the Sox lose, who do we blame? The Sox. Huh? Well, this has to do with that ”cockiest fans” business. We are so convinced of our team’s superiority that we simply cannot admit that the opposing team played better. (If you’re a tennis fan, you’ll recognize that this is the baseball version of the Williams Sisters Press Con Principle). As a result, we all slip on our special order, Sox-logoed crankypants and complain about our own team.

Even the news outlets recognize this inherent truth. Today, Boston’s WBZ news station has a poll to this effect. The question is, ”Do you still have faith in the Red Sox?” Last time I checked, 86% said “No.” In case, you were wondering, of course I voted “No.” If you applied your knowledge of Sox fan logic, you already knew that; if you didn’t, I encourage you to review the Gossip on Sports archive of Red Sox posts for some compelling insight into volatile cockiness-pessimism conundrum.

Sox fans aren’t content to assign blame vaguely. No, we know exactly who should be singled out. This brings us to another recent poll on WBZ, which asked—far more politely than off-the-record Sox fans ever would—which player was the biggest disappointment. The choices were:

• J.D. Drew: $70M contract, non-entity as a player this season;
• Daisuke Matsuzaka: The “$100M Dollar Man”—actually more—between the cash paid for his contract and for the initial “privilege” to woo him;
• Eric Gagne (pronounced “Gahn-yay”): Mid-season acquisition, 2003 Cy Young winner whose greatest contributions to the Sox so far include minimizing and/or blowing leads, taking up space on the roster, and giving heartburn to thousands of people every time word comes that he’s “warming up in the bullpen.”

Any guesses who won the dubious distinction? Come now, put your rally caps on and think. If you said Eric Gagne, pat yourself on the back. YOU UNDERSTAND SOX FAN LOGIC! The Bee predicts this headline for when the front office shows him the door: “Eric’s gone? YAY!”

Oh, and to complete this tutorial on the thought and behavior patterns Sox fans, we should note the following: If the Sox win tonight and even the ALCS at two games each, we’ll go back to being cocky.

We’re good like that.