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Duties of the wingman can vary. It can mean staying sober to make sure that everyone gets home safe. There have been nights when I’ve cut my friends off from their IV of rum to make sure that they would be alive in the morning. But for the most part, being a wingman involves women.

Rule #1: Carry extra condoms.
Yep, I know that this is frequently overlooked but I want to make sure my buddies don’t have any leftovers.

Rule #2: Divide and conquer.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Chicks travel in packs. When my buddy finds a good one, we have to work in unison to get her away from the group and the girl version of a wingman long enough to figure out if it is going to happy.

Rule #3: Take one for the team.
It sucks having to be the one that goes home with the boring librarian sometimes but it might be necessary. Girls won’t abandon each other unless they think that their friend is having a good time too. So as a wingman, I may have to scrape the bottom of the barrel to ensure my buddy has his good time.

Rule #4: My buddy is perfect.
No matter what I say or do, I need to paint him in the best light possible to make sure that he is attractive to the girl and acceptable to her friends.

It isn’t easy to be a wingman and it doesn’t always have a positive outcome but the majority of the time, I get a hell of a story out of the deal and sometimes, I get laid too.

Post from: EveryJoe

Being The Perfect Wingman

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Do: Be careful who you ask to set you up. If it isn’t someone who knows you well then they are less likely to pick a person you are compatible with and more likely to just choose their closest single friend.

Don’t: Accept any offer that comes your way. Just because your brother has a hot neighbor does not mean she is going to be your soul mate.

Do: Get a little background information. Find out everything you can about her before the big night. I have found Google and Facebook to be my biggest allies in this endeavor.

Don’t: Forget that this is still a date. You have to dress nice, show up on time, and offer to pay.

Do: Thank your friend for attempting to find Miss Right.

Don’t: Lie to the girl or the setter-upper about chemistry if it isn’t there.

Blind dates are hard because you have no idea what you are getting into before you say yes sometimes but with a few guidelines, it can work out for the best.

Post from: EveryJoe

Blind Date: Dos and Don’ts

DMV
The DMV (or any place with long lines) is a fantastic place to meet women. You automatically have something in common because of where you are. If you are at the DMV, try to make her laugh to break up the monotony of the boring situation.  Offer to take her out for coffee after your long wait is over.

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Dance Class
From salsa to aerobics, dance classes are a hot spot to pick up women. Also consider tango or ballroom dancing to get up close and personal. If dancing isn’t your thing, consider a cooking or language class as well. These classes oftentimes have a very good ratio of women to men.

Museum
Head to the museum to pick up a sophisticated woman. Be sure to read up on well-known painters, sculptors and the current featured exhibit, so that you know what you are talking about when you arrive.

Mall
Picking up women at the mall isn’t just for teenagers and 20-somethings. Women of all ages love to shop. Pretend you are shopping for a gift for your mother and strike up a conversation with a woman you are interested in to ask her opinion. She’ll automatically think you are sweet for buying your mom a gift.

Post from: EveryJoe

Beyond the Bars: Where to Pick Up Women

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Gentlemen, if you realize that your relationship ‘just isn’t meant to be’, be careful. Working at the same business, having friends in common, or the key to your apartment still being in her possession should be motivating factors in ending on a high note.

Be honest. Lay your reasons out on the table. By allowing her to see that you hold out no hope and do not wish to work towards a resolution, she will have to accept your decision.

Use clichés. Lie with a purpose. She isn’t going to buy your “it’s not you, it’s me” claim but it will allow her some sense of peace.

Take responsibility. Admit your mistakes. Let her see that you know what behaviors get on her nerves but make it clear; you are not willing to change.

Apologize. Every breakup is difficult and will cause some pain. Most often, women claim that they need closure but what they really want is an apology. You telling her that you are sorry for how the situation played out will smooth the transition over.

Be firm. Don’t let her insist that things will get better. Don’t let her promise to change. Don’t let her say or do anything to sway you from your decision.

You have to think it through when you end a relationship. And for God’s sake, don’t sleep with her again! You need to keep your nose clean for a while. This means no dating anyone else or making negative comments about the ex. I can’t guarantee that she won’t get upset and say some nasty things but taking the high road works out better for you in the end. Some of my former lovers and I were able to build friendships out of the ashes of a relationship and I’ve valued that.

Having women in your life that know you, in the biblical sense, can be awkward for a time but, when that passes; things can morph into something so much better. You both will have the freedom to move on and find that person who fulfills your fantasy.

No one should ever compromise their own happiness because they are too scared to make a change. Too often, men stay in doomed relationