With a Capital L

Ladies, have I got the guy for you…

Writer Needed for Personal Assignment

Reply to: Playah@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-16, 3:26PM EST

I’m a 30 year-old, very eligible, single, straight, Asian guy with a highly successful business. I have signed up for a couple of on-line dating services but am so busy with work that I never had time to look through the personal ads and respond to them. But I’m serious about finding that special someone. So, I’m hoping to find a good writer who can help me write customized emails to women who have posted personal ads. You and I will talk in detail about what kind of person I’m interested in, and what kind of person I am so that you can write in a style that’s more or less authentic to me. I want to hire someone who’s not only a good writer, but also care enough about what I’m trying to do and have a genuine interest in helping me. As you will find out, I’m a very nice guy and quite ‘marketable’, so to speak, but I’m just too busy to have any meaningful amount of time to do this myself. As with compensation, we can discuss. Most likely, I’ll pay you a fixed rate per personal ad that you reply to on my behalf, and a bonus for every prospect that leads to an in-person date. I prefer that you are a young woman around my age, and live in NYC. In addition to the requisite writing skills, please have an imaginative mind with a romantique bend, and willingness to help. Serious replies only–otherwise you’ll be wasting both my time and yours. Please attach a resume and include a cover letter in your email.

* Location: NYC
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: Please specify your rates in your reply.

Hey…are you this guy? Because if so you placed almost the same exact ad a year ago and I’m thinking it didn’t work for you.

Would you want to date this guy? Seriously. He’s signed up for multiple dating services yet can’t be bothered to look through the sites to find his match? He tried to get someone to do this a year ago and it didn’t work. What makes him think it’s going to happen the second time around? That’s point A.

Point B. Even I know it’s not a good idea to hook up with the ladies using a form letter.

Point C. What is it this guy doesn’t have time to do? Find matches? Write to said matches? Date?

You know what I think? I think Dude is lacking social skills. Now, I’ve never participated in one of these online dating sites myself, but I’m willing to guess someone isn’t scoring any responses after the initial emails are sent and is perhaps looking for someone who can better articulate what a loser he is. He says he’s too busy to look through the matches from the dating services, yet he thinks someone he’s going to somehow miraculously clear his schedule for dinner and a movie?

And frankly, what’s going to happen when one of these “matches” sits down to have a cup of coffee and realizes within about ten minutes he’s not the same guy in the letters. Here’s a clue, Skippy. The only one who can write in your style is you. What’s going to happen when the girl of your dreams finds out you paid someone to correspond with her? Or better yet, what happens when the dude you paid to be you makes off with the girl of your dreams?

Ass.