More Millions
Who could the WWE bring out alongside Vince McMahon to make the chairman look smart? Who could they put next to him that makes his delayed dialing synapses look lightning quick? There’s only one person:

Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan is in a tux and so is his 2×4. My IQ has just dropped about 40 points.

Jeff Hardy def. Carlito
We’re already at RAW’s halfway point and this is only the second match. Thankfully, it’s good. Carlito brings his A game and the two work well together. During the match our favorite high flyer takes 4 blind leaps from the top rope and finally pins Carlito after a well-executed Swanton Bomb. As he leaves the ring Jeff looks exhausted and in pain. We worry about his health and the toll all those high risk moves must inflict. Nobody puts his body through week-to-week rigor that Jeff does and his sacrifice is why he is so loved.

Chris Jericho segment
John Cena and Chris Jericho are the WWE’s best talkers and they’ve both been featured tonight on the mic. Cena’s segment led to a great match but Jericho’s seems to be heading elsewhere; we don’t think he’s going to fight Shawn Michaels tonight. Y2J gets off to a rousing start calling the Salt Lake City crowd morally corrupt, blaming them for his rage, and telling them that they don’t want to be saved. He tells them that through they’ve ostracized him through their judgmental booing. They’ve forced him to punish Shawn Michaels for their sins. HBK’s blood will be on their hands.

This segment is great. Jericho is attacking the crowd by playing the Christ figure. His speech is laden with biblical metaphors and themes and where is he? That’s right, in America’s most fundamentally religious state and in a city whose main attraction is Temple Square. Coincidence?

Y2J wants revenge on HBK. Michaels, however, isn’t there. Y2J has the “liars and cheaters” chant HBK and whose music intones? Who is going to challenge Jericho? Jean-Jacques Rosseau’s favorite wrestler: the Nature Boy Ric Flair!

So much for retirement. After a standing ovation that lasts the entirety of the commercial breaks they stare at each other meaningfully before Flair challenges Michaels to a fight in the parking lot thus bypassing his retirement requirements. Y2J is game and follows the very sweaty North Carolinian. When Jericho opens the Exit door he runs into HHH who has “been looking for a way to make you my business” which Mrs. Jabandgrapple adds might be homoerotic if HHH didn’t look like Matt Damon’s Lenny Pepperidge character from Ocean’s Thirteen.

Flair tries to be angry about Triple H fighting his battles but the “I Love Yous” that he sprinkles into the conversation sort of defeat his purpose. No matter. Vince McMahon swiftly has Flair escorted from the building. Is a McMahon-Flair feud building? Sounds good to us!

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE RAW 6/16: Hacksaw, Hardy, and the Nature Boy

Image details: Close-up of a businessman crying served by picapp.com

Match Four
Mr. Kennedy def. Carlito

Kennedy’s predictable defeat Carlito comes quickly with a well-executed Mic Check. Then the fun starts. Paul Burchill and his lovely “sister” Katie Lea sneak attack Kennedy and beat him senseless for ejecting their countryman William Regal from the WWE. The Denver crowd erupts into a spontaneous U.S.A. U.S.A. chant.

Segment Grade: D

Match Five
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Tonight’s main event is a rematch of Judgment Day’s best bout. These two professionals are two of the WWE’s best and their match is bound to be terrific. They quickly get to work with some acrobatic counters. Spit flies as Y2J hits HBK with a well placed elbow. But Jericho isn’t able to capitalize as he misses out on a high risk leap and lands splat outside the ring in front of the announcing booth. Maybe he’ll take the mic and give us the announcement. No such luck. More commercials.

When we return Michaels hits a good backslide and nearly pins Y2J but Jericho quickly counters by climbing the ladder and hitting a neat kick to the head. He’s in control now but is unable to land the bulldog on Michaels. and is languishing on the ropes. There’s just too much good action: flips off the ropes, submission hold attempts, more jumps off the ropes, and cradles. Michaels then goes for the sweet chin music but is countered with a Walls of Jericho. Great great match! HBK is able to get to the rope and stop the pain but Jericho is still in control.

The match moves outside of the ring where Y2J hits another Walls of Jericho. The 10-second count comes and their both DQ’d. Y2J goes for another Walls but the ref breaks it up. Y2J then seems to snap. He picks up a folding chair and is going after the ref. But wait. Something clicks and he looks at HBK with pity, understanding, and empathy. He soundlessly apologizes, looks to be near tears, and walks out of the ring.

Segment Grade: A-. Only because it could have gone longer and Y2J’s emotional breakdown wasn’t explained. We eagerly await that one.

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Memorial Day Monday Night Raw: Main Event First, Then The Announcement

