Here’s a brief background for those standing on the far side of the moon:

Moon Patrol is a classic arcade game by Irem that was first released in 1982. It was licensed to Williams for United States of America distribution.

In the game, the player controls a moon buggy, viewing it from the side, that travels over the moon’s surface. While driving it, obstacles such as craters and mines must be avoided. The buggy is also attacked by UFOs from above and tanks on the ground. Moon Patrol was one of the earliest linear side-scrolling shoot ‘em ups and the first arcade game to feature parallax scrolling.

Anyway, in the game, you take the role of a police officer from the city of Luna, mankind’s first metropolis on the moon. As you may have already surmised, you drive around Sector Nine, home of the “toughest thugs in the galaxy,” with the objective of jumping over craters and getting rid of enemies while you’re at it to earn points.

Needless to say, like my Frogger and Space Invaders run, I sucked at Moon Patrol, failing even to hurdle the first stage. A few more days of playing Moon Patrol might give me a little edge, but I’m not keeping my hopes up.

Aside from the arcade version (and the current Flash animation version), Moon Patrol has been ported to a number of consoles, including the Apple II (on which I played Moon Patrol for hours on end), the Atari 800, 2600 and 5200, the Commodore 64, and the Nintendo Game Boy Color.

Post from: EveryJoe

Moon Patrol: Crater upon crater of hopping fun

How did the current home-console controllers come to be? How have they evolved? You may have noticed some similarities between the current generation controllers, or between them and the previous generations of controllers. So, how do they all tie together?

Let’s try to find out. I’ve put together a chart, or controller family tree, that tries to connect all the current console controllers with their predecessors. Firstly, I don’t think anyone else has tried to do something similar on the Web, and secondly, none of the manufacturers actually come out and tell you who they’re borrowing ideas from. This means that a lot of the information presented here is my opinion. I try to keep things accurate, using facts I know, but also making some of my own conclusions where no hard evidence is available.

Suffice it to say that Sock Master has done a good job at assembling his little project, from the old school Atari 2600 joystick to the sensational Nintendo Wiimote.

Atari 2600 joystick: Grandpa Controller

Nintendo Wiimote: Junior

Here, take a gander at Sock Master’s work.

Post from: EveryJoe

The video game console controller ‘family tree’

In the game, you control a Smurf who is off on an action-packed rescue mission. Gargamel has captured Smurfette (I wonder why the big bald guy with the crooked teeth wants a little blue lady so much), and has taken her to his castle. It’s your job to rescue her (since she’s the only female Smurf, you’re obliged to rescue her … survival of the species, you see). Fun, eh? Well, not really. Take a look at Steve Benway’s misadventures:

Ugh. And I thought E.T. the Extra Terrestrial was awful. In the words of Steve himself: Words fail me.

Post from: EveryJoe

Smurf Rescue in Gargamel’s Castle: Simply unbearable

Well, here’s my list:

Pong, Space Invaders, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Pac-Man, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Super Mario Brothers, Leisure Suite Larry, Afterburner, Double Dragon, Prince of Persia, Tetris, Secret of Monkey Island, Sonic the Hedgehog, Castle Wolfenstein, Super Mario Kart, Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat, Minesweeper, Myst, Rayman, Command & Conquer, Tekken, Tomb Raider, The Sims, Grand Theft Auto, and Total War.

Darn, I think I have to brush up on my video games history and literature again.

Post from: EveryJoe

The History of Video Games in two minutes

Go check it out and judge for yourself:

Kudos to Norman Caruso for the superb voiceover.

Post from: EveryJoe

The Gaming Historian: Now this is edutainment

The author of this mish-mash, however, missed the entire Apple line of personal computers. I owned an Apple IIc, so I know first-hand that a lot of video games can be played on the machine—that is, if any Apple computer is still intact to this day.

Post from: EveryJoe

Video game consoles, then and now

Post from: EveryJoe

Blast from the past: Egad! It’s the Coleco Telstar

C’mon, don’t tell me you haven’t heard of the adventures of Panama Joe in the catacombs built by Montezuma’s minions (read: Aztec warriors). By Montezuma, I’m not talking about the big boss in the arcade game Zuma. Take a look at the cover art of the game’s box and tell me you don’t remember spending countless hours—even days—in front of your console trying to figure out how to finish the game.

In Montezuma’s Revenge, you play the role of treasure hunter Panama Joe, whose goal is to find an ancient treasure hidden by Aztec warriors deep inside moldy catacombs. The catacombs, however, is large and maze-like and it will take more than guts to solve all the puzzles while dodging pesky monsters such as dancing spiders and bouncing and rolling skulls, and dungeon traps like chains and fire geysers.

