Mickie James & Jamie Nobel Vs. Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella: Marella pins Nobel for the win.

Ted Dibiase Jr. Vs. Kofi Kingston: Dibiase wins by pinfall.

Between Matches you see Dolph Ziggler trying to introduce himself to Mark Henry, Tony Atlas and Kane. They ignore him. Now I don’t know about anyone else but isn’t this "Hi, I’m Dolph Ziggler." thing getting a little bit old? Shut up and wrestle already.

They also show video of John Cena and about his neck surgery. The doctors said it all went well and that there was slight paralysis before the surgery. Batista talks about how Cena was a great and difficult opponent and HHH was talking about how John was back on his feet and visiting everyone while he should have been resting, but that’s John Cena. Everyone was very supportive of Cena and said he was a great guy with personality and such. John Cena is a fun and funny character in the ring. Like many others, I’ve seen him come in as a much younger and skinnier, lower card wrestler. Not knowing or ever even thinking that he would be as popular as he is today. I hope he recovers well and soon and hope to see him in the ring in the future.

Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio Vs. Kane & Mark Henry: This one looked as if Matt Hardy and Mysterio were going to win, but in the end Kane caught Hardy in a choke slam and pinned him for the win.

HBK Vs. Lance Cade: In the end of this Anything Goes match, HBK ended up beating the hell out of Cade with a chair and pinned him for the victory.

Between matches, Jerry The King Lawler says that Santino Marella claims to be the greatest Intercontinental Champion and ion two week he’s get to prove it. King says that the fans get to choose who Santino Faces by texting their votes. You can vote for Gold Dust, The Honkey Tonk Man or Rowdy Roddy Piper. I hope it’s piper, because I love to see piper get back in the ring. I really never cared for Gold Dust and his Pajamas and The Honky Tonk man is like a thousand years old…no wonder those guitars disintegrate when slammed over peoples heads.

Johnny Knoxville interviewed The Great Khali for a segment of Jackassworld.com. One of his questions was that with the size of The Great Khali, is everything in proportion, meaning his "Tally-whacker". Khali took offense to this. Khali is in the ring and says abu-dubu-lala-dubi-whatty, or something like that and sing translates that to Khali wanting Knoxville to show up at raw in two weeks so he can show him real entertainment. Until then he’s going to host the "Kiss-Cam" So the porn music starts to play and the big heart goes up on the screen and it shows a few couples in the crowd kissing and then it goes to the beautiful Lillian Garcia (who was in the ring about to announce the next match when she was interrupted by Sing and Khali’s intrusion)…so Khali wanders over and plants  a kiss on the rather unwilling Lillian Garcia. Khali mumbles something and does the phone hand gesture and Sing says "Khali will call you."

I love the whole Jillian thinking she can sing gimmick. It’s like watching karaoke in crack. Jillian comes out to the ring and starts trying to sing Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit. The Miz and John Morrison are guest commentators with King and Cole. Kelly Kelly comes to the ring with Cryme Tyme. Cryme Time join King and Cole on the other side of the commentators table. During the entire match Cryme Tyme and Miz-Morrison are talking trash and throwing some of the corniest insults back and fourth and you can tell they were having fun with it. There was a match going on here too. Kelly Kelly, in all her blonde cuteness won by pinning Jillian. Both ladies looked absolutely exhausted as if they had been going at it for hours. At one point before Kelly Kelly rolled up Jillian for the pin, they were trying to do the whole, "Flip you opponent over your shoulder so she lands on her feet routine." but it almost looked as if they couldn’t do it. Jillian had to try like three times just to get the momentum to get Kelly Kelly up.

More video on Cena

The Main Event- Batista Vs. JBL w/ Y2J as special guest referee. But first, special time keeper William Regal, special guest commentator Randy Orton. Blows are traded during the match and Y2J is constantly telling JBL to get up and this and that. At one point Y2J trips Batista as Batista whips JBL into the corner. But in the end Batista double spears Jericho and JBL. Mike Adamle runs to the ring with another ref who counts the three count as Batista pins JBL for the win.

