Maybe Bonds Should Change His Name to ‘Bartleby’

In Herman Melville’s classic short story, Bartleby the Scrivener, the lead character works as a transcriber of legal documents (this is the mid-19th century, so bear with me) and isn’t interested in doing his job or, it seems, anything else. His response to virtually everything is, “I would prefer not to.”

Now comes word (via 6-4-2) that Barry Bonds preferred not to play on more than one occasion this year while a member of the San Francisco Giants. Granted, the life of a baseball player is nowhere near as glamorous as, say, that of a scrivener, but still, you’d think a guy could be a little motivated to play the game. Apparently not:

Multiple sources confirmed that Bonds had taken off his uniform during the ninth inning of a 5-3 loss at Milwaukee on Sept. 24. The Giants brought the winning run to the plate, but rookie catcher Eliezer Alfonzo hit into a game-ending double play and the loss officially eliminated the Giants from the division race.

The article goes on to mention several similar occasions. It’s amazing what your bosses will tolerate when you’re chasing Hank Aaron’s home run record. Now that Bonds is a free agent, however, Giants management is drawing the line:

But sources said that before the Giants open talks to bring him back, upper management wants assurances that Bonds would be attentive to new manager Bruce Bochy and handle himself in a professional manner.

I like that phrase, “wants assurances”; it acknowledges that there’s not a darn thing the club can do if Bonds tells them one thing and then, later, decides that he “would prefer not to” do what he previously assured them he would. Not that Bonds would ever lie about such a thing…