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5. Stop Using the Words “Kabbalah” and “Sports” in the Same Sentence

Yes, I’m talking to YOU, Madonna! It’s not that Kabbalah (or water) is a bad thing, it’s just that I don’t need to hear about both of them when I’m reading about sports. I don’t need to know how many bottles of Kabbalah water A-Rod has handed to you, or drank, or touched, or looked at. Sports should be SPORTS, darn it! Gatorade is the only sports drink I want to hear about in 2009.

And while we’re at it….. just admit that you two are a couple, for pete’s sake! We know already! We know…

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4. Stop Blaming the Girlfriends For the Downfall of Football Players

Sure, it’s easy to do. I’ve been known to (occasionally) make fun of a girlfriend or two myself. Ahem…

But seriously, it’s not Giselle’s fault that Tom Brady was out most of the year with a knee injury, or Kim Kardashian’s fault that Reggie Bush got injured, or Jessica Simpson’s fault that Tony Romo chokes in the playoffs (and falls down in the shower.)

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3. Stop Using the Open-Mouthed Photo of Michael Phelps

Any open mouthed photo!

I like Michael Phelps. I really do. He’s a tremendous athlete and seems like a nice enough guy… but whenever I see a picture like this:

or this:

or especially this:

It just makes me wanna smack him.

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2. Stop Letting Jessica Simpson Ramble on About Tony Romo

Hey, we’re happy that Jessica hearts Tony, but the interviews about how great Tony is and how he saved her and how she was nothing before him and how she likes to decorate a Christmas tree just for him…..

…enough already! I have this to say: Tony, just marry her already so we don’t have to listen to anymore!

And the fact that she actually wrote a love song to Tony called “You’re My Sunday” should be illegal. Don’t agree? Take a listen:

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1. Stop Comparing Aaron Rodgers to Brett Favre

I’m sure it’s hard to follow a legend (and like him or hate him, Brett Favre IS a legend), but the butt kissing that reporters have been doing the entire year with Aaron Rodgers is just ridiculous. I watched every single game and was extremely dismayed every time I’d see Aaron Rodgers scramble while a sports caster would say something like, “Aaron Rogers has to compete against Brett Favre every pass” or “Aaron Rodgers is actually a better quarterback than Brett Favre” or “Aaron Rodgers is just an amazing young man and has a great deal of pressure on him.”

Here’s the thing. Brett Favre is gone and he got slightly screwed by the Packers on his way out. But when he was gone, he was GONE. In other words, we don’t need to hear about him every single play. During one game Coach McCarthy actually gave stats on Rodgers’ hand size in comparison to Favre’s! In one of the final games of the year, I counted Favre’s named mentioned 16 different times.

Aaron Rodgers is a good first-year quarterback. He may be a great quarterback one day. But with one (losing) year in, it’s too early to say. Perhaps when Rodgers has been in the league 17 years we can make comparisons. For 2009, however, I just want him to shut up and play and the announcers to call the game in front of them, rather than the ghosts they see on the field.

Post from: EveryJoe

In Sports: Five Things That Need to Stop in 2009

Madonna, who tends to have a short attention span in general, is apparently ALMOST done with A-Rod. Not entirely done, of course, because she’s keeping him in the wings while she gets busy with a young model named Jesus Luz.

She does have a thing for those Latino men, doesn’t she? I can’t say as I blame her.

Madonna’s sites are on Jesus Luz but she’s not letting go of A-Rod entirely. He’s still visiting her on and off and she’s apparently willing to lend him to her pal Donna Karan for the time being.

A-Rod went to a New Year’s Eve gig with Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Bruce Willis and Ms. Karan. Donna was loving her some A-Rod! She was all over him, but he politely refused because he is still “hung up” on Madonna.

Post from: EveryJoe

Move Over A-Rod, Madonna Has a New Man

Looks like Carrie Underwood is trolling the sports world yet again for a new boyfriend.

Underwood has been seen lately with Ottawa Senators Mike Fisher and was at his game against the Toronto Maple Leafs on Saturday. And yeah…. they LOST.

Think she’s a jinx like Jessica Simpson?

I have to wonder what Tony Romo thinks of Carrie getting back into the “dating an athlete” world. After all, he’s been rumored to have called her on and off the entire time he’s been dating Jessica. (The scoundrel!) One thing is for sure, Jessica Simpson has to be VERY happy over the fact that Carrie finally has another guy to focus on.

Post from: EveryJoe

Carrie Underwood Eyes Another Athlete

Tom Brady has closed on a “3.6-acre vacant lot” in Brentwood, California, right down the road from Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger’s house.

I’m sure Tom and the Schwarzenegger will have tons to chat about. Like how to rehabilitate a bum knee and how to leave a girl after she tells you she’s pregnant. Oh wait… Tom Brady is the only scoundrel who did that. (Sorry, Arnold.)

Rumors are flying that Tom and his current gal Gisele Bundchen may be getting hitched in the off season. Springtime, to be exact.

Of course there is another rumor that suggests Brady is buying this place in order to flip it.

I nearly laughed myself out of my chair with that one. Can’t you see Brady painting and re-tiling floors just so he can make a few bucks? (Yeah, me neither.)

Of course I can’t really see him settling down and being a proper husband, either. So you never know.

Post from: EveryJoe

Watch Out Arnold, Tom Brady is Coming to Your Side of Town

Alex Rodriguez was apparently trying to make sure everybody who was anybody could see him drive around Miami recently.

According to the New York Post’s Page Six, he drove around in a Mercedes with a license plate reading, “ALEX RODRIGUEZ.”

Just in case you weren’t 100% sure it was him courting the beautiful and charming Madonna.

My question is: Does ALEX RODRIGUEZ even fit on a license plate?

Post from: EveryJoe

A-Rod Wants to Make Sure You Know It’s Him in the Car