Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes def. Cryme Tyme
This match lasts 12 seconds. I am not kidding. It takes Vince McMahon longer to dial the next Million Dollar winner’s number. She can’t stop telling Vince how wonderful is, how much she loves him, and how she thinks he’s the most handsome person in the world.

Image details: China Celebrates Valentine’s Day served by picapp.com

Paul Birchill and Katie Lea def. Mr. Kennedy and Mickie James
I enjoy all four of these wrestlers but am distracted and disturbed by the crawl reminding us to buy Ted DiBiase’s book, the WWE Kids magazine, WWE Diva ringtones, The Rock’s DVD (I do want that) and to register for next week’s Million Dollar Madness. This lottery farce is continuing next week! Maybe this week’s ratings will be down again and that will end it.

I like Katie Lea as a wrestler despite her tall awkwardness and her second pin in as many weeks of the WWE Women’s champ must mean something. She’s a convincingly vile heel, her myspace tag is dawgkilla, and I think her rivalry with James might have more legs than her “brother’s” saga with Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy has bigger and better things in his future.

Triple H def. Chris Jericho by DQ
Before tonight’s Main Event Frank from New Jersey wins $300K and tells Vince that he loves him. He had to have been prepped.

The match has started and Jericho has a quizzical probing look on his face. He’s trying to solve the puzzle that is Triple H. We suggest hair conditioner. Triple H viciously tosses Y2J into the ring post and Jericho grabs his shoulder. “Is he OK?” we wonder as the newly born match goes to commercial.

He must be. We return to see him put some damage to HHH via a kick to the head, an elbow to the face, and a slam into the steel chair. Jericho’s rage is getting the best of him as he recklessly walks into a HHH clothesline and knee to the face. Has the match turned?

Jericho can’t complete the Walls of Jericho (see left) and is hit with a Double-Edged Spine Buster and then a Pedig…no! Y2J counters but misses with a high risk Lionsault. HHH goes for the Pedigree again but Jericho counters again. The fight is getting good outside of the ring when Lance Cade, of all people, runs into the ring, assaults HHH, and the match is stopped.

John Cena shows up and all four start brawling. This is a disappointing turn of events. In the midst of it all Jericho puts HHH out with a Codebreaker showing what could have happened in the match had Cade stayed out of it all.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE RAW 6/16 I Love You Vince McMahon

RESULTS
Mr. Kennedy def. Paul Birchill
Mickie James def. Beth Phoenix in a non-title match.
John Cena def. John “Bradshaw: Layfield
Chris Jericho smashes Shawn Michaels’ face into a TV in a Highlight Reel segment
Umaga and Snitsky def. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes in a non-title match
Cryme Tyme def. Santino Marella and Carlito
Jeff Hardy def. Triple H by count out in a non-title match

COMMENTARY
Was tonight really “all about the money” or were there some good wrestling matches? Before RAW started we had hoped that Vince McMahon would pull out all the stops for this episode. We thought that we’d get near pay-per-view caliber matches and great between-match drama since the stated intention of this Million Dollar Mania show was to bring in new RAW viewers. Were we right?

Once Vince announced the password, WWE Universe, and that he was giving out $200,000 RAW got right into a moderately interesting feud: Mr. Kennedy vs. Paul Birchill. The action was good and the Katie Lea-slapping-Kennedy was cool but I couldn’t get into it as much as we wanted. We were still distracted by whether or not Vince would call.

The next match was more or the same. It was a terrific WWE Divas match between the champ Mickie James and Beth Phoenix, the best women’s wrestler by far. After James pinned Phoenix Melina came out and feverishly attacked the Glamazon. It should have been fun but we were still thinking about the money.

The money-centric theme didn’t change. Either before or after every segment or match Vince gave away money. This consisted of the chairman slowly dialing the phone numbers like your aging grandparent often hitting the wrong buttons and having to start again. There were busy signals and the first callee actually Rickrolled Vince!

As the show went on there seemed to be more and more time dedicated to the giveaways. One especially long segment received a rain of boos and boooo-ring chants from the audience. The chairman’s son-in-law Triple H even derisively called him Monty Hall. Both the excited Oakland crowd and Triple H seemed a little perturbed that RAW had sunk to be all about the money. It should be all about the wrestling, right?

