Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/25/08

Dear Jabandgrapple.com readers. Chances are next week’s wrestler rankings will be funnier, better written, provide smarter, crisper analysis, might include someone other than WWE wrestlers, and won’t show extreme prejudice towards Mark Henry, JBL, and Kane.
That’s right, this is Mr. Jabandgrapple’s last post. That doesn’t mean there won’t be another Mr. Jabandgrapple just like there was another Ultimate Warrior, another Kane, and another Undertaker. What’s that? There was only one Ultimate Warrior, one true Kane, and one true Undertaker.
That’s besides the point. Just goes to prove that the next …read more

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/18/08

1. Undertaker (LW: 10)
He’s baaaaaaaaaack and he’s sending people to h-e double hockey sticks. We really didn’t realize how much we missed the Undead Superstar until his epic SummerSlam Hell in a Cell match. Amazing stuff in what might go down as an all-time great pro wrestling match.
2. Batista (LW: 1)
His match versus John Cena wasn’t the highlight of SummerSlam but hopefully we will see these two titans square off again.
3. Triple H (LW: 4)
He beat The Great Khali. Yawn. Let’s see him start feuding with Edge or Taker. The pedigreed …read more

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/11/08

Monday night’s RAW and Tuesday’s ECW didn’t exactly bring us a lot of action while Friday night’s SmackDown was preempted in Mr. Jabandgrapple’s hometown by an Eagles vs. Steelers pre-season match-up. And while my DVR wasn’t intuitive enough to tape the delayed broadcast I was able to get a hold of the matches.
1. Batista (LW: 3)
The Animal channeled his ample anger and pinned Ted DiBiase, Jr. to become a half of an unlikely WWE Tag Team Champion pairing.
2. John Cena (LW: 2)
The other half of the new belt holders. We …read more

RAW Results and Commentary
JBL pins CM Punk and will fight for the Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam.
Shawn Michaels might quit wrestling to be with his family.

Segment Five
After Layla inexplicably writhes around seductively for a few minutes William Regal rudely interrupts her. Before he can tell us how he’s King Jamie Noble rushes into the ring to attack him and win Layla’s love. Regal is about twice his size. What was the point of that?
Segment Six
The next match is the CM Punk – JBL – Y2J handicap match “(Mike) Adamle Original.” Shouldn’t the World Heavyweight champ be headlining Monday Night RAW? Adamle …read more

RAW Results and Commentary
Kofi Kingston def. Paul Birchill
Mickie James def. Katie Lea Birchill

Segment One
New GM Mike Adamle is getting some major heat! A lot more than I ever imagined…then he compares himself to Ronald Reagan and equates the Gipper’s work with Bonzo the chimp to announcing with Tazz. OK, he really compared Bonzo to calling Jeff Hardy Jeff Harvey. I like the Tazz comparison better.
It seems the inept one might be turning the crowd after announcing three title matches on tonight’s show. OK, this isn’t is bad. The first is Batista and John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, …read more

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/03/08

How did I have ‘em last week? Check this link.
We got big shakeups in the jabandgrapple Top 10 this week. Why is that? Well, three of last week’s Top 10 didn’t wrestle this week. And one of ‘em fought Colin Delaney. Doesn’t count.
Also, I can’t reward people for not appearing at shows especially when Mr. Jabandgrapple has tickets to said show. Therefore HHH tumbles. I don’t care if his wife birthed a baby. I really don’t. The Harrisburg area has great hospitals. Bring her on the road. (I’m kidding…I think)
1. …read more

RAW Results and Commentary
Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix def. D-Lo Brown and Kelly Kelly
Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. def. Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole
Kofi Kingston def. Jamie Noble
CM Punk def. William Regal
Mickie James def. Jillian
Batista and John Cena def. JBL and Kane

Last night RAW crowned a new General Manager. Someone to stop the anarchy and the lawlessness. The expectation was a Gary Cooper, a Governator, a John Wayne, or even (gasp) a Gipper. But we all should have seen the writing of the wall. Chaos has been good for business. RAW’s ratings are up and fans are interested …read more

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 7/27/08

Every week WWE.com rates their wrestlers. Which got me to thinking…I have a wrestling blog. Why can’t I rate them? So I did. And I will try to every Monday morning in preparation the next week of grappling fun.
Don’t go searching for the “last week” ratings that I refer to. I didn’t post them, they only existed in my mind.
Rankings
1. Triple H (LW: 1)
I might not like HHH but you can’t deny his championship clout. He hasn’t lost in ages, his mic skills are still impeccable, and he …read more

Click F5 for updates
Match Number Eight
Triple H vs. Edge
for the WWE Championship
Triple H Wins
A WWE phone poll says 55% have more sympathy for Edge while 45% side with Vickie. We can’t believe that many people are with Vickie. Really surprising. Another Eve Torres moment…
…
…
Where were we? Edge comes out with nearly as much greasy wet hair as his opponent. The greasy hair gap has been closed. Edge to Edge. The bell rings and Edge rushes at him with the intensity of a woman scorned. Triple H easily eschews his impetuousness and starts the assumed beat down.
The entire front row has …read more

Great American Bash Predictions
***

Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer
for the ECW Championship
I have more of a chance joining the WWE writing staff than Dreamer has of winning the ECW championship. Henry should take him down with his typical ennui-inducing ring power act. expect a lot of sweat and lots of confident cackling from Henry and Tony Atlas.
Mr. JandG pick: Mark Henry
Mrs. Jand G pick: Mark Henry, unfortunately
Odds: Henry -9,900; Dreamer +9,900
Michelle McCool vs. Natalya
for the SmackDown Divas Championship
The most shocking news I read this week: Michelle McCool is dating The Undertaker. Are you kidding me? Some undead guys have all …read more