Afterwards Mike Adamle comes out as Jericho is walking around outside the ring. Adamle says that it’s ironic that Jericho appointed himself the guest referee. He said during his meeting with Shane and Stephanie McMahon, they told him to shake things up a bit. So at Cyber Sunday Y2J will face Batista for the championship with a special guest referee that could be anyone from Randy Orton to HBK to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Raw goes off-air.

Image ©JabandGrapple.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Raw Recap 10/7

Match Number Eight
Triple H vs. Edge

for the WWE Championship

Triple H Wins

A WWE phone poll says 55% have more sympathy for Edge while 45% side with Vickie. We can’t believe that many people are with Vickie. Really surprising. Another Eve Torres moment…

…

…

Where were we? Edge comes out with nearly as much greasy wet hair as his opponent. The greasy hair gap has been closed. Edge to Edge. The bell rings and Edge rushes at him with the intensity of a woman scorned. Triple H easily eschews his impetuousness and starts the assumed beat down.

The entire front row has turned away from the ring and is waving to the cameras. Tells you something about the excitement level of the match, no?

Edge gains control of the match after slamming HHH into the ringside stairs. He pounces on Triple H outside the ring and slams him into an announcer’s booth. Edge has HHH into a body scissors subsmission hold. We’re hoping somebody appears soon to liven to the match up be it Vickie, The Undertaker, or maybe both.

There’s been some good back and forth but little drama. There we go. Edge hits a nice DDT on HHH outside the ring. Nothing amps up the fun like a near double count out. Edge pushes the de-energized HHH into the ring and goes for the pin. 1-2 and not quite 3.

HHH catapults Edge into the turnbuckle and lands a DDT of his own. No pin though. HHH keeps favoring his ribs. Could he be on hiatus for a baby birth as well?

At this point both men are woozy. HHH eludes a rushing spear and then another countering the last with a Double Edge Spine Buster. He can’t finish him with the Pedigree though. Now Edge is going for a debilitating Superplex. Success. But as Mrs. JandG explains, “That move is stupid, it hurts them both equally.”

Alicia Fox a/k/a The Wedding Planner rushes to the ring and grabs the belt. She’s followed by Vickie Guerrero and those two engage in a heated cat fight. Edge looks to break it up and lands a vicious spear on his wife. Edge is in shock and Triple H capitalizes. He lands a Pedigree and pins Edge. Night over about fifteen minutes early. We wonder, did Triple H hurt his ribs and ask for the match to end? Hard to say.

***

Match Number Seven
John Cena vs. JBL

in a NYC Parking Lot Brawl

JBL Wins

OK, so it’s not exactly a parking lot, it’s more like the bowels of the Nassau Coliseum. JBL is armed with a crowbar and wearing a dress shirt and tie. Thank heavens we don’t have to see his boobies. This match is in no way live.

JBL is searching everywhere for Cena who is in the driver’s seat of of Lincoln which hurtles into the Ford JBL is standing on. Product placement. Cena jumps at JBL armed with jumper cables which he attaches to JBL’s privates and connects to the car’s battery. Electric relaxation!

Cena’s next implement of destruction is a beer keg which he smashes into a car window. JBL escapes to the front seat where Cena slams his head into the wheel numerous times.

JBL lands his first successful move when he slams Cena into a car door which promptly breaks off. Mama JandG says “He should body slam him into the limousine’s bull horns.” My mom has some kind of imagination. She continues, “Cindy Rowe (a Harrisburg-area auto glass repair shop) is going to make out with this match!”

JBL’s attempts to pin Cena are unsuccessful so he grabs a crowbar and begins smashing windows. He puts Cena into the back seat of a Ford and grabs a gasoline container from his limo. He pours the fuel onto the Ford, pops open his zippo, and lights the car on fire. WWE employees immediately appear with fire extinguishers.

Cena jumps out of the car refreshed. He puts JBL in another Ford and hops onto a forklift. He’s carrying the car into the ring! This match is finally going to happen with a live audience. The painful silence is over. Thank heavens. The bout was live after all.

This match has been all flash with little reward. Cena looks up to the clock to make sure he can end it. He hits a five knuckle shuffle but before he hits the STFU JBL tosses him into the car’s windshield which immediately shatters. JBL pins the, um, shattered Cena. This bout was a stupid cartoon imitation of a wrestling match and not nearly as interesting as it might read. May they never fight again. Please. Worst match of the night. Mrs. JandG says “Stink-O-Rama.”

