US Airways To Charge For Second Stowed Bag

Not to be Outdone by American Airlines, Where One Passenger Recently Passed Away on a Flight, US Air Intends to Nickel and Dime the Rest of Us to Death

US Airways Group Inc. said Tuesday it will start charging fliers $25 to check in a second bag, and this could be just the beginning. “With the operating reality that we have with $100 a barrel in oil,” said US Airways spokesman Morgan Durant, “we will be examining every possible means to raise revenues and lower costs.”

“We already charge for food, headphones, pillows and blankets, during the flight,” said Durant. “But there’s a whole pre-flight profit center we’re looking to tap into.”

For every hour the plane sits delayed on the tarmac, the airline is considering charging passengers a $10 air purification fee, a $5 water recirculation charge, and a $7 toilet tax. “We intend to make flying about as pleasant as a trip to Abu Ghraib.”

If you need anything, please feel free to ask the flight attendant. She’ll give it to you, alright.