WWE RAW 6/16: Hacksaw, Hardy, and the Nature Boy

WWE RAW Results 6/16/08

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Who could the WWE bring out alongside Vince McMahon to make the chairman look smart? Who could they put next to him that makes his delayed dialing synapses look lightning quick? There’s only one person:

Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan is in a tux and so is his 2×4. My IQ has just dropped about 40 points.

Jeff Hardy def. Carlito
We’re already at RAW’s halfway point and this is only the second match. Thankfully, it’s good. Carlito brings his A game and the two work well together. During the match our favorite high flyer takes 4 blind leaps from the top rope and finally pins Carlito after a well-executed Swanton Bomb. As he leaves the ring Jeff looks exhausted and in pain. We worry about his health and the toll all those high risk moves must inflict. Nobody puts his body through week-to-week rigor that Jeff does and his sacrifice is why he is so loved.

Chris Jericho segment
John Cena and Chris Jericho are the WWE’s best talkers and they’ve both been featured tonight on the mic. Cena’s segment led to a great match but Jericho’s seems to be heading elsewhere; we don’t think he’s going to fight Shawn Michaels tonight. Y2J gets off to a rousing start calling the Salt Lake City crowd morally corrupt, blaming them for his rage, and telling them that they don’t want to be saved. He tells them that through they’ve ostracized him through their judgmental booing. They’ve forced him to punish Shawn Michaels for their sins. HBK’s blood will be on their hands.

This segment is great. Jericho is attacking the crowd by playing the Christ figure. His speech is laden with biblical metaphors and themes and where is he? That’s right, in America’s most fundamentally religious state and in a city whose main attraction is Temple Square. Coincidence?

Y2J wants revenge on HBK. Michaels, however, isn’t there. Y2J has the “liars and cheaters” chant HBK and whose music intones? Who is going to challenge Jericho? Jean-Jacques Rosseau’s favorite wrestler: the Nature Boy Ric Flair!

So much for retirement. After a standing ovation that lasts the entirety of the commercial breaks they stare at each other meaningfully before Flair challenges Michaels to a fight in the parking lot thus bypassing his retirement requirements. Y2J is game and follows the very sweaty North Carolinian. When Jericho opens the Exit door he runs into HHH who has “been looking for a way to make you my business” which Mrs. Jabandgrapple adds might be homoerotic if HHH didn’t look like Matt Damon’s Lenny Pepperidge character from Ocean’s Thirteen.

Flair tries to be angry about Triple H fighting his battles but the “I Love Yous” that he sprinkles into the conversation sort of defeat his purpose. No matter. Vince McMahon swiftly has Flair escorted from the building. Is a McMahon-Flair feud building? Sounds good to us!