The other day we mentioned how the 1991 Rookie of the Year had the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate pointed at him in the steroid abuse scandal. Chucky Knobby’s initial reaction was to get out of Dodge faster than O.J. Simpson in a white Bronco during a police chase.

He finally reached out and touched the Feds, and they’re all one big happy family now. Kind of. Knoblauch will give either a deposition or a transcribed interview on Friday. And we’re guessing he’s not going to go into snitch-mode like Andy Pettitte, who intends to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Post from: EveryJoe

Chuck Knoblauch Slides Into Home

Brady’s teammates, not to mention Coach Bill Belichick, joked around with the oh-so-curious press concerning the star quarterback’s whereabouts. Said wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth: “Bill actually brought me in his office earlier this morning and asked me if I wanted to move to quarterback, and we’re going to put in a whole new offense.”

Inspired by such wit, we’ve put together a list of the top 10 answers the New England Patriots could have (and maybe should have) said in response to the big question,

Where is Tom Brady?

1. “He’s got a ‘supporting‘ role in a new Bridget Moynahan film.”

2. “He’s kicking back for a few days with Peyton Manning. Apparently, Peyton’s feelings are hurt about not making it to the Super Bowl and brother Eli Manning just isn’t there for him the way Tom is.” 

3. “‘Tom Brady’ doesn’t exist. He’s actually a government spy, and ‘record-breaking quarterback’ was just a cover. He’s gone dark.” 

4. “He retired and moved to Brazil to start a lingerie company to rival Victoria’s Secret.”

5. “He took a job at McDonald’s instead, so listen closely next time you hear, ‘Do you want fries with that?’”

6. “He’s gone to look for Chuck Knoblauch.” 

7. “He’s ’seen too much’ in the North End of Boston and is now in the witness protection program.”

8. “He just isn’t that into football anymore.”

9. “He and Gisele Bundchen went to Los Cabos. ’Why does Tony Romo get to have all the fun?’ Brady said.”

10. “He’s busy recruiting the paparazzi to film the New York Jets‘ defense in the endzone next season. Tom feels the shutterbugs have the subtlety required for the undercover job.”

Post from: EveryJoe

Top 10 Answers to the Question, “Where is Tom Brady?”

Roger Clemens is fighting back. Andy Pettitte ‘fessed up. And Chuck Knoblauch is rounding the bases . . . but has yet to go home. To Houston. To collect his subpoena.

The once-upon-a-time second baseman, who played for the Minnesota Twins, Evil Empire New York Yankees, and Kansas City Royals, is MIA. Knoblauch—along with Clemens and Pettitte—is supposed to testify at a February 13 congressional hearing on steroids in baseball.

Several weeks ago, Knoblauch claimed to the New York Times:  

“I have nothing to defend . . . I have nothing to hide at the same time.”

 Well, Chuckster, here’s the thing. Getting the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of dodge when the feds are trying to serve you papers doesn’t exactly—how shall we put it?—create an airhole-tight case for innocence.

The third base coach is giving you the “Go home!” signal, CK. Do it.

(How do you like the way we wrote that sobering advice as if he actually reads this blog??)

Post from: EveryJoe

Chuck Knoblauch on the Run