Both fighters look visibly hurt, probably just cuts from the windshield glass.

***

Match Number Six
CM Punk vs. Batista

for the World Heavyweight Championship

Double Disqualification because Kane interferes; Punk retains title.

So you’re telling me that the World Heavyweight Championship gets a lower billing than the Cena-JBL non-title match? Or is that match not happening? And why is Punk coming out first? Isn’t he the title holder? No respect at all.

This match is definitely a make or break match for Punk. I don’t think it’s going to happen. Mama JandG concurs, “If that little guy beats Batista then something’s up.”

Papa JandG says “Punk’s going to win this. I’m telling you.” This is a contentious house. So far the match’s action feels awfully forced and pretty unrealistic. Batista lands a powerful suplex and now has Punk in a Camel Clutch. Batista looks like he is enjoying beating Punk up. Mama JandG is also enjoying the match, “That Batista sure is put together!”

The Animal goes for the Batista Bomb but is too close to the ropes. Punk is on the move now and hits Batista with a kick to the side of the head. 1-2 and not quite 3. The Animal kicks out. Punk almost land another fall after splashing Batista from the top rope. Batista then counters and almost takes the Straight Edge One down.

Batista’s next move is a vicious clothesline and things are getting good now. The action is outside the ring. Batista has Punk hurt and pushes him into the ring for the easy pin but Kane interferes, choke slams Punk, and the ref ends the match with a double DQ.

Kane again mutters “Is he alive or is he dead?” before ruthlessly knocking out a cameraman with a swift boot. He leaves the ring area where Heavyweight Champ Punk is still reeling with a bloody mouth. The Animal re-enters the ring and lands a convincing Batista Bomb. Punk can’t keep the title for much longer. He’s proving to be a boy amongst men.

***

Match Number Five
Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

for the SmackDown Divas Championship

Michelle McCool Wins

How do you follow an epic, bloody match between two veteran hall of famers? That’s right. A WWE Divas match. Natalya has McCool in a really cool looking move called a Surfboard. Mrs. JandG remarks, “That Michelle McCool is awfully flexible.” Um, um, what do you say to that?

Natalya puts McCool into a Sharpshooter but McCool is able to get the the ropes. McCool gets Natalya into a Brazilian heel hook and the Anvil’s daughter taps out far too soon. The wrong person won.

After the match Eve Torres enters the ring dressed in a stunning short yellow dress. But before I can ogle any more Chris Jericho disrupts the night’s most perfect moment by announcing that Shawn Michaels has a detached retina and is done. Hasn’t Y2J received an advance copy of Four Kings? Doesn’t he know that Sugar Ray Leonard fought like a dozen fights with that same injury? Evidently not. This feud is not over.

***

Match Number Four
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Chris Jericho Wins

It’s the match we’ve all been waiting for! So soon in the broadcast? Jericho enters the ring with a very intimidating vest. HBK comes in in all orange and a cowboy hat. Has his eye healed? They stare down as if they’re in love for about 15 seconds. It’s on.

Michaels is already grabbing his ribs as if he is hurt. What a faker! HBK quickly puts Y2J into a figure four leg lock. The match is all about the throwback. Jericho hits a great drop kick off the second rope and then grabs his knee. Mama JandG says “These guys are real complainers.” She continues “Can you imagine how sweaty Shawn is in those leather pants?” No we can’t.

This match is already living up to our expectations. Both competitors have landed a series of terrific moves. The momentum is building at a wonderfully steady pace. Y2J hits a Walls of Jericho but it looks like HBK is going to get to the ropes. He does.

Near fall after HBK nails Y2J with a powerful forearm. He’s now traveled to the top rope. Y2J sprints over to the ropes, shaking HBK’s vitals down onto the turnbuckle. Shawn looks to be turning purple. They’re now grappling from the top of the turnbuckle. HBK kicks him off and hits an elbow to Jericho’s heart. Instead of the pin he amps up the crowd.

Lance Cade tries to interfere but HBK easily disposes of him. There are two neat counters from both wrestlers which almost result in pins. Michaels then does a backflip FROM THE TOP ROPE onto Cade and Jericho who are standing outside of the ring. Wowee zowee.

