Yahtzee On Chains of Olympus and Me On Yahtzee
Yes. Take that title in any sexual manner you like. I have a fever of about 100 and I’ve been cheated because I feel like shit, but I’m not hallucinating.
Yahtzee has posted his usual Wednesday rant, this time for God of War: Chains of Olympus for the PSP.
Yahtzee’s kind of an interesting individual because I find him hilarious and irritating at the same time. Like…a mosquito in a clown suit. Sorry, I think my metaphor machine grinds to a halt at 99.7 Fahrenheit.
He has a thoroughly-expressed bias against Japanese-developed game characters, which I don’t think does the industry any favours. Maybe it’s just my foo-foo feminine side talking, but I’m already sick to death of brown skies and grey grass or whatever the hell we’re getting in “realistic” games these days. If Zack and Wiki has a silly golden monkey in it, then big fucking deal, it has a silly golden monkey in it. I will endure the nit-picker d’or if it means I don’t have to look down yet another gunsight at yet another soldier in drab camouflage.
Honestly, my eyes are shit. I’ll probably be blind before I’m fifty. Let me look at dumb spiky anime hair once in a while and outlandish clothes full of retarded zippers. Let me be glad for this change in environment.
When something realistic pops up that really does give me a reason to stop and marvel at the environment—Bioshock, for example—I am happy to do so. And I am also happy to play a jRPG and decide, “You know what, this is trash.” I just want that mix to be available, so I’m not going to roll my eyes at every anime character I see.
I grew up with characters like Link and Mario. Their continued existence is comforting in my opinion, not cheap and overdone. Maybe I have father issues. I don’t know.
Okay, no I don’t. My father’s pretty awesome.
Are you implying that your father is at least as cool as Mario? Because I don’t know if you can just make claims like that without backing them up with really amazing stories.
Also, a mosquito in a clown suit would be baffling. Where did the mosquito get such a suit? Did it make it on its own? And since it was a clown suit made for a mosquito, would it even be recognizable to us AS a clown suit?
But you know what’s really scary? A clown car full of mosquitos. You can fit a lot of clowns in there.
You can fit EIGHT MILLION mosquitos in there.
There are people who draw masterpieces on tiny grains of rice. Perhaps the skeeters “persuade” them to help in their godless cause.