Mickie James & Jamie Nobel Vs. Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella: Marella pins Nobel for the win.

Ted Dibiase Jr. Vs. Kofi Kingston: Dibiase wins by pinfall.

Between Matches you see Dolph Ziggler trying to introduce himself to Mark Henry, Tony Atlas and Kane. They ignore him. Now I don’t know about anyone else but isn’t this "Hi, I’m Dolph Ziggler." thing getting a little bit old? Shut up and wrestle already.

They also show video of John Cena and about his neck surgery. The doctors said it all went well and that there was slight paralysis before the surgery. Batista talks about how Cena was a great and difficult opponent and HHH was talking about how John was back on his feet and visiting everyone while he should have been resting, but that’s John Cena. Everyone was very supportive of Cena and said he was a great guy with personality and such. John Cena is a fun and funny character in the ring. Like many others, I’ve seen him come in as a much younger and skinnier, lower card wrestler. Not knowing or ever even thinking that he would be as popular as he is today. I hope he recovers well and soon and hope to see him in the ring in the future.

Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio Vs. Kane & Mark Henry: This one looked as if Matt Hardy and Mysterio were going to win, but in the end Kane caught Hardy in a choke slam and pinned him for the win.

HBK Vs. Lance Cade: In the end of this Anything Goes match, HBK ended up beating the hell out of Cade with a chair and pinned him for the victory.

Between matches, Jerry The King Lawler says that Santino Marella claims to be the greatest Intercontinental Champion and ion two week he’s get to prove it. King says that the fans get to choose who Santino Faces by texting their votes. You can vote for Gold Dust, The Honkey Tonk Man or Rowdy Roddy Piper. I hope it’s piper, because I love to see piper get back in the ring. I really never cared for Gold Dust and his Pajamas and The Honky Tonk man is like a thousand years old…no wonder those guitars disintegrate when slammed over peoples heads.

Johnny Knoxville interviewed The Great Khali for a segment of Jackassworld.com. One of his questions was that with the size of The Great Khali, is everything in proportion, meaning his "Tally-whacker". Khali took offense to this. Khali is in the ring and says abu-dubu-lala-dubi-whatty, or something like that and sing translates that to Khali wanting Knoxville to show up at raw in two weeks so he can show him real entertainment. Until then he’s going to host the "Kiss-Cam" So the porn music starts to play and the big heart goes up on the screen and it shows a few couples in the crowd kissing and then it goes to the beautiful Lillian Garcia (who was in the ring about to announce the next match when she was interrupted by Sing and Khali’s intrusion)…so Khali wanders over and plants  a kiss on the rather unwilling Lillian Garcia. Khali mumbles something and does the phone hand gesture and Sing says "Khali will call you."

I love the whole Jillian thinking she can sing gimmick. It’s like watching karaoke in crack. Jillian comes out to the ring and starts trying to sing Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit. The Miz and John Morrison are guest commentators with King and Cole. Kelly Kelly comes to the ring with Cryme Tyme. Cryme Time join King and Cole on the other side of the commentators table. During the entire match Cryme Tyme and Miz-Morrison are talking trash and throwing some of the corniest insults back and fourth and you can tell they were having fun with it. There was a match going on here too. Kelly Kelly, in all her blonde cuteness won by pinning Jillian. Both ladies looked absolutely exhausted as if they had been going at it for hours. At one point before Kelly Kelly rolled up Jillian for the pin, they were trying to do the whole, "Flip you opponent over your shoulder so she lands on her feet routine." but it almost looked as if they couldn’t do it. Jillian had to try like three times just to get the momentum to get Kelly Kelly up.

More video on Cena

The Main Event- Batista Vs. JBL w/ Y2J as special guest referee. But first, special time keeper William Regal, special guest commentator Randy Orton. Blows are traded during the match and Y2J is constantly telling JBL to get up and this and that. At one point Y2J trips Batista as Batista whips JBL into the corner. But in the end Batista double spears Jericho and JBL. Mike Adamle runs to the ring with another ref who counts the three count as Batista pins JBL for the win.

Afterwards Mike Adamle comes out as Jericho is walking around outside the ring. Adamle says that it’s ironic that Jericho appointed himself the guest referee. He said during his meeting with Shane and Stephanie McMahon, they told him to shake things up a bit. So at Cyber Sunday Y2J will face Batista for the championship with a special guest referee that could be anyone from Randy Orton to HBK to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Raw goes off-air.