If Jerry “The King” Lawler’s declaration that 1.5 million people signed up for the Million Dollar contest then so far the giveaway must be seen as a failure. Even with the ratings decline RAW still draws more than 1.5 million weekly. The entry number reveals no demonstrative gain; maybe the shows ratings will be up. Up enough to excuse the raw desperation, the pathetic pandering, and the descent of RAW into game show territory? Not in our book.

This should have been a great night of RAW. The matches were great and the performers put in terrific efforts. The wrestling show shouldn’t have had to take a backseat to a glorified lottery.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Magnificent Matches or McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania?

Match One
Melina def. Jillian Hall

Melina enters the ring doing her signature full split under the bottom rope and makes Hall submit with a indescribably flexible reverse camel clutch-type thing. Oh. My. Heavens. Beth Phoenix, who was interviewed in character today in the Miami Herald sits at ringside with JR and contributes little.

After the match Y2J and Vince McMahon agree on another Y2J – Shawn Michaels match tonight which puts a huge smile on our face. Then they engage in assorted non sequiturs while Cryme Tyme steals a cheap portrait of Queen Elizabeth II off the wall. Weird stuff.

Segment Grade: C . All of which earned by Melina.

Match Two
Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes def. Paul London and Brian Kendrick.

London and Kendrick do some impressive acrobatics and London even manages to pin Holly for three seconds. Luckily for the champions, the referee is distracted. Holly quickly reverses and punishes London with a vicious Alabama Slam. Match over.

But who is this? Of course, it’s the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase. Is he going to announce that he’s the new RAW GM like we predicted last week. Is that the announcement? Not at all. He’s announcing that his son Ted DiBiase Jr. is a new RAW roster member. We like second generation stars and are glad to finally see him in the big leagues. Although the “I’m Priceless” catchphrase isn’t our favorite.

Segment Grade: C. Whole lots of yawns tonight.

Picture Source: Wikipedia by mshake3

Post from: EveryJoe

Memorial Day Monday Night Raw: We Want An Announcement!

The Build Up
72% of WWE fans believe Shawn Michaels‘ knee injury is real. We are not one of them. Neither was Y2J but he now admits that after their last Monday match he is convinced and wants to apologize. Shawn Michaels limps in, his knee looking at least 10x worse than last week and a good 50% worse than the week before. But (GASP) Michaels admits he’s not hurt. Is he faking again? Why won’t this segment end? We will no longer fake interest.Segment Grade: D

OH MY GOSH! The return of Jeff Hardy. He’s back! We’ve missed you so much we know it’s been difficult with your house fire and your suspension and oh my gosh we’ve just missed you so much it’s so so great to see you!

We digress. Hardy is full of regret and wants to say he is sorry to the WWE fans. We love you Jeff! His hair is a shockingly bright orange, his facial hair is unprecedented and he wants the intercontinental title. We are with you! William Regal isn’t. He wants no apologies and he wants punishment. Namely in the form of Umaga. Umaga saunters to the ring and Hardy drops kicks him with beautiful high flying malice.

We missed you Jeff! And so does the crowd who go into a boisterous and spontaneous “Let’s Go Hardy”. I’m cheering the whole way from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. And just when Umaga seems too powerful Hardy connects with a back flip from the top rope and drops the snarly Samoan. What a comeback! Segment Grade: A

After Jeff Hardy it’s hard to get excited about Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade’s victory over Cryme Tyme although the “Cryme Tyme for Detroit City Council” sign flashed by an audience member is Nominee #5 for line of the night. Robocop anyone? Murdoch then wants to serenade us with his rendition of The Gambler. His partner Cade wants none of it and KO’s him with the microphone. We’re confused and not that interested. Segment Grade: D

Part One, The Glorious Return of John Cena
Part Two, The Glorious Return of Jeff Hardy
Part Three, The Glorious Return of the Steel Cage

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Monday Night Raw: The Glorious Return of Jeff Hardy

Post from: EveryJoe

Raw Results (March 31, 2008)