Wal-Mart Profit Rises, Revenue Up

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world’s largest retailer, said Tuesday its renewed focus on low prices paid off with a 4 percent rise in profit for its fourth quarter. Holiday shopping and international growth helped boost profits but by far the biggest factor was the reduced spending on marketing achieved by cutting all salary paid to the smiley face.

Chief Executive Lee Scott explained Wal-Mart’s decision, “We realized last year that our spokesman was actually a cartoon so we immediately stopped paying him. We also eliminated his benefits which amounted to a substantial savings in this era of skyrocketing employment costs.”

Wal-Mart intends to take this strategy to the next level as it brings in more drawings, illustrations and doodles to take over other duties. The little man and woman symbols will be cleaning the restrooms and customers will soon find stick figures stocking the shelves.

“Our customers are cutting corners in this tough economic environment and so are we,” Scott said. “We thought we couldn’t find anybody cheaper than the illegals we were already using but when we went back to the drawing board we found the answer. Literally.”