Image ©JabandGrapple.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Raw Recap 10/7

World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

WWE Championship Match
HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

ECW Championship Match
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Number One Contenders Match
Batista vs. JBL

Women’s Championship Match
Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Rey Mysterio’s Mask is on the line in this match-up
Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE No Mercy Card

It just seems like yesterday that Batista made his way in to the WWE. Bigger than most and cut more than just about anyone in the WWE, everyone knew he would be a force to be reckoned with and developed in to a big draw.

Well word has it that Batista has mentioned retiring in a year or two and people think he is pretty serious about it. ProWreslting.com writes:

Batista has mentioned the idea of retiring in a year or two, and both current and former colleagues believe he really means it and is not just posturing for a better contract. However, Vince will likely sweeten up his deal to make Batista happy and active in the ring if he has to.

Some say that Batista has a reputation as a bit of a free spender and that might be one reason he would consider staying with WWE. However, the consensus among others is that he’s managed his money well, having spent a lot but made a lot more.

Perhaps it’s a smart move on Batista’s part. I’m sure he’s paid well by Vince and maybe he’s put away quite a bit in hopes of not having to pout his body through too much more. I’m sure some of the other wrestlers won’t mind to see him go so they can get a bit more spotlight. I guess we won;t know until it happens.

Post from: EveryJoe

Will Batista Retire So Soon?

The news tore (like his pectoral) through the wrestling world: “Poor John Cena has suffered another sidelining injury, a herniate disk in his neck, and will need surgery.”

The WWE ran a ticker during it’s ECW alerting fans to this heinous turn of events. In somber voice on RAW GM Mike Adamle told fans that Batista monstrous Batista Bombas at Summer Slam caused the injury. (Adamle’s conclusion was, of course, untrue but it does prop up the Animal’s abilities.)

The wrestling rags even reported that the news spread to the pages of the Wall Street Journal although searches of the wsj.com website brought nothing.

Cena’s surgery should keep him out for the remainder of the year and perhaps shows that he came back too early from his pectoral injury. That setback was caused by the injury-prone WWE Superstar Mr. Kennedy who had his own shoulder dislocated just a few weeks ago against Shelton Benjamin.

Kennedy also recently had surgery and will miss months of action. Maybe Cena will throw him a bone and a part in his next movie. They need something to do over the course of the next few weeks!

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Superstars Out for the Injury Count

Dear Jabandgrapple.com readers. Chances are next week’s wrestler rankings will be funnier, better written, provide smarter, crisper analysis, might include someone other than WWE wrestlers, and won’t show extreme prejudice towards Mark Henry, JBL, and Kane.

That’s right, this is Mr. Jabandgrapple’s last post. That doesn’t mean there won’t be another Mr. Jabandgrapple just like there was another Ultimate Warrior, another Kane, and another Undertaker. What’s that? There was only one Ultimate Warrior, one true Kane, and one true Undertaker.

That’s besides the point. Just goes to prove that the next Mr. Jabandgrapple will be a more learned wrestling fan. Am I off to a lucrative column at Pro Wrestling Illustrated? A WWE writing gig alongside Freddy Prinze, Jr. in Stamford, Connecticut? Sideline speech and interview writer for Eve Torres? Exclusive publicist for Shannon Briggs?

Let’s just say I’m off to parts unknown. Without further ado, here’s my last WWE wrestler rankings.

1. Undertaker (LW: 1)
Taker’s to-do list:
Sunday: Edge sent to h-e double hockey sticks. Check.
Friday: Steal Vickie Guerrero’s soul. Sorta check. He said he was going to do it. Didn’t exactly see the aura sucked out of her body. Perhaps because SmackDown was again pre-empted by exhibition football and all I got was the standard-def feed. Taker is back and he’s on fire! Although presumably not as on fire as Edge.

2. Batista (LW: 2)
The Animal still holds the 1-0 edge over his former Tag Team Champion partner but his work on RAW – hobbling to victory over Paul Birchill – certainly doesn’t carry the same weight as Cena’s effort last Monday…

3. John Cena (LW: 5)
Hustle, loyalty and respect brought a handicap match victory over the reigning tag team. It’s only right then that Cena should be named Tag Team champion all by himself. We’re still surprised that Mick Foley never teamed with one of his many personas to win a Tag title. What’s that?

