Actor Freddie Prinze, Jr. has joined the WWE’s “creative team” in what must surely be considered a continuation of the WWE’s TV-PG rating all the time initiative.

What this means is anybody’s guess. Here are some things we would like to see:

1. Prinze wrests RAW GM controls away from Mike Adamle.

2. Prinze brings in pale-skinned Scooby Doo, She’s All That, and Wing Commander co-star Matthew Lillard who then starts ECW feud with pale-skinned Colin Delaney.

3. Sarah Michelle Gellar becomes a WWE Diva.

4. Sarah Michelle Gellar becomes a WWE Diva.

5. Sarah Michelle Gellar becomes a WWE Diva. Sorry, got caught up in the imagery.

6. Prinze insists that WWE humor be on par with Scooby Doo humor: a fart joke every ten minutes.

7. Prinze’s Summer Catch co-star Jessica Biel becomes a WWE Diva.

8. Prinze becomes WWE champ as fellow actor David Arquette did before him in the WCW. Er, scratch that.

9. Glasses wearing artsy WWE Diva brought in. Edge makes bet with La Familia that he can turn her into the swan and take her to WWE Prom. Diva unexpectedly transforms into the most beautiful of all Divas, Edge falls in love, tension ensues, but they end up together.

10. WWE Superstar hits Kane with car and thinks he’s killed him. Year later Kane returns terrorizing entire RAW staff.

OK Freddie now you have my wish list…Please make it happen!

Post from: EveryJoe

Freddie Prinze, Jr. Joins the WWE

Matt Hardy watches while Mark Henry bends wrought iron
Randy Ortiz def. Chavo Guerrero by DQ
The Miz and Morrison def. Finlay and Hornswaggle
After the match Mike Knox beats up on Finlay
Matt Henry def. Colin Delaney

What’s different about seeing matches in person and watching them on TV? Let see if we can find twenty ways.

1. The announcers have their own elaborate entrances! Well, except for Todd Grisham because he is new. We wonder what Mike Adamle’s theme music was. It’s not like Northwestern University has a marching band, a theme song, or a good sports program like JR’s Oklahoma Sooners. Right?

2. Before the bouts start an disembodied announcer tells the crowd something like “In XX seconds we are going to start filming. Hold your signs up and act like crazed dogs.” We oblige, the lights stream on a the ECW music streams in. “Still standing here/I’m Still Standing Here!!!” Flashbulbs intone and we go insane!!!

3. The indoor pyrotechnics and fireworks are MUCH MUCH louder than you expect. Especially when you’re sitting near the arena roof.

4. The crowd loves nobody more than than Matt and Jeff Hardy.

5. The audience is soooo into it. Nearly everyone has WWE shirts on, kids are draped in fake WWE title belts, they wear Jeff Hardy forearm thingamajigs, WWE hats, and are so excited. The atmosphere is electric. Ric Flair-esque wooooooooooo cheers happen often.

6. Post-production cleans up dialog mistakes made in the ring. For example, Tony Atlas told Matt Hardy that he “lost the ECW Champ…er, the United States Championship” but all you hear in the broadcast is the U.S. Championship part. The production team must hate Tony Atlas; he makes a lot of dialog mistakes.

7. It doesn’t matter how loud you yell stuff — even if you yell at the show’s quietest moments — your brilliant comments are not going to be heard on television. Although I’m really really hoping my “I love you Eve Torres!!!” scream makes it on the air on Friday.

8. The live action does pause in accordance to the commercial break time.

9. I got dirty looks and anger because I was cheering for Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely. Of course, the hate was from Mrs. Jabandgrapple and not from anyone sitting around us.

10. Nobody thought my “Go Carlito!” comments about Ricky Ortiz were funny. Ricky is also a lot more impressive as a wrestler on TV but his imposing size is more impressive live.

11. The sound of someone hitting the canvas is louder in person than on television.

12. The three hand-held cameramen and two still photographers that circle the ring are extremely good at not being picked up on camera.

13. Evan Bourne is a fast runner and prefers to running to fighting. I think he also hit a few more dropkicks than were broadcast on ECW. There is a lot more action cut from the broadcast than you would expect.

14. When the match goes to commercial the grapplers just sort of lie around in the middle of the ring (or mill about outside the ring), feign pain, and do nothing. So when commercials happen you’re not missing much at all.

15. Tag team match-ups between Miz and Morrison and Finlay and Hornswaggle are played out. No one is interested in these anymore.