HBK’s eye has been split open and is bleeding profusely! Jericho sees it and goes on the attack. The spewing blood is making for great drama. The ref wants to stop the match but Michaels is too much of a man.

Y2J headbutts the cut and punches the cut. He’s gleefully inflicting injury. The camera zooms in on HBK’s face and we’re straining to find the gash. HBK is in a bad way. He’s hanging on for dear life grabbing onto the front of Jericho’s trunks. The ref puts an end to the action; Michaels’ eye has been through too much.

The medical staff comes in to help Michaels but curiously they do not wipe the blood off his face or tend to the cut. Great match but I wish they would have let it go on.

***

Match Number Three
Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer

for the ECW Championship

Mark Henry Wins

Big big surprises so far. Two title changes in two huge upsets. This pay-per-view has had a terrific start…until now. Mark Henry enters the ring with Tony Atlas. Tommy Dreamer follows with Colin Delaney.

Mr. Jabandgrapple’s mom starts laughing hysterically. “That guy is so big. He’s like a brick wall!” Announcer Tazz announces “Mark Henry is a brick wall.” Eerie. So eerie.

Mama JandG continues “This is so hard to watch. Mark Henry looks like he is breaking his arm. Why isn’t Dreamer screaming in pain? Scream, Dreamer, scream!”

The room breaks into audible Nooooo! as Henry looks to flop onto Dreamer. Tommy eludes him at the last second. Tommy Dreamer seems like he is in control on the top rope. He lets out a Tarzan scream and is going to finish Henry off.

But no! Colin Delaney double crosses his mentor, grabs Dreamer’s arm and the ECW original goes flying into the canvas. Henry pins him easily as Delaney walks off with snarly self satisfaction. We didn’t see that twist coming.

***

Match Number Two
Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

for the United States Championship

Shelton Benjamin Wins

This match was not announced! We are pleasantly delighted. This one is for the technical wrestling fans. These two fought a few weeks ago in an underwhelming SmackDown match. Let’s hope this one is an improvement.

There’s been a lot of holds. Hardy has spent most of the time outside the ring and/or in pain. Benjamin continues the punishment. He’s clearly going to lose.

Shelton has Matt in a submission hold and the crowd is chanting for a Hardy resurrection. I yell at Papa Jabandgrapple to “watch the match and stop doing a crossword puzzle!” Mrs. JandG says “This match is painfully boring, you can’t force it on anyone.”

I say, “But what about Benjamin’s terrific kick out of nowhere that just happened and Hardy’s super body slam and resulting leg drop from the top rope?”

“Not enough, but Gold Standard’s catch of Hardy and toss into the turnbuckle was pretty cool.”

Hardy’s had two 2 7/8 near falls and the match is picking up. Hardy goes for a moonsaw and Benjamin catches him in the face with his knees. The Gold Standard then hits a Paydirt and Hardy is out. 1-2-3 pin. New United States Champion.

***

Match Number One
Miz and Morrison vs. Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. Jesse and Festus vs. Ryder and Hawkins

in a WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal Four Way

Ryder and Hawkins Win

This opening match surprises me. I thought Mark Henry would be starting this one off. The bell rings, Festus goes crazy and everyone clears the ring…except Hornswaggle. The little leprechaun flies out of the ring and now The Miz is facing the Of Mice and Men lead character.

Hawkins and Ryder have just made their first entry in the ring on an unintentional tag for Morrison. The fun has just nosedived as the Edgeheads pound and hold.

There are far too many tags for me to keep up with by the way. Morrison does an attractive leap over the top rope to fell Finlay. Miz and Morrison have become a terrific tag team and really deserve this win. Finlay almost pins Ryder but Miz and Morrison break the fall. Ryder then almost pins Finlay but Hornswaggle breaks it up. Will there be a pin tonight?

Indeed there is. Miz and Morrison enter the ring too quickly to break up a Festus pin of Hawkins. Hawkins then pulls Jesse into the ring, pins him, and gains the WWE Tag Team Title. Mrs. Jabandgrapple is disgusted. She says, “I hate when mediocrity is rewarded!” We have to agree.

***

Not even a Pennsylvania summer thunder storm can stop me. www.jabandgrapple.com’s internet coverage was out until 7:56 p.m. but it’s on now! The Great American Bash live blog is about to begin.

