USDA Orders Largest Meat Recall Ever
Agency Asks Consumers To Recall A Time When They Didn’t Have to Worry About Being Poisoned By Hamburgers
The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA: pronounced U.S. – Duh!) ordered 143 million pounds of beef recalled. The recall, the largest ever and four times the previous largest recall, covered Hallmark Meat Packing’s entire production of the past two years.
About 37 million pounds of the meat in question was distributed to school lunch programs to be used for meatball and burrito filling.
A spokesman for Hallmark was quoted as saying, “Oops.”
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USDA officials were quick to emphasize their belief that the meat posed “little or no hazard to consumers, and that most of it was eaten long ago.”
In other words, if you or your kid haven’t died or gone crazy yet, you’re probably okay.
Many parents expressed concern as to how they would be able to tell if their kids had gone crazy because of the meat or simply because they were graduating from high school.
To be fair, most teenagers were unsure how to tell if their parents had mad cow disease or were just freaking out about middle age.
In one case, Jed I. Knight of Arkansas, was said to be unsure if his wife had died from tainted beef because when they had sex “she just lays there.” USDA officials redirected the call to the Kinsey Institute.