16. I think it’s fun seeing Hornswaggle beat to a pulp but few others share my delight.

17. When Mike Knox talks it’s high-pitched and he sounds like a gentle hippie. It’s endearing and he has just gained a fan.

18. The crowd doesn’t care much about Colin Delaney, good or bad. His shtick has run its course.

19. I didn’t miss much when I skipped out on the Hardy-Delaney match early in order to get some fried food goodness.

20. Once ECW ends the crowds empty en masse into the corridors and to the concession stands.

Post from: EveryJoe

7/29 ECW Results: We Were There Edition

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New (XXXL) ECW Title belt given to Mark Henry and his sidekick Tony Atlas while Colin Delaney explains his Great American Bash actions
Tommy Dreamer def Colin Delaney
Evan Bourne def. James Curtis
Newcomer Ricky Ortiz brings up marketing ideas
Matt Hardy pins to one of the following three to def. Finlay, The Miz, and Morrison in a Fatal Four-Way

Pleasant Narrative:

The standard WWE intro montage of past professional triumphs comes on and I’ve returned for another night of grappling. In the upper left corner reads a TV-PG rating for violence. TV-PG for the Land of the Extreme!?!?!? What’s that all about? I can’t get a TV-14? It seems the toned down atmosphere is a WWE initiative.

The Hollywood daily Variety reported today that the WWE wants all of its shows to be more family friendly and less violent. They want all three shows to have TV-PG ratings. The shows would “focus more on its over-the-top characters and storylines, rather than attention-grabbing stunts that may have been considered too outrageous in the past.”

I guess this isn’t a bad thing. It will make the pay-per-view violence that much more fun. But in the spirit of past times we’re going to wonder what could be done to tame ECW further helping it gain that coveted TV-G or TV-Y.

1) Tony Atlas warns us that this is a “new ECW.” He doesn’t expound. But we know it’s one without the extreme. Perhaps the show could now be called “Easygoing Championship Wrestling.”

2) While Colin Delaney explains that Tommy Dreamer is “the past” and Mark Henry is “the future” the crowd chants “You Suck!” That vulgar language must end. How about mandating a “You’re wrong! You’re wrong!” cheer?

3) Tommy Dreamer is now facing off against the pale dweeb. First of all the stylized yellow fire on Dreamer’s black pants is too scary. How about sky blue pants with white clouds and white puffy sheep on the their side to coincide with his “Dreamer” name?

4) Dreamer seems to be holding back on Delaney. We’d like a more demonstrative beat down but are worried the censors might be bothered by the multiple DDTs and the drop kicks. Maybe he could just ask Colin if he could pin him? We’re sure Colin would accept. Delaney’s poor wrestling is just delaying the inevitable anyway.

5) Evan Bourne’s wrestling technique is perfect for both the new PG rating and our sensibilities. He never looks to actually hit or hurt someone while his high flying antics are super super exciting. His anonymous opponent, however, is a little too violent for our tastes. All wrestlers who punch, pull hair, and do submission-type holds should be banned.

Btw, after the match Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely enter the ring to attack Bourne. Bourne skillfully sneaks out of the ring and runs away untouched. Perfect pacifism!

6) Ricky Ortiz wants to be known as the “Latin Assassin.” Far too violent young Carlito impersonator. How about the “Latin Angel”, the “Latin Amigo”, or the “Latin Assistor?”

7) Tonight’s Main Event is a Fatal Four-Way for a chance to wrestle at SummerSlam for the ECW Title. Could it be renamed the “Friendly Four-Way?”

Morrison goes for a quick pin on his tag team partner but it’s broken up. Miz and Morrison duck out of the ring for a while allowing Finlay and Hardy to beat each other up.

8) OK, I’m not complaining because I really enjoyed this match. It had great action, a spectator’s drink tossed into Finlay’s eyes, lots of cool moves, heated drama between Miz and Morrison, at least two dozen near falls, lots of originality, a shillelagh, and a Matt Hardy win. This was a pay-per-view level match and ECW’s best in a while.

BUT I now understand the WWE’s violence solution: multiple commercials during Main Events. Let the fun stuff happen during that time. This match had two ad segments break up its action. We’re guessing that future ECW episodes will be one long set of WWE DVD promos, and future Sci-Fi Channel movies. Makes sense, right?

Post from: EveryJoe

7/23 ECW Results: A Tamer ECW

RESULTS
Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne def. Mike Knox and Shelton Benjamin
Veronica def. Kelly Kelly
Finlay def. Armando Estrada
Colin Delaney def. Armando Estrada
Hornswaggle def. Armando Estrada
The Miz and Morrison def. Kane and CM Punk

Vince McMahon’s announcement of the June 23 WWE Draft has taken a bit of anticipation from tonight’s ECW matches. The bookend tag team matches were fun but their feuds will surely not be maintained when a few of these stars will be drafted into other WWE brands.