Post from: EveryJoe

Great American Bash 2008 Live Blog

More Millions
Who could the WWE bring out alongside Vince McMahon to make the chairman look smart? Who could they put next to him that makes his delayed dialing synapses look lightning quick? There’s only one person:

Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan is in a tux and so is his 2×4. My IQ has just dropped about 40 points.

Jeff Hardy def. Carlito
We’re already at RAW’s halfway point and this is only the second match. Thankfully, it’s good. Carlito brings his A game and the two work well together. During the match our favorite high flyer takes 4 blind leaps from the top rope and finally pins Carlito after a well-executed Swanton Bomb. As he leaves the ring Jeff looks exhausted and in pain. We worry about his health and the toll all those high risk moves must inflict. Nobody puts his body through week-to-week rigor that Jeff does and his sacrifice is why he is so loved.

Chris Jericho segment
John Cena and Chris Jericho are the WWE’s best talkers and they’ve both been featured tonight on the mic. Cena’s segment led to a great match but Jericho’s seems to be heading elsewhere; we don’t think he’s going to fight Shawn Michaels tonight. Y2J gets off to a rousing start calling the Salt Lake City crowd morally corrupt, blaming them for his rage, and telling them that they don’t want to be saved. He tells them that through they’ve ostracized him through their judgmental booing. They’ve forced him to punish Shawn Michaels for their sins. HBK’s blood will be on their hands.

This segment is great. Jericho is attacking the crowd by playing the Christ figure. His speech is laden with biblical metaphors and themes and where is he? That’s right, in America’s most fundamentally religious state and in a city whose main attraction is Temple Square. Coincidence?

Y2J wants revenge on HBK. Michaels, however, isn’t there. Y2J has the “liars and cheaters” chant HBK and whose music intones? Who is going to challenge Jericho? Jean-Jacques Rosseau’s favorite wrestler: the Nature Boy Ric Flair!

So much for retirement. After a standing ovation that lasts the entirety of the commercial breaks they stare at each other meaningfully before Flair challenges Michaels to a fight in the parking lot thus bypassing his retirement requirements. Y2J is game and follows the very sweaty North Carolinian. When Jericho opens the Exit door he runs into HHH who has “been looking for a way to make you my business” which Mrs. Jabandgrapple adds might be homoerotic if HHH didn’t look like Matt Damon’s Lenny Pepperidge character from Ocean’s Thirteen.

Flair tries to be angry about Triple H fighting his battles but the “I Love Yous” that he sprinkles into the conversation sort of defeat his purpose. No matter. Vince McMahon swiftly has Flair escorted from the building. Is a McMahon-Flair feud building? Sounds good to us!

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE RAW 6/16: Hacksaw, Hardy, and the Nature Boy

Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed last night’s RAW. However, this month’s community blog post here at b5 media is “The Worst” so I’ll be scouring each match and segment on RAW to determine what was “The Worst”. I’ll also balance it with “The Best”.

Segment winners in italics. At the end of the article we’ll crown our definitive Worst and Best of the June 2 WWE Monday Night RAW.

SEGMENT #1
Triple H, John Cena, Jeff Hardy and Vince McMahon discuss who will face HHH at the Night of Champions.

The Worst Nominees: HHH’s theme music (always bad); HHH making fun of Randy Orton’s broken collarbone; Vince McMahon’s kooky and confusing memory loss gimmick.
The Best Nominees: John Cena’s great stage presence (bringing up Nostradamus, Dr. Emmett Brown, Miss Cleo, and John Edward); Jeff Hardy’s inclusion in the title shot contenders; The Jeff Hardy replica armbands that so many audience members are wearing.

SEGMENT #2
Mr. Kennedy def. Umaga
The Worst Nominees: Paul Birchill cowardly ducking Mr. Kennedy; Katie Lea Birchill’s velvet costume; Birchill’s predictable post-match sneak attack.
The Best Nominees: Kennedy calling William Regal a “little British pansy”; The “I Wish Katie Lea Was My Sister” sign; Lawler’s “Katie Lea must be a fast learner” comment.

SEGMENT #3
Vince McMahon announces his $1,000,000 plans
The Worst Nominees: Vince’s bad acting and disingenuous amazement at the look of $1M; Vince’s increasingly growly voice; The incorrect belief that people need free money to watch the WWE.
The Best Nominees: Vince’s saying that the contest winner had to be an American citizen and that that might be difficult here in Bakersfield, Calif.; Vince correctly calling the WWE a cross-section of America; Vince’s call to bring back past wrestling fans; The class warfare angle “those who insult wrestling don’t get it and look down on you”.

SEGMENT #4
Santino Marella and Carilto def. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes
The Worst Nominees: Non-title matches; Roddy Piper misuse as time keeper; Roddy Piper’s shirtlessness;
The Best Nominees: King to JR: “The last time you opened up your wallet Ric Flair was voted best newcomer.”; Santino insulting Jimmy Kimmel using gimmicks of other late-night hosts; Change: Cody Rhodes possibly breaking up with Holly and joining other next generation wrestler Ted DiBiase, Jr.

SEGMENT #5
Chris Jericho def. JBL
The Worst Nominees: JBL’s boring wrestling style; Jericho’s weird need to show mercy to his competitors angle; More fake JBL blood.
The Best Nominees: Jericho’s promise to defend the InterContinental Title as much as possible; Y2J’s acrobatics; The crowd’s bloodlust and desire to see more pain inflicted on JBL.

SEGMENT #6
Beth Phoenix and Katie Lea Birchill def. Melina and Mickie James
The Worst Nominees: This match’s abrupt end (I was really getting into it); Katie Lea’s gawkiness; The Mr. Kennedy-Birchill feud overshadowing the good women’s match and Melina-Phoenix feud.
The Best Nominees: Melina’s epic yearning desire to attack Beth Phoenix and her subsquent feverish hair-pulling; Mickie James’ perky acrobatic and excitable style;The beatdown Phoenix puts on Melina.

SEGMENT #7 and #8
Lance Cade def. Trevor Murdoch
John Cena and Mickie James talk in the training room while HHH watches TV in the locker room
The Worst Nominees: Cryme Tyme extraneously eying up the $1M; The WWE’s crashed internet server due to overwhelming $1M applicants; Trevor Murdoch’s singing; The crass Mickie James’ panties joke; HHH’s crotch shot
The Best Nominees: The breakup of a successful tag team and the resulting feud; Their apparent disdain for each other (just wish I could get more excited about this one); The commercial for the forthcoming The Rock 3-DVD set; John Cena and Mickie James do look cute together.

SEGMENT #9
John Cena def. Jeff Hardy for the right to face HHH at the Night of Champions PPV.
The Worst Nominees: A dude from the audience actually made it past the security and into the ring and seriously killed the momentum of what could have been a great match; We love Cena but we wanted new blood going for the title; The mid-match commercial shortened an already shortened match.
The Best Nominees: A dude from the audience actually made it past the security and into the ring and the crowd cheered him wildly; Hardy and Cena showed great professionalism when they visibly laugh at the guy and are forced to delay their match until he’s removed from the arena; JR and Lawler do a great job joking about the ring interloper: The King evokes an image of JR streaking and they reckon the $1M promise has driven the crowd crazy.

The WORST of RAW: Has to be the crass Mickie James panties joke from Segment #8. In Segment #3 Vince talked about how he wanted to bring back people who grew up watching wrestling and for some reason stopped. For me that reason was the unnecessary inclusion of sexual gags and a loss of the 1980’s innocence. If I had been tuning in anew for the $1M that joke might have turned me off for good.

The BEST of RAW: We’ll say the breakup of Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes that was hinted at in Segment #4. We want a change from the stagnant matchups more than anyone and a stable/alliance of second (and third) generation wrestlers like Rhodes and DiBiase, Jr. would be great.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Monday Night RAW June 2: The Worst

Whenever Mrs. Jabandgrapple watches the WWE with me she often repeats the same chorus, “Is John Cena going to be on today? He’s cute,” or “That Randy Orton, he’s a handsome man.”

Today I posed this question: Who are Your Top Ten WWE Hotties?

She couldn’t quite get to ten. Too many meatheads.

Nevertheless here are her numbers seven through four counting down and accompanied by pointed analysis.