The Setup\\r\\nThere\\\’s some big bad out-of-control bullying going on. For the third(!) week in a row RAW General Manager William Regal is angry about being disrespected. This time, instead of turning out the lights, he\\\’s kicking out a random pair in the audience. Miraculously, he picks out Mickie James\\\’ brother and sister to toss. Evidently they\\\’ve made the trek to Detroit from Richmond, Va. Gas prices be damned.\\r\\n\\r\\nMickie James doth protest the ejection. After she balks at her own Regal-dictated dismissal he angrily tells her \\\”What part of get out of the ring don\\\’t you understand?\\\” (Nominee #1 for best line of the night) Who will help poor Mickie? Will her recently-earned title be stripped?\\r\\n\\r\\nNo sir. John Cena\\\’s unmistakable \\\”The Time is Now\\\” theme music chimes in. Chivalry is not dead. John Cena is back. Thank heavens. He speaks for all WWE fans when he tells Regal he\\\’s gone over the line. Regal reminds us that Vince McMahon supported him last week.\\r\\n\\r\\nCena quickly retorts, \\\”Vince McMahon is insane. He talks to himself. A lot\\\” (Nominee #2) and then proceeds to read some hilarious anti-Regal emails. Our favorite comes from Logan from Portland \\r\\n\\r\\n\\\”(Regal\\\’s light turning off) is bad. WCW Thunder bad.\\\” (Nominee #3)\\\” He wants a mandated arena chant \\\”Fire regal clap clap clapclapclap. Fire Regal clap clap clapclapclap.\\\” Cena\\\’s comedic timing is perfect. We have missed him a great deal. He\\\’ll face Randy Orton tonight in the main event. Regal guarantees no interference. We can\\\’t wait. A+ intro\\r\\n\\r\\nEarly Fireworks\\r\\nBefore we can catch our commercial breath the broadcast jumps straight into a tag team title match between the team of Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes facing Santino Marella and Carlito. Rowdy Roddy Piper is sitting at ringside ready to stir up his growing beef with Marella. Marella mouths off to Piper regularly enough to drop the match for his team. Lose the dead weight Santino and fight the Rodster. Everyone loves personality. Segment Grade: C+\\r\\n\\r\\nMr. Kennedy is grappling next. He repeats his name about thirty times. He\\\’s fighting Snitsky, who is like Kane only without the effusive personality and paler. We wish he were facing the guy in the front row dressed like Hulk Hogan. Kennedy wins proving that brown teeth and lily white skin do not equate to a promising pro wrestling career. Segment Grade: D\\r\\n\\r\\nWe were right. The Santino-Roddy brawl is a-brewing and Santino is ready. \\\”Roddy the piper. this is not the 80\\\’s. Michael J. Fox is not going back in time to become a werewolf. (Nominee #4) Rodney the piper I\\\’m a coming after you.\\\” Also brewing, a Mickie James – John Cena romance. Cena\\\’s going out for drinks with her after the match but as he explains \\\”you go out with me, sometimes it\\\’s a wild night.\\\” We can imagine. Segments Grade: B\\r\\n\\r\\n Part One, The Glorious Return of John Cena\\r\\nPart Two, The Glorious Return of Jeff Hardy\\r\\nPart Three, The Glorious Return of the Steel Cage\\r\\n\\r\\nPhoto Source: Newscom.com\\r\\n\\r\\n

Post from: EveryJoe

Monday Night Raw: The Glorious Return of John Cena

In other Backlash match bookings the slow buildup between Shawn Michaels and Batista continued on Raw and their match at Backlash has now been officially announced.

In other Raw matches Santino Marella and Carlito defeated tag champs Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes in a non-title match, Paul London and Brian Kendrick topped Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, Beth Phoenix defeated Maria in singles action, Ashley and Mickie James beat Melina and Jillian, and Umaga decimated Val Venis.

Post from: EveryJoe

Backlash Takes Shape on Raw

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Wrestlemania 24 Quick Results

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Wrestlemania 24 Match Lineup

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ECW Recap (March 25, 2008)

Th main event this week on Raw was definitely above average in my book with Batista attacking Umaga and Finlay assaulting JBL but the hype for Wrestlemania doesn’t feel any bigger now then when the Big Show-Mayweather match storyline began or the triple-threat WWE Championship main event was set up. Right now I am most looking forward to Flair’s career threatening match with HBK (as surprised as I am to say that), the Money in the Bank match (though it would have been much better in my eyes had Jeff Hardy not been suspended), and the Heavyweight Championship match between Undertaker and Edge. I think last year’s Wrestlemania will be hard to top and perhaps that has made me feel slighted on the promotion of this one but I hope the outside feel will make this Wrestlemania one to remember.

Post from: EveryJoe

Raw Recap (March 24, 2008)

So it appears the rumors were true and Khali has indeed moved to RAW. Coachmen stated he was giving Umaga the night off because of his hard work at NYR and that Cena would face the Great Khali in a non-title match instead.

The match was bad for Cena from the start. Khali is just immensely huge, if you saw RAW last night when Cena and him went toe to toe you know what I mean. Well Khali beat Cena up while Estrada sat at the announcers table commenting on Umaga’s loss and the match at hand.

A steel chair was added to the already explosive match by Estrada and Cena used it against Khali earning the DQ. Umaga then ran into the ring to take on a tired and battered Cena giving him the Samoan Spike and standing over him until RAW went off the air. I guess the whole Umaga storyline is going to continue but I’m not sure how Khali enters into all of this. If I had to venture a guess I’d say eventually we see an Umaga/Khali feud crop up at some point.

Rated-RKO held a ‘celebration’ of sorts on RAW calling their no decision to DX a victory since they took out one of its members. The show also recapped the injury and confirmed The Game will be out 4-6 months. Shawn Michaels will be facing Rated-RKO next week in a 2-on-1 handicap match.

Ric Flair gave Kenny a revenge low blow which allowed Jeff Hardy to get the pin and retain the Intercontinental Champpionship. Victoria and Melina topped Maria and Mickie James in a tag team match. Torrie Wilson helped Carlito get the win over Chris Masters when she hit ‘The Materpiece’ over the head with the ring bell while the referee was distracted. Cryme Tyme defeated Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch in a tag match to reiterate their NYR victory.

The Donald Trump/Rosie O’Donnell bout was as bad as expected with Trump coming out victorious.

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Umaga Takes Out Anger On Cena

Check back later for more results and a full recap of New Year’s Revolution.

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New Year’s Revolution: Masters Wins (If You Cared…)