(Official voice: This is a WWE ranking and Mick Foley has nothing to do with the WWE. Cease and desist in mentioning the king of the hell in the cell.)

Let’s move on.

4. Y2J (LW: 10)
Our personal savior (who no longer is in the saving business) Chris Jericho joined the growing list of WWE superstars who’ve defeated the supposed RAW title holder, CM Punk, during his ignominious reign. Shouldn’t that then make him the World Heavyweight Champion just as Cena should be the tag team champ? That would make too much sense.

What also is inexplicable? Why did the WWE replay the Y2J-punching-Shawn Michaels’-wife saga on all three shows? Doesn’t matter, I loved it all three times.

5. HHH (LW: 3)
The King of Kings was just sort of there this week only slightly assisting our next entrant in his match…

6. Jeff Hardy (LW: 6)
The now-braided rainbow-haired warrior defeated the Great Khali in the biggest mismatch between athlete and non-athlete since nearly every Olympic boxing match. Somehow in those bouts the non-athlete always won. Shows you why I love pro wrestling.

7. Kofi Kingston (LW: 7)
It is STILL so unfair that Kofi lost his Intercontinental belt without getting pinned. We say he wins it back on tonight’s RAW. Of course we said the same thing last week.

8. Edge (LW: 4)
When will he emerge from Hades? If not this Friday then I’m dropping him off this list. But you won’t be here next week. Arrggghh.

9. Shelton Benjamin (LW: NR)
Beat Finlay in a very long match on SmackDown. I keep forgetting that Finlay has a title belt, namely the U.S. Championship. Yet another reason why next weeks ratings will be smarter.

10. The Miz (LW: NR)
Because I like him. That’s why. Because I love reality TV. That’s right I said it. Because the only show on television almost as good as wrestling is the Road Rules/Real World Challenge. And The Miz was a stellar performer on that show.

Dropped Out: CM Punk, Vladimir Kozlov

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Wrestler Rankings: 8/25/08

1. Undertaker (LW: 10)
He’s baaaaaaaaaack and he’s sending people to h-e double hockey sticks. We really didn’t realize how much we missed the Undead Superstar until his epic SummerSlam Hell in a Cell match. Amazing stuff in what might go down as an all-time great pro wrestling match.

2. Batista (LW: 1)
His match versus John Cena wasn’t the highlight of SummerSlam but hopefully we will see these two titans square off again.

3. Triple H (LW: 4)
He beat The Great Khali. Yawn. Let’s see him start feuding with Edge or Taker. The pedigreed one won’t stand a chance.

4. Edge (LW: 3)
Did Edge solidify his place in the WWE Hall of Fame with yet another ridiculously good headline match? We think so. Can’t wait to see what’s up next for the Rated R Superstar.

5. John Cena (LW: 2)
The crowd is beginning to turn against everybody’s all-American. How long before Cena turns heel? Hopefully soon.

6. Jeff Hardy (LW: 9)
Sure he lost at SummerSlam but only because of Shelton Benjamin’s interference. Hardy has been terrific as of late and the untrue rumors of his broken neck have only added to his legend.

7. Kofi Kingston (LW: 5)
So unfair that Kofi could lose his Intercontinental belt without getting pinned. We say he wins it back tonight on RAW.

8. CM Punk (LW: NR)
He won. Double yawn. A pin versus JBL means NOTHING. CM Punk still has a lot to prove in our book.

9. Vladimir Kozlov (LW: 8)
Maybe he’ll get a match in the next pay-per-view. We’re not holding our breath.

10. Y2J (LW: 7)
Overshadowed again by Shawn Michaels. Y2J’s star is falling and it’s falling fast.
Dropped Out: The Great Khali

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Wrestler Rankings: 8/18/08

Monday night’s RAW and Tuesday’s ECW didn’t exactly bring us a lot of action while Friday night’s SmackDown was preempted in Mr. Jabandgrapple’s hometown by an Eagles vs. Steelers pre-season match-up. And while my DVR wasn’t intuitive enough to tape the delayed broadcast I was able to get a hold of the matches.

1. Batista (LW: 3)
The Animal channeled his ample anger and pinned Ted DiBiase, Jr. to become a half of an unlikely WWE Tag Team Champion pairing.