If you’re looking for combat, though, Montezuma’s Revenge isn’t for you. The game, which was a hit in several consoles including the Atari family and, of course, Apple and IBM computers, offers much in puzzles, but combat? Nada.

The final goal is described best by an entry in the game’s manual:

If Panama Joe safely navigates through all of the chambers in the fortress, he’ll eventually reach his ultimate goal: the Treasure Chamber. Herein lies the fabulous treasure of the emperor, Montezuma! To enter this final chamber, daredevil Panama Joe must leap into the darkness! Once inside, he’ll find several chains—and the infamous jewels—all awaiting his grasp. In just a matter of seconds, Panama Joe must jump from chain to chain while trying to collect as many jewels as possible. But beware! If Panama Joe misses a chain and jumps onto a pole, he immediately slides into the next difficulty level and misses his chance to collect more jewels. When time’s up, you will automatically advance to the next difficulty level.

I’m proud to say that I reached the end of the game, but failed to complete it the way the manual described it. I kept on jumping to a pole that, as the manual said, sent poor Panama Joe plummeting to a more difficult level.

So why “amber-colored delight”? Because I played the game on an amber monitor. Ouch.

Post from: EveryJoe

Montezuma’s Revenge: Amber-colored delight

I welcome you to the first post of the new Re:Retro (sounds kinda ironic, doesn’t it?). Since, admittedly, I can never match the writing prowess of the venerable Al Ewing, this space’s former blogger, I’ll focus more on what I know—old video games.

Well, not just old games, but games I played when I was young(er)—from the dot-crazy world of the chomping smiley face known as Pacman to the vertically challenged player movement in Space Invaders to the fast-becoming classic role-playing games from Strategic Simulations Inc. like Champions of Krynn and Pools of Radiance.

What happened to these games, you might ask? I sealed them up in a box and hurled ‘em all into a ditch, which I filled to the brim with good gaming memories that I knew would serve me well in years to come.

Now, I am faced with the daunting task of dredging the ditch and clearing the dusts off this box full of games. Daunting, yes, but exciting as well. Nostalgia is such a funny thing.

Here are fond childhood memories:

My first handheld video game platform (if it can be called that) was a folder-shaped black box that had a big screen and a knob and a button which served as controls. The game featured a jet that you move horizontally to evade missiles. The downside was the jet couldn’t shoot back. Eh, what’s the button for? It was the power switch.

My first console was a Coleco Telstar Arcade, a cartridge-based, triangular-cased machine that had a light gun, steering wheel with gear shift, and paddles—one set of controls for each side of the triangle and for each game cartridge that comes with the console. The Telstar Arcade’s best game was Pong, of course—like all Coleco machines.

My first personal computer was an Apple IIc on which I played some of the most memorable video games in recent history (at least in my mind), including Hard Hat Mack, Lode Runner, and Taipan.

So there you have it … that’s probably how far back I can go back to collect the data needed to write about moldy, dusty video games. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Now, if I can only find those video game arcade tables my uncle stored in his garage back in the 80s. It’ll be a blast to play Pacman and Galaga again.

Post from: EveryJoe

Re:Retro Re:Novation

The only problem is that since I have no idea of what the game is or how to play it, I’ll have to make up what it probably is and then review that, and hope I guessed right.

That sounds like a worthwhile use of my time and yours.

So. The game is called Space Panic. I think the Space referenced in the title is actually living space – council housing, of which there is too little to go around in this nightmare electronic world. And the Panic is being whipped up by tabloid newspapers! So you have to fly your craft through a challenging maze of immigration policy and red tape in order to give your family a safe place to live after your flight from the tyrannical regime of your previous country… um… wait, that sounds overly worthy for a console game. And overly topical for a console game of the early 80s.

Let’s start again.

So. Space Panic is probably set in actual Space, the location, rather than being about space, the concept. What could possibly create Panic in Space?

Having no suit?

That’s it! You have to hang in the void for long seconds and then explode in a cascade of digital gore as the lack of atmosphere allows the air that you have until recently breathed to burst your lungs apart from the inside.

So how does it score? Well, as games go, it’s an enjoyable diversion – however I find it too short and there seems to be no way of progressing to the second level. If there is a second level. With some practice I can last up to thirty seconds, but since my eyeballs pop out of my skull after about fifteen, the entire screen goes black, which reduces my enjoyment of the game.

I give it three stars… oh for God’s sake this is ridiculous.

I’m going to find out more information about Space Panic and get back to you, faithful reader. Who knows? Perhaps I’ll even manage to play this time-lost titan! Stay tuned and find out!

Post from: EveryJoe

Panic On The Streets Of Space