For example, it’s hard for me to put any attention to the Kofi Kingston – Shelton Benjamin rivalry because both deserve and appear to be moving upward and out of the ECW. Still, they’re very good in the ring together and I thought the toss flip Benjamin landed on his feet was impressive. Wish they had had more time to face off against each other.

Kofi seems suited to fill SmackDown’s high-flying void – at least until Rey Mysterio reappears – and his goofy Jamaican stereotype angle would fit on the Friday night show. That being said I thought the opening ECW tag team match was terrific.

I really like the in-ring aerials of Evan Bourne (who last week was Matt Sydal). If he’s given a chance he could pump a lot of excitement and action into the ECW and might even get himself a tag team title belt. Below is a youtube video of their match. If you didn’t see it, judge for yourself.

Regarding the other matches, I don’t ever mind seeing WWE Diva Kelly Kelly but I’ve already tired of the Armando Estrada saga which has descended into pure comic relief. Pinned by Hornswaggle! C’mon.

The main event tag team title match was watchable but Kane’s pre-match showdown with Big Show sapped the match’s momentum and relegated it to a sideshow to the future Night of Champions event.

Post from: EveryJoe

ECW June 11: Waiting for the WWE Draft

RESULTS
Matt Hardy def. Armando Estrada
Colin Delaney def. Armando Estrada
Kane def. CM Punk

MATCH THREE
Matt Hardy vs. Armando Estrada

Estrada is no longer GM and no longer exclusively facing tiny jobber Colin Delaney. Estrada’s ripped washboard abs compare favorably to Hardy’s beer gut but his wrestling skills don’t. Hardy quickly disposes of the preening Cuban easily pinning him after a Twist of Fate. After the match Teddy Long turns the tables on the bullying Cigar chomper ordering him to face none other than Colin Delaney. Teddy’s picture is to the right. (OK, it’s not Teddy Long it’s yet another picture of Paris Hilton with a teddy bear.)

MATCH FOUR
Colin Delaney vs. Armando Estrada

Delaney rushes out to pin his already beat-down adversary. His first roll-up pin attempt fails but his second doesn’t and Estrada’s night has gone from horrible to nightmarish. If I never had to see Delaney or Estrada again I would be ecstatic. Estrada agrees to renegotiate his deal but Long isn’t having it. Armando must earn his contract a la Colin Delaney.

MATCH FIVE
CM Punk vs. Kane

This match has been ridiculously one-sided. Maybe CM Punk has imagined hitting Kane but it hasn’t happened in real life. Kane has tossed Punk, slapped Punk, punched Punk, slammed Punk, kicked Punk and dominated Punk. Now Kane has him in a vice grip submission mode with his legs crushing Punk’s torso.

Punk breaks the hold with a punch and almost sneaks in a pin but Kane viciously clotheslines him and gets him back in the scissor lock. Every time Punk looks to make strides in the match Kane swiftly closes the door. Please slam it Kane, please! A side slam and a leap from the top rope onto Punk should do the trick.

Not quite but the choke slam should suffice. It does and when it does The Miz and Morrison pounce on Kane and give him a healthy beating. I like the ending; the more hurt Kane receives the better I feel.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

ECW June 4 Part Two: Armando’s Bad Night Continues

Image details: MTV Spring Break In Cancun served by picapp.com

I’ll admit it. I liked last night’s ECW. Three of the four matches featured some good wrestling. The storylines were kept to a minimum and we just got to see some fun grappling.

Because of my love for all things Real World/Road Rules Challenge I enjoy The Miz and want to see him succeed. When he says “I’m I competitor” I know it to be true because I’ve seen him beat Abram in the Gauntlet and I’ve seen him kick ass in the Battle of the Seasons. So when I hear him booed and nearly decapitated by Kane I’m cheering for him but I’m also happy because he’s becoming a much better wrestler. Maybe this Kane feud could bring The Miz a single’s title.

Thought Kofi Kingston’s loss to Shelton Benjamin was overdue. I like Kingston as a wrestler but the undefeated thing was getting a little old. Now that Kofi and the Gold Standard have fought three times I’m wondering if their feud will continue or if they’ll move on to bigger and better things. I would love for the WWE branding thing to officially end with these two high flyers participating more in RAW and Smackdown.

The male-female tag team match was interesting only in the unlikely Kelly Kelly – Colin Delaney romance that seems to be brewing. Colin is a very lucky man.

I don’t really get the Big Show’s return to ECW except as a further destruction of the strict branding. Big Show looked fine and I wonder what the real reason was behind his Judgment Day match cancellation. I’d love to know so if you’ve heard anything just comment below!

Post from: EveryJoe

ECW Results: A Few Good Matches

Tonight’s ECW gets off to a surprisingly good start with CM Punk facing The Miz. We immediately think mismatch; The Miz is a good tag team partner but there’s no way he can defeat Mr. Money in the Bank one-on-one. CM Punk is the #4 ranked wrestler in the WWE’s Power 25. The Miz ranks #4 in our Best Real World/Road Rules Challenge contestants behind Alton, Veronica, and Coral.

But the Miz storms out from the beginning and shockingly takes down CM Punk and we can’t help but wonder is Punk’s time in the WWE up?

The next 25 minutes of ECW are spent on commercials, a lackluster divas match, commercials, a Judgment Day preview, Colin Delaney highlights, and more commercials. Then we’re back to wrestling. Oh wait, it’s Colin Delaney. He’s quickly slaughtered by Mike Knox and then GM Armando Estrada. How long will it take Mr. Delaney to be competitive? How many nutritional supplements and protein shakes will he need? Spend that contract money well little guy.

Finally, a wrestling match. Kane vs. John Morrison. We make a quick check on how many minutes left in the show? Fifteen. Again, this one seems like a mismatch but we wonder: could Morrison repeat his partners success against their Judgment Day opponent? Kane’s prolonged beating of Morrison seems to indicate no but then the tables are turned and the Shamen of Sexy ruthlessly attacks Kane’s left knee for about five yawn-inducing minutes.

Morrison puts any fans who haven’t already gone to bed out of their misery by pinning Kane and winning the ECW Championship! What’s that? This wasn’t actually a title bout? What exactly was the point then?

The shows highlight: Had to be the guy at ringside dressed like Hulk Hogan for the second straight show. That’s dedication. Will he be there for SmackDown this Friday? Considering ECW and SmackDown were both filmed last night in Grand Rapids, we’re saying the odds are good.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

ECW 101: Miz and Morrison Win Tonight, Will Surely Lose on Sunday

Image details: Coolio served by picapp.com

Results
Mike Knox def. Tommy Dreamer
Kofi Kingston def. Matt Striker
Colin Delaney def. Armando Estrada
Kane and CM Punk def. Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely

ECW’s 100th show on the SciFi Network was supposed to be a celebration. Instead, this viewer just wished SciFi would have replayed one of their myriad disaster movies. Maybe even Pterodactyl: Evil is in the Air, you know the one wear rapper Coolio empties lots of ammunition into countless prehistoric flying beats. I love that one.

Instead we were blessed with continued keep-rising-to-the-top saga of the scrawny, ultimate underdog Colin Delaney who against all odds defeated ECW GM Armando Estrada and won an ECW contract. Give me a break. After winning the bout, Colin’s faux-thankful and amazed face appeared as genuine as American Idol David Archuleta while listening to the judges. Not at all. Learn how to act Colin and please go get a spray tan.

In between bouts the ECW showed top highlights from the previous 100 episodes including a really long clip of the Boogeyman spitting worms into some poor wrestlers mouth. I immediately thought “Didn’t that happen to Coolio on Fear Factor?” Coolio, SciFi, Pterodactyls.

I snapped out of it long enough to see CM Punk and Kane team up against Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely while John Morrison and The Miz whined about a wide variety of topics alongside the newly stationary Mike Adamle. CM Punk was his usual high-flying, hard-working, entertaining self. Kane did a lot standing around. I’m sure a choke slam happened. But by that point I think I had dozed off.

Post from: EveryJoe

SciFi Network Shows 100th ECW Episode

• CM Punk def. WWE Tag Team Champion The Miz
• Elijah Burke def. Nunzio
• Kofi Kingston def. Domino
• Tommy Dreamer def. Colin Delaney

The big news of the show was the contract signing between ECW-champion Kane and former-champion Chavo Guerrero. After Kane signed the contract Chavo introduced a new mystery wrestler, Justin “The Ox” LaRoche, who will be accompanying Guerrero at Backlash. Curt Hawkins, Zack Ryder, and Guerrero then attacked Kane before finally signing the PPV contract.

Post from: EveryJoe

“Mystery Wrestler” Debuts on ECW as Backlash Contracts Get Signed