After 13 long years…

We’re not counting that “adaptation” we coughed up for Final Fantasy Chronicles because whoa-ho-hoa!

A harsh, leather-clad mistress that makes my loins grow warm—

(Sounds of shuffling and a scuffle. From afar, a muted command: “Someone unchain the intern and put him to work. This trailer was supposed to be translated two days ago.”)

…

…When I’m sleep-deprived, I make up conspiracy theories.

Post from: EveryJoe

English Chrono Trigger DS Trailer

Square-Enix’s Japanese website for Chrono Trigger DS has stopped doing the ticky-ticky thing. In its place is a video with some footage of the SNES classic. Gasp! Faint! Be amazed!

The video also features character names and artwork. You know what, I never realised until now that “Eira” is the Japanese phoenetic spelling for “Alya.” I thought for sure Woolsey called her Alya in the US translation to make his wife happy or something.

(Ayla is the cro-magnon female lead of Jean M Auel’s Earth’s Children series. The first book, Clan of the Cave Bear, is pretty fantastic, but the story dissolves into a bubbling mass of indistinguishable prehistoric sex from the next book on. The heavy erotic content makes Ayla’s adventures more of a female pursuit than a male one.)

The American Chrono Trigger site is still going tick-tick-tick, but keep an eye on that. It’ll probably change soon. Maybe it’ll erupt from the ground and rain destruction from the heavens.

(Image copyright Square-Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

Chrono Trigger DS: The Countdown Is Over, People.

Dear Square-Enix:

I was wrong. I beg your forgiveness and grovel at your feet in thanks for correcting me with the very sound that’s more comforting than my own mother’s heartbeat.

I await your punishment, but I know you are a merciful God and will thus spare the metal-studded cat-o’-nine-tails.

Right?

(Image copyright Square-Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

An Apology to Square-Enix

It’s probably not as likely as you think.

But we can dream.

In the interest of fostering false hopes, the Internets has been passing around this “photo” of a press release announcing Chrono Trigger DS. Fans with the ability to stumble over moon language have unraveled vague, spidery hints for a Fall 2008 release date.

I feel like a defeated mother. Go on. Go spread your little lies about a Chrono Trigger re-release. I’ll just sit here and weave my own noose while crying bitterly. Don’t worry about me.

More on this later if it’s not just a rumour or a code name for a killer virus (Coming Fall 2008!).

Post from: EveryJoe

Chrono Trigger? On MY DS?