2. John Cena (LW: 2)
The other half of the new belt holders. We can’t wait for the newly allied SummerSlam matchup.

3. Edge (LW: 1)
At some point he’s going to have to wrestler, right? Still, flipping Vickie Guerrero out of her wheelchair is something we’ve wanted to see forever. And the Rated-R Superstar definitely seems to have his mojo back.

4. Triple H (LW: 4)
Good mic work and some clever insults towards the Great Khali and his manager “Funyon”. HHH had the arm wrestling match won and Khali resorted to some dastardly tactics.

5. Kofi Kingston (LW: 6)
The high flying superstar just keeps getting better. We really enjoyed his dismantling of Paul Birchill. Let’s hope that feud is over. It’s gotten way too one-sided.

6. The Great Khali (LW: 8)
As much as it pains me to move Khali to #6 he did put a hurting on HHH and that doesn’t happen often. We always feel a little bad for him after hearing the rumor that he doesn’t have much time left in the WWE because of his degenerating knees.

7. Y2J (LW: 4)
Chris Jericho gets a lot less interesting without Shawn Michaels as a foil. How could I place him above JBL who actually made the pin in the JBL-Y2J handicap match against CM Punk? Because Y2J did all the damage on Punk and because I hate JBL. Simple as that.

8. Vladimir Kozlov (LW: NR)
So it’s not just us who wants Kozlov to face better competition. Vladimir is sick of beating up jobbers too. Last week he got Jesse and Festus who are a serviceable duo. Kozlov got the job done and makes his first appearance in the JandG rankings.

9. Jeff Hardy (LW: NR)
The rainbow-haired warrior is also making his first JandG ranking appearance. And not a moment too soon. He’s been beating up on the competition only to be foiled by MVP’s interference. It’s time to hurt MVP at SummerSlam and we can’t wait for that eventuality.

10. The Undertaker (LW: NR)
Black roses, splayed out La Familia members, fear everywhere. He’s baaa-aackkkk!

Dropped Out: Mr Kennedy (get well soon!), Matt Hardy, and CM Punk

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Wrestler Rankings: 8/11/08

Kane def. Matt Striker

Segment Eight
Mid-match between Kane and Matt Striker Mrs. Jabandgrapple says “I don’t know about this Adamle reign so far. It’s pretty gimmicky. Does RAW really need gimmicks?” Gotta agree.

While Kane grabs Matt Striker in a chokeslam he gives the former wrestler a wedgie and we see enough cheekage to increase the rating above TV-PG. Funny stuff. Post-match Kane grabs the mic and says he’s better now after being in a bad place. He spends a few awkward seconds staring at his burlap bag.

I would rather have seen Striker trying to discretely remove his wedgie.

Segment Nine
Prior to the championship tag team match WWE Diva Kelly Kelly comes to talk to Mike Adamle and tells him “Let’s do it” before sitting down on the couch. My brain just turned to mush.

Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it.

OK. John Cena’s music comes on and I’m back. Cena opens up the match and puts a hurting on DiBiase. He steps away, tags Batista, and lets him do his thing on Cody Rhodes. This bout is a cruel mismatch but Cena and Batista can’t win the title, can they?

Cena looks to have the match won the the FU but Rhodes makes a sneaky tag, DiBiase lands a drop kick to Cena’s back, Rhodes slams him into the steel stairs and the tag team champs grab the momentum and the edge.

Rhodes is draped on Cena’s back and in a sleeper hold. Cena staggers over to the corner but Batista doesn’t reach out for the tag! Cena is pulled to the center of the ring, DiBiase is tagged in and he hits a sleeper hold too. But Cena counters and lands his own sleeper. Triple sleeper madness. DiBiase breaks it and Cena goes to tag Batista.

Cena makes the tag…by slapping Batista in the face! The hear is on. Batista channels his anger onto DiBiase with a vicious Spinebuster and then a Spear. He then finishes Ted Jr. off with a Batista Bomb. Cena and Batista are now Tag Team Champions. I really like this new twist. Cena and Batista look at each other, raise the belts, and share a Santino and Beth Phoenix-type moment.

Post from: EveryJoe

8/4/08 RAW Part Three: New Tag Team Champs!

Kofi Kingston def. Paul Birchill
Mickie James def. Katie Lea Birchill

Segment One
New GM Mike Adamle is getting some major heat! A lot more than I ever imagined…then he compares himself to Ronald Reagan and equates the Gipper’s work with Bonzo the chimp to announcing with Tazz. OK, he really compared Bonzo to calling Jeff Hardy Jeff Harvey. I like the Tazz comparison better.

It seems the inept one might be turning the crowd after announcing three title matches on tonight’s show. OK, this isn’t is bad. The first is Batista and John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. I guess that’s interesting.

Before he can announce another match JBL and Y2J join him in suits claiming they deserve title matches. Yap, yap, yap, yap. Debate, debate, debate, debate.

C’mon Adamle, take some control! This is getting out of hand. He gives a lame compromise: JBL and Y2J vs. CM Punk in a handicap match. If they win they get Punk at SummerSlam, lose then no title match at the Slam. The Adamle era is off to a blah start.

Segment Two
Kofi Kingston is facing Paul Birchill in a defense of the Intercontinental Title, the first of tonight’s championship bouts. Kofi’s impressive athleticism is on display from the get go with some great defensive leaps. Katie Lea Birchill goes ringside to taunt Kofi and Kingston aims a boot to her face which misses.

Kingston gains control of the match with a great series of power moves before he finishes Birchill off with his familiar series of closing moves which culminates with a Trouble in Paradise. Kofi has really stepped his game up and has grown into a good champion.

Segment Three
It’s now Katie Lea’s turn to lose a title match as Mickie James rushes into the ring to destroy the deliciously trashy Briton. James looks good with a Neckbreaker and finally earns the pin after hitting a nice Mickie-DT.

After the match Beth Phoenix blindsides the women’s champ indicating a thankful end to the James-Birchill feud and a restart to the rivalry between the WWE’s best two female grapplers. Good news.

Segment Four
Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix’s love affair is heating up with some TV-PG butt touching and in a post-match segment they discuss SummerSlam with Adamle and beg for title matches. Mike obliges them both: a tag team winner-take-all match between James and Kingston and Phoenix and Marella. Not great, but not bad.

Post from: EveryJoe

8/4/08 RAW Part One: Mike Adamle = Ronald Reagan?

How did I have ‘em last week? Check this link.

We got big shakeups in the jabandgrapple Top 10 this week. Why is that? Well, three of last week’s Top 10 didn’t wrestle this week. And one of ‘em fought Colin Delaney. Doesn’t count.

Also, I can’t reward people for not appearing at shows especially when Mr. Jabandgrapple has tickets to said show. Therefore HHH tumbles. I don’t care if his wife birthed a baby. I really don’t. The Harrisburg area has great hospitals. Bring her on the road. (I’m kidding…I think)

1. Edge (LW: 5)
Pinned Jeff Hardy (tough week for him) on Saturday Night’s Main Event, sent Mick Foley off SmackDown on a stretcher, and looks to still be getting it done with Alicia Fox. Good week all around for the Rated R Superstar.

2. John Cena (LW: 6)
When paired with Batista on RAW it was Cena who got the pin earning him a spot ahead of the Animal making him this week’s biggest riser.

3. Batista (LW: 3)
Holding steady. Can’t wait for his singles match against Cena on SummerSlam.

4. Y2J (LW: 2)
Loved the final edition of The Highlight Reel. Hope its end means more appearance in the ring.

5. HHH (LW: 1)
Congrats on the baby girl. Can’t wait to see you wrestle again even if it’s against The Great Khali.

6. Kofi Kingston (LW: NR)
Kofi looked really good and dominant against Jamie Noble just as all belt holders should be.

7. CM Punk (LW: 4)
Just when I started to warm to Punk he was steamrolled by former exile William Regal. Regal bloodied his lip and inflicted a great deal of punishment before Punk gained the pin. It was not the sort of performance expected from a champion. Can you imagine Regal bloodying HHH’s lip?

8. Great Khali (LW: 10)
Khali beat the tar(heel) out of Jeff Hardy on SmackDown and might have been the week’s most impressive wrestler.

9. Matt Hardy (LW: 7)
Obligatory ECW entry. And he wrestled this week unlike serial steel bender Mark Henry.

10. Mr. Kennedy (LW: NR)
Great win against the bronchitis-impaired Shelton Benjamin in what might not be the last of the Clairol Matches.

Dropped Out: Kane, The Undertaker

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Wrestler Rankings: 8/3/08