Vladimir Kozlov def. Stevie Richards
The Great Khali wins a Battle Royale against Mr. Kennedy, M.V.P., Umaga, Jeff Hardy, and Big Show

Segment Four
Edge is trying to keep things going with Alicia Fox a/k/a the Wedding Planner. But Chavo Guerrero’s bodyguard Bam Neely is lurking in the corridor listening to their conversation. He’s not going to snitch on another man, is he? No self-respecting man would ever do that but Neely does. So sad.

Stevie Richards comes out to be the next Vladimir Kozlov’s latest cannon fodder. When will Kozlov fight someone good? When will he ever get a pay-per-view gig? How many times must we watch him destroy his opponent. To be fair, Richards actually looks good until Kozlov hits a head butt to the sternum and knocks out the poor Philadelphia native. WWE bookers, please give Kozlov a feud. His domination has gone on long enough.

Segment Five
The Main Event has come early. It’s a Battle Royale with the winner to face HHH at SummerSlam. The competitors: Mr. Kennedy, the Great Khali, Umaga, Jeff Hardy, M.V.P., and Big Show. Regardless of the winner we are going to see someone new against HHH at SummerSlam. That’s a very good thing.

I want to see Mr. Kennedy win but I don’t see him emerging from a Battle Royale. Mrs. Jabandgrapple is pulling for Jeff Hardy…duh. But we both find it hard to see how Big Show could lose a Battle Royale.

Hardy’s early focus is, understandably, on M.V.P. He knocks the Anti-Dog Whisperer out of the ring with a terrific clothesline. Good riddance M.V.P. Umaga tosses Hardy out but Jeff somehow is able to grab the top rope and stay inside. Umaga doesn’t notice as he moves onto Big Show. The World’s Biggest Athlete then flips the Samoan Bulldozer out of the ring. He follows it up with a successful dismissal of Mr. Kennedy. My pick is gone. So sad.

Now there are three left: Show, Khali, and Hardy. Hardy next move is a jump off the top rope onto Big Show. Show catches him and the high flying superstar looks to be in trouble. But against all odds he finds a way to flip Show out. He continues to capitalize on his momentum and hits a Swanton Bomb on Khali.

But it’s not to be. Khali flips Hardy over the top rope and SummerSlam just got a lot less interesting.

After the match HHH enters the stage and stares down his future opponent. They stare and stare and stare and stare and stare. Considering Khali can’t actually move we think that’s an apt preview for SummerSlam. Yaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnn.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/25 WWE SmackDown Part Two: Big Bad Battle Royale With Bad Bad Bad Ending

Jesse and Festus def. Zach Ryder and Curt Hawkins
Vladimir Kozlov def. Stevie Richards
La Familia argues
Edge and Big Show match ended prematurely

Image details: Gay Marriages Begin In Bay Area served by picapp.com

Segment Nine:
Who is more dastardly then Ryder and Hawkins? No one. They do Vickie Guerrero’s evil bidding, they’re extremely cowardly, and in this match they get themselves counted out on purpose. Why would they do that? So they end-of-the-match bell rings and Festus returns to his catatonic state. How craven? How horrible? How mean?

Their stupid tactic backfires when Jesse re-rings the bell and Festus goes crazy again. Jesse and Festus’ Of Mice and Men redux is already tired in my book. And I can’t get their Biscuits and Gravy theme song out of my mind. ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Segment Ten:
Is Stevie Richards a step-up in competition for Vladimir Kozlov? I guess. Kozlov puts Richards in a body scissors and the Russian appears to be twice as big as his Philadelphia opponent. Stevie attempts a few falls (which fail) before Kozlov puts him down with a headbutt.

Segment Eleven:
Trouble in paradise. Thankfully the boring wrestling ends and we’re back to the soap opera plot. Did I just say that? Anyway, Ryder, Hawkins, Chavo Guerrero, Edge, and Bam Neely are together and arguing.

Edge says Chavo was throwing him under the bus when talking to Vickie (TRUE). Hawkins tells Chavo he doesn’t contribute (FALSE). Edge wants ringside support from his boys. They’re not really having it. Some friends! Vickie wheels herself in and threatens axeing if A) anyone joins Edge at ringside or B) if Edge doesn’t fight Big Show.

Remind me never to get into a relationship with Vickie Guerrero. She tells Edge to take his beating like a man if, in fact, he is a man. Whoa!

Segment Twelve:
Big Show comes into the ring and we’ve got twenty minutes for a non-DQ match. Yes! Big Show introduces himself to Edge with a big slap to Edge’s chest and then proceeds to beat him senselessly outside the ring. Edge spears Big Show and they’re both down outside the ring. Vickie is sitting in the introduction area peering in with soulless conniving before wheeling down to the ringside area. Does this mean that she will fire herself?

While we were gone at commercial a kendo stick has appeared. Edge uses it on Big Show but it doesn’t work. Big Show dismantles the stairs, does some slapping and tosses Edge into the ringside crowd. Edge counters with a flying leap which fells the giant.

SYMBOLISM ALERT. Edge grabs the kendo stick and the camera angle shows the six-foot stick protruding from his midsection. The formerly-emasculated male figure now has power.

The action move back into the ring where Edge hops on Big Show’s back putting him into a sleeper hold. But the sleep doesn’t set in. Big Show does some slapping and headbutting but Edge counters Big Show’s chokeslam with a partially-realized DDT. Edge gains advantage with a kick to the crotch and a steel chair to the head. It looks like more chair damage but Big Show magically revives and chokeslams the Rated R Superstar.

It’s close to over now. A prone Edge is nearing a painful steel chair-induced hurting.

But but but but wait! Vickie Guerrero stops the match and hugs her former fiance. She feels pity for the poor guy as she strokes her hand through his luscious long blond hair. The crowd is raining vitriol on the star-crossed couple.

Vickie and Edge are now staring lovingly into each others eyes. Vickie tells him she loves him and that she’s sorry. Edge loves her too and wants her to marry him. She joyfully accepts and they exchange a gooey, rabid kiss. All this is done silenty and without microphone amplification. The only noise is the cascade of crowd dissatisfaction. We assume that the wedding is on for next week.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/11 WWE SmackDown Part Three: The Wedding Is Back On

Edge and Vickie Guerrero engage in some break-up arguments
Shelton Benjamin def. Matt Hardy
Mr. Kennedy def. Domino
Chavo Guerrero and Edge have a man to man conversation
Chavo and Vickie discuss Edge

Image details: Bride and Groom Having Disagreement served by picapp.com

Segment One:
Edge is tortured. The wedding is off. Edge gives orders, he doesn’t take orders. The wedding is off. Edge is his own man. Now he’s happy. Vickie Guerrero is not good enough for him. Mrs. Jabandgrapple says “word”. The wedding is off. The Baton Rouge crowd still thinks he sucks.

Here comes Vickie wheeled in by Ryder and Hawkins. The crowd thinks she sucks more than Edge. Which is saying a lot. She’s putting the verbal smackdown, as it were, on Edge. She’s forcing Edge to fight the Big Show tonight in a non-disqualification match. So much for standing by your man. The wedding is still off.

Edge counters with “At the end of the night The Big Show is going to be just like you Vickie…a loser!” She cuts his mike. We’re excited for the Main Event and enjoy the squabbling pair who obviously still love each other.

Segment Two:
Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin
Shelton is one of jabandgrapple.com’s favorite wrestlers. We’re hoping he gets a push. Before that Mick and JR kiss head writer and former Fabulous Freebird Michael Hayes’ butt with some compliments. Doesn’t that guy already have everything?

Shelton and Matt are engaging in a lot of center of the ring holds. The match started slow but it’s gaining momentum and the crowd is getting into it. Benjamin is partaking in a lot of risky rope leaping but Hardy is not taking advantage. The Gold Standard hits a powerful and unexpected Paydirt (?) and Hardy is out for the count. This was an surprising and abrupt win for Shelton Benjamin.

Segment Three:
Mr. Kennedy is fighting Domino but angers M.V.P. who is doing some co-announcing with JR and Mick. Kennedy is dominating this battle and the brand’s new additions are all looking good. SmackDown is quickly replacing RAW as my favorite show. Kennedy downs Domino with a Mic Check and taunts M.V.P. just a bit. Kennedy is then surprised by Umaga who Samoan Spikes him to M.V.P.’s delight.

Segment Four:
Chavo Guerrero is going to settle the score with Edge and Vickie and make things right. Maybe the wedding isn’t completely off after all…

Segment Five:
Chavo intervenes with Vickie by calling Edge names. Doesn’t he know that this is broadcast on TV? Edge must have a DVR. He says “We’re both Guerreros,” but Vickie isn’t having it. She tells Chavo he’s fighting HHH. Oooooof.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/11 WWE SmackDown Part One: The Wedding Is Still Off

These last two picks and the final match are going to have to be pretty darn great to get me into a good mood. Lucky for me, they are.

Match/Draft Pick #9 and #10
The last match is a 15-man Royal Rumble with 5 representatives from each brand. RAW looks pretty stacked but since pre-match RAW had 4 wrestler picks, SmackDown 2, and ECW 1 it’s clear that a SmackDown fighter is going to prevail.

The competitors have matching T-shirts which Mrs. Jabandgrapple thinks are darling. It’s a pretty good Royal Rumble highlighted by a vicious clash of heads between Batista and Edge. Batista’s head is gashed open and he oozes blood. The Animal is dazed for about five minutes before Big Show mercifully lifts him over the top rope. Batista clearly has a concussion. Let’s hope he can fight on Sunday.

The last four competitors are John Cena (RAW), HHH (RAW), Big Show (SmackDown) and Edge (SmackDown). Big Show is a perennial Royal Rumble favorite since he’s approximately 2,000 pounds. This doesn’t deter the RAW tandem who gang up on him and flip him over the top rope. Edge spends much of this time prone on the canvas. He too looks a little dazed and might also have a concussion from the Batista clash of heads.

Cena and HHH can’t contain their anger and attack each other. Edge capitalizes on their impetuousness and knocks them both out of the ring.

After the match and after Vince McMahon gives away $500,000 the stage collapses around him, he’s trapped, and finally wheeled out by EMT staff. We’re thinking amnesia or an altered personality as an excuse to stop giving away the money.

SmackDown Draft pick #1: Mr. Kennedy

Draft Grade: B+ The RAW stable was getting crowded and Kennedy is poised for bigger and better things on SmackDown.

SmackDown Draft pick #2: Triple H

Draft Grade: A- The snarling Cerberus of Orton-HHH-Cena has finally been separated. Thank heavens! The Night of Champions title matches just go a lot more interesting. I say Batista brings the World Heavyweight Championship to RAW while Triple H retains the WWE Title and takes that to SmackDown.

Overall Analysis: B-
The 2008 WWE Draft made a pretty big statement by moving Triple H away from RAW. That could sufficiently shake up the boring re-match PPV scene all by itself. Most of the picks turned out to be swaps of similar wrestlers. The brand landscapes haven’t changed that much.

Who wins the swaps, we wondered:

Rey Mysterio (RAW) vs. Jeff Hardy (SmackDown): PUSH
CM Punk (RAW) vs. Mr. Kennedy (SmackDown): SmackDown
Batista (RAW) vs. Triple H (SmackDown): RAW
Kane (RAW) vs. Umaga (SmackDown): RAW by a nose

So RAW wins by a nose but overall I’d have to give the edge (pardon the pun) to SmackDown.

The real loser was Matt Hardy and the ECW. Matt doesn’t have the ability to headline a brand like Kane or his brother. We can only hope that ECW’s dearth of draft picks means a talent import from other wrestling promotions.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Draft 2008 Picks #9, #10 and Overall Analysis

Hornswaggle def. Armando Estrada
Evan Bourne def. Matt Stryker
Kofi Kingston vs. Mike Knox ended when Shelton Benjamin enters ring
CM Punk def. Morrison

I don’t know why ECW gets a bad rap. This week’s show once again trumped Monday Night RAW in terms of excitement and good wrestling. Heck, it fit the same number of matches into one hour than last night’s show fit into two. FYI, I’m not counting RAW’s 12 second tag team bout as a match. It’s interesting what you can do when you’re not spending the entire show dialing a phone and giving away money.

The Hornswaggle vs. Armando Estrada match featured hilarious Looney Toons-like sequences with Estrada playing the perplexed Sylvester/Coyote/Elmer Fudd to Hornswaggle’s Tweety Bird/Roadrunner/Bugs Bunny. Hornswaggle dropped marbles, he shot super soakers, he broke cigars, and was always just out of reach from his frustrated pursuer.

Evan Bourne is lots of fun to watch with his Back flips and high flying action. Mike Knox rudely entered the ring after Bourne easily defeated Matt Stryker and put a beat down on the much smaller man. We hope Knox’s actions don’t prove a metaphor for Bourne and his life in the WWE.

The slightly larger and just as acrobatic Kofi Kingston handled Knox well and was about to pin him before Shelton Benjamin entered the ring and scrapped with his hated rival. We’d love to see both Shelton and Kingston drafted up and out of ECW on Monday. They would inject some life into RAW or SmackDown.

The night’s coup de grace was the ten-minute-plus highly technical match between CM Punk and John Morrison. These two have had a long ECW history and they clearly know each other well but this match didn’t have the feel of a tired retread (like Cena and JBL). It was terrific to watch a professionally executed extended match that wasn’t broken up by commercials and wasn’t stopped early by ring interference.

The night ended with the three ECW behemoths Kane, Big Show, and Mark Henry yelling at each other and talking tough. I had almost forgotten that Kane could talk. Even their stupid pose-prominent confrontation couldn’t spoil another great ECW episode.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

ECW June 17: Looney Tunes and Good Wrestling

RESULTS
Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne def. Mike Knox and Shelton Benjamin
Veronica def. Kelly Kelly
Finlay def. Armando Estrada
Colin Delaney def. Armando Estrada
Hornswaggle def. Armando Estrada
The Miz and Morrison def. Kane and CM Punk

Vince McMahon’s announcement of the June 23 WWE Draft has taken a bit of anticipation from tonight’s ECW matches. The bookend tag team matches were fun but their feuds will surely not be maintained when a few of these stars will be drafted into other WWE brands.

For example, it’s hard for me to put any attention to the Kofi Kingston – Shelton Benjamin rivalry because both deserve and appear to be moving upward and out of the ECW. Still, they’re very good in the ring together and I thought the toss flip Benjamin landed on his feet was impressive. Wish they had had more time to face off against each other.

Kofi seems suited to fill SmackDown’s high-flying void – at least until Rey Mysterio reappears – and his goofy Jamaican stereotype angle would fit on the Friday night show. That being said I thought the opening ECW tag team match was terrific.

I really like the in-ring aerials of Evan Bourne (who last week was Matt Sydal). If he’s given a chance he could pump a lot of excitement and action into the ECW and might even get himself a tag team title belt. Below is a youtube video of their match. If you didn’t see it, judge for yourself.

Regarding the other matches, I don’t ever mind seeing WWE Diva Kelly Kelly but I’ve already tired of the Armando Estrada saga which has descended into pure comic relief. Pinned by Hornswaggle! C’mon.

The main event tag team title match was watchable but Kane’s pre-match showdown with Big Show sapped the match’s momentum and relegated it to a sideshow to the future Night of Champions event.

Post from: EveryJoe

ECW June 11: Waiting for the WWE Draft

HOUR ONE RESULTS
Finlay def. Chuck Palumbo
The Great Khali def. Deuce and Domino

INTRO
La Familia begins the night drinking champagne in the center of the ring celebrating Edge’s World Heavyweight Championship and banishment of The Undertaker. This extended segment is highlight by a fake light’s out Undertaker intro, an extended continental kiss between Edge and Vickie Guerrero, and Vickie’s shocking return to her wheelchair. The crowd is especially hostile to Vickie. They reign profuse boos on her when she announces that she plans to marry Edge on July 11’s SmackDown. Batista interrupts their fun and is now scheduled to face La Familia in tonight’s main event.

MATCH #1
The Finlay – Chuck Palumbo feud continues with a no-DQ “Belfast Brawl” contest. Finlay wins after popping Palumbo with Chuck’s motorcycle chain. Palumbo is predictably distracted by Hornswaggle, this time by a vicious uppercut to the privates. I like the rough and tumble brawls these two are involved in but Finlay’s now won all three matches and I’m guessing their run is over. That’s a shame. Judging from the camera work Finlay’s next feud will involve M.V.P.

INTERLUDE
Big Show comes out showing off his gruesome eye injury. Mark Henry appears and his far too sweaty to look at. He’s challenging Big Show to a fight and their forced dialogue is painfully slow. These two won’t be joining the debate club anytime soon. This is a natural feud. Who else can these behemoths face? But it doesn’t get me that excited.

MATCH #2
The Great Khali is back and looking as awkward as ever. He easily defeats Deuce and Domino in a handicap match while managing to stay in the center of the ring for the match’s entire 90 seconds. Evidently the less movement the better for the Punjabi giant. In honor of The Great Khali’s homeland the accompanying picture is a yawning Bengal Tiger.

INTERLUDE
After showing off her engagement ring to seven WWE divas Vickie Guerrero invokes the late great Fabulous Moolah before announcing a new SmackDown women’s title as well as a Diva’s Challenge. This is a great idea and should add some needed excitement to the weekly SmackDown WWE Divas match.

Hour one of an uneventful SmackDown is over where we saw a grand total of two matches, one of which was over before it began.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE SmackDown 6/7 Hour One: All Talk and No Action

I’m not bound by boxing and apparently neither is Floyd Mayweather, Jr. Whereas I express myself by losing at poker for the majority of a Friday night and thus not watching the live boxing, Floyd demonstrates his determination by issuing a heartfelt and pained press release stating he’s gone for good and is forsaking his $20M fight against Oscar De La Hoya.

Boxing writers the blogosphere over have responded with their own heartfelt remembrances of the 31-year-old. Yahoo! Sports’ Kevin Iole tells Floyd how much he’ll be missed, ESPN’s Kieran Mulvaney wonders what might have been and even the usually doubtful Tim Starks from Ring Report thinks that this time it might be real.

I don’t believe Floyd is permanently retired at all. I’m so dubious of his statement that it’s hard for me to even classify it as news. In fact, I’m only half-heartedly writing the blog post. Practically speaking his “retirement” means the De La Hoya fight is off. No more no less.

It also means that Floyd’s squared circle swan song is now officially his Wrestlemania XXIV match against Big Show. If that’s not a reason for un-retirement than I don’t know what is.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Floyd Mayweather Retires Again

Image details: Man with arm in sling and ice pack on head served by picapp.com

I’m not going to get into the whole fixed NBA, fake injuries, scripted events thing again but Paul Pierce’s acting last night left a lot to be desired. Let’s just leave it at that. Over in the WWE, however, a rash of post-One Night Stand PPV injuries could be placing the Sports Entertainment product at a bit of a crossroads.

At One Night Stand WWE’s number one SmackDown star Undertaker lost to Edge and was banished from the WWE. The word on the streets is that Undertaker was suffering from some nagging injuries and needed some time off an understandable fate in the rigorous marathon working environment of pro wrestling.

Randy Orton, arguably RAW’s number one star, suffered a much more dramatic injury as he broke his collarbone after being tossed out of the ring. He is gone for at least three months. And as the WWE pictures show and as you’ll see tonight on SmackDown the Big Show’s eye is in a bad way. The larger-than-life star possibly suffered a broken eye orbital bone after dropping the steel ring stairs on his head during his One Night Stand Singapore Cane match.

So in the course of a weekend the WWE lost three huge stars, two unexpectedly, to bodily trauma. Before One Night Stand there was a lot of harping around the internet about how the WWE pay-per-views have suffered from too many rematches and retreads, not enough newcomers, and general stagnancy.

These injuries could give the WWE a chance to test out up-and-comers, give ignored wrestlers a chance, and groom others for stardom. Someone needs to fill the void, right?

Or we could just get John Cena vs. Triple H again. That’s what’s happening, you say? Oh well.

What do you think? Which up-and-coming wrestler do you want to see get a title shot? Comment below. Your opinion is just as good as mine.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Injuries Could Bring Change…Or Not

RESULTSCM Punk def. Tommy Dreamer and Chavo Guerrero and John Morrison
Shelton Benjamin def. Matt Sydal

Last week WWE’s ECW show shined brighter than both RAW and SmackDown with four good wrestling matches and no drama. Could history repeat itself? Not likely, as the story lines have already begun with Teddy Long (see picture on right. OK it’s Paris Hilton but she is holding a teddy bear) wresting ECW GM controls from Armando Estrada. It had seemed like Armando was making a permanent move to the ring.

MATCH ONE
Fatal Four-Way Match
CM Punk vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Morrison
Winner gets a match versus Kane in a non-title match.

Didn’t we just see this bout at One Night Stand? Only this time there’s no Big Show, no Shawne Merriman, and surely no blood.

The match ends with a flurry of good signature moves from all competitors but it’s a Go To Sleep from CM Punk on Chavo that ensures the straight-edged warrior a spot in tonight’s ECW Main Event. Guerrero is getting a surprising barrage of hatred from the crowd for his role in the La Familia saga.

MATCH TWO
Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Sydal

The former Wrestling Society X cast member and Ring of Honor high-flying talent Matt Sydal makes a surprisingly entertaining debut. He doesn’t win but he lands some cool looking acrobatic jumps before Benjamin’s strength overcomes the little guy.

The match ends with Benjamin tossing Sydal into Kofi Kingston who is working as a guest commentator. For the second week in a row Kingston and Benjamin brawl uncontrollably after one another’s match. This feud is beginning to hold my interest.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

ECW June 4 Part One: Teddy Long is Back