Citibank CEO Vikram Pandit sounded an upbeat note about his bank’s future today saying the financial giant is having its “best quarter-to-date performance since the third quarter of 2007.”

Considering the stock is down 95% in the past year, that’s quite a snappy vote of confidence from the head guy.

Combine that with Pandit’s giddy assessment that Citigroups deposits are “relatively stable” after a $300 billion capital infusion which made the Federal government the financial firm’s largest shareholder and it’s enough to make you want to mortgage your house to buy Citibank stock.

Oh, wait. If you’re a taxpayer you already own Citibank stock.

Analysts note that, with the government throwing money at Citibank like it was rice at a wedding, the firm’s stock could crest somewhere above two dollars in as little as 23 years.

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It’s a nice day for a literal ‘White Wedding’

Post from: EveryJoe

Citibank CEO Upbeat In Private Memo

Citibank virtually assured it will be back for another government handout by announcing its new program to aid “certain borrowers who have recently lost their jobs and are at least 60 days behind on their mortgage payments.”

Okay, I’m no banker … but aren’t loans to people with good credit and a steady income more profitable than loans to deadbeats with no job?

At first, I thought the high-priced executive talent at Citibank (rather than the politicians) were the best people to lead the bank out of its financial mess.

All of a sudden, I’m not so sure.

What kind of Alice in Wonderland world are we living in where a company that’s in massive financial difficulty for extending bad loans gleefully announces a new program designed to increase the number of bad loans coming through the front door?

Wouldn’t it be easier to just announce that the next 10,000 depositors will get to watch as Citibank puts their paychecks and cash deposits into a paper shredder?

In a related story, Citibank announced every branch office will be replacing their ATM machine with a carnival money booth.

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Call me crazy, but wouldn’t it be easier to pick it up off the floor after the fan stopped?

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Post from: EveryJoe

Unemployed? Sucky Credit? Try Citibank