Jack Cust Ain’t Superman
May 21, 2007 by Geoff Young
Filed under Humor, Personalities
You’ve heard the legend of Jack Cust by now. The veteran DH came to the A’s from San Diego in a trade a few weeks ago and has gotten off to a great start with his new club. But is he better than Superman? You be the judge:
| Cust | Superman | Advantage | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Birthplace | Flemington, N.J. | Krypton | With all due respect to New Jersey, this goes to the Man of Steel. |
| Drafted | Arizona, 1st round ‘97 | Never | Cust. In fairness to Superman, had he played baseball, he likely would have been a first-round pick as well. |
| Earth Name | Jack Cust | Clark Kent | Tie. I can’t tell the difference. |
| Height | 6′1″ | 6′3″ | Superman. |
| Weight | 205 lbs | 225 lbs | Superman. |
| Speed | None | Faster than a speeding bulllet | Superman. |
| Vision | Good enough to draw walks | X-ray, heat, telescopic, infrared, and microscopic | I’ll call this a tie. Each serves its purpose. X-ray vision is way cooler but I don’t know how useful it would be in a baseball context. |
| Flight | No | Yes | Superman. |
| Other | 8 HR in 46 AB | Invulnerable to non-magical attacks of ordinary force | That home run total is impressive, but invulnerability to non-magical attacks is pretty sweet. Gotta go with Superman. |
| Weakness | Playing the outfield | Kryptonite | Both end badly; we’ll call it a tie. |
There you go. Hope that clears up any confusion…
LOL. Genius, that Geoff.
OK, I’m in. JCust has proven to be no Clark Kent, but if Superman is the PTBNL as Geoff seems to be implying, I can begin to see the logic of this deal. On the one hand,he’s a bit old(Brock2 projects much smaller buildings). Yet his name will sell tickets.Then there’s the inevitable ? “Where could the Padres play him?”Certainly not 3B. Catcher. About now I like the sound of “caught stealing -2 unassisted” Did Yogi do that?Dont ask.But bottom line being the bottom line, S-man is not likely to add a “D” to his cape in the near future.
“Brock2 projects much smaller buildings.” Dude, you are such a geek. That’s freakin’ hilarious!
I’m trying to stir up support for JJ Furmaniak as the PTBNL … he’s not Superman either … but I think he’d be *a lot* better than either Blum or Robles … doncha think?
I’d have no problem seeing Furmaniak come back to the Padres. He’d definitely be better than Blum; not sure about Robles — I think his skill set is pretty valuable in a place like Petco Park.