7. Chris Jericho

Handsome, yes. Interesting, no. You know he was the homecoming queen’s obligatory date. Great for photo opps and showing off to the parents. Before you meet your real boy toy after the dance.

6. Big Show

I can’t help it. I see Big Show, I think big cuddly love muffin. Kind of like the big huge bouncer at your local club that they hire to look intimidating, but in secret, watches reruns of the Care Bears on DVD. I want to climb into his lap and take a nap with my blankie.

5. Santino Morella

Not exactly as lovable as Domenico from the first season of a Shot at Love, but not far off the mark. Irreverent. Funny. What’s that you say? The accent’s not real? Oh yeah? Well what if I told you wrestling’s not real? Ok then. Don’t rain on my parade. I won’t rain on yours.

4. Jeff Hardy

Adorable. Flexible. A little goofy at times. Eager to please. Come on! You know you wish Jeff Hardy was your boyfriend.

We’ll post the Top Three in about an hour. If you have any disagreements or any additions to the list just comment below and maybe Mrs. Jabandgrapple.com will find reason to reassess numbers ten through eight.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Top WWE Hotties According to Mrs. Jabandgrapple (Nos. 7-4)

Match Seven:
Randy Orton vs. Triple H
Cage coming down! Both men climb to the top of the cage and pose. The match starts. Stomp stomp choke hold choke hold headlock headlock punch punch.

Result: Triple H pins Orton and keeps the title.

Match Six:
MVP vs. Jeff Hardy
Surprise match. Big Show vs. Mark Henry evidently isn’t happening.

Result: Jeff Hardy pins MVP.

Match Five:
The Undertaker vs. Edge
Lots of outside the ring action here. Can he legally choke slam Edge if it’s not in technically done “in the ring”? Probably not. Turnbuckle exposed. Can George “The Animal” Steele be far away? Oh no he didn’t! Oh yes he did. Choke slam completed.

Result: The Undertaker defeats Edge but Vicki Guerrero has something to say. She says The Undertaker isn’t a legal champ despite the fact that he has the belt. You can’t win on a count out. This drama has legs.

Match Four:
Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Melina
Good choice following up that tremendous match with the Divas.

Result: Mickie James pins Melina and keeps the belt.

Match Three:
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
Michaels knee appears to be fine. Lots of submission attempts and back and forth action. Great work done here. Fun all around.

Result: Shawn Michaels pins Y2J after quickly countering a Walls of Jericho.

Match Two:
John Morrison and The Miz vs. CM Punk and Kane

Result: Morrison pins CM Punk while Kane choke slams The Miz outside the ring. Morrison and Miz keep the WWE Tag Team Title Belt. Good match. Good action.

Match One:
John Cena vs. JBL

Result: Cena pins JBL after a painfully boring 15 minute bout. Let’s hope this PPV event improves.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Judgment Day 2008 Results

Regal comes out and turns the lights off again to a chorus of “Regal sucks” chants. He promises to do the entire show in “internal” darkness, which might not be eternal but makes sense somehow. Mr. Kennedy shows up with a silly amount of facial stubble. Regal reminds everyone that “I will not be disrespected!” and orders Kennedy to fight entire ECW in the main event. We hope he bloodies Kennedy’s lip again. He doesn’t, instead choosing to tell us again that “I will not be disrespected.”

Triple H appears presumably to do some disrespecting. But no, he’s still angry for being disrespected. Very angry. He thinks Regal has “declared war on him” by pulling the plug last week. Regal, of course, informs Triple H that he’s joining Mr. Kennedy in the fight-the-whole ECW match. Sounds a little gimmicky and anticlimactic to us.

The Prelims:
The WWE women’s championship is on the line in a lumberjack match, giving the lovely divas another chance to appear en masse. The ersatz spotted owl exterminators do a healthy amount of outside-the-ring scrapping and camera posing. We love it! When the action focus inside the ring on the Beth Phoenix – Mickie James match we are bored. Mickie James wins with a successful inside cradle.

Paul Burchill and his “sister” Katie Lea are set to face some anonymous Canadian. Regal returns Mike Adamle to the announcer’s booth and Jim Ross is grumpily forced to the sidelines. Luckily the match is over quickly and we don’t have to listen to Adamle for much longer. Did you know Adamle played in the NFL for six years? Hard to believe.

The Build-Up:
Shawn Michaels is forced to team with his half-hearted rival Chris Jericho against WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz and John Morrison. If Regal were to turn the lights off during this match the collective glitter on the four competitors’ pants would sufficiently illuminate the Air Canada Centre. Michaels chooses not to tag during the entire match because of bum knee but it’s his well-timed sweet chin music that send Morrison to the canvas for good. Michaels drags his knee back to the locker room. It’s a wonder he can even walk.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton. Wrestler vs. rassler, exciting vs. boring, jumper vs. stomper, ECW vs. WWE, pale skin vs. baby-oiled tan body, career riser vs. nepotist. It’s a welcome budding rivalry but not that exciting a match. Regal agrees, enters and turns the lights off. Match over.

Highlight of the broadcast so far: a terrific Carlito’s Cantina with Rowdy Roddy Piper and Santino Marella. They trade insults the best being Roddy telling Santino to “get a designated driver.” The segment ends with Cryme Tyme and Cody Rhodes doing a pro-Piper hip hop chant while Roddy does a joyous Irish jig. Hilarious stuff.

Before JBL beats D.H. Smith to a pulp he shows us the inside of his limo, flashes his crotch for a painful 20 seconds or so, calls Canada a toilet bowl, and steps over the line with some repulsive Hart Foundation insults. We didn’t think it was possible but we hate him even more.

The Main Event:
Thirteen (or is it fourteen) ECW competitors proves too much as Chavo Guerrero pins Mr. Kennedy after a Kane chokeslam. Then the fun starts. Triple H starts attacking everyone, the ECW teammates attack each other and then Triple H. A steel chair is brought in, somehow Triple H gets it and starts going wild and then, and then my DVR cuts off because we’ve reached the alotted 9:00 – 11:05 broadcast. ARRRGGGGGHHHH. The show really does go on this time; it’s not a repeat of last week.

Luckily I also watched live and at the DVR-cutoff moment William Regal (presumably) cuts the lights. Again. It’s pitch black in the Air Canada Centre. Chaos, madness, mystery. The lights return and it’s just Triple H and RANDY ORTON! in the ring. Jim Ross asks “Where did Orton come from?” We wonder “where did the entire ECW go?” Orton swiftly RKO’s Triple H and stands over his prone adversary with unconvincing menace. Ross calls him “evil”. Great, great ending.

Post from: EveryJoe

Monday Night Raw: “Before We Turn Off the Lights” Edition

Several WWE Superstars will join forces with dozens of other celebrities for the Emmy Award-winning Idol Gives Back special tonight on Fox. John Cena, Triple H and Chris Jericho will help raise awareness and raise funds to benefit various U.S. and international charities.

Idol Gives Back, which airs from 7:30 to 10 p.m. ET, features a star-studded lineup including appearances by presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama; British Prime Minister Gordon Brown; Victoria and David Beckham; Miley Cyrus; Ashley Tisdale; Jim Carrey; Adam Sandler; Alicia Keys; Bono; Brad Pitt; Carrie Underwood; Celine Dion; Chris Daughtry; Eli and Peyton Manning; Fergie; Mariah Carey; Reese Witherspoon; Robin Williams and Snoop Dogg, to name some of the show’s participants.

The brainchild of Idol executive producer Simon Fuller, Idol Gives Back has been recognized as a life-changing program, earning praise from many of the world’s best known figures including President George W. Bush, HRH Prince Charles and Prime Minister Brown. Last season, the Fox special, hosted by Ryan Seacrest, raised more than $76 million for charity and garnered a prestigious Governor’s Award Emmy.

Throughout tonight’s Idol Gives Back show, viewers can donate via toll-free lines and the Internet. Money raised by the charity event will be distributed to the following beneficiaries: Children’s Defense Fund; The Children’s Health Fund; The Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria; Make It Right; Malaria No More; and Save the Children’s U.S. Programs.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Superstars on “Idol Gives Back” Tonight

Also being hyped for tonights edition of Raw is the appearance of HBK and Batista on Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel as well as the continuation of the Maria-Santino feud.

Post from: EveryJoe

Orton’s Backlash Opponent Announced Tonight on Raw

Post from: EveryJoe

Raw Results (March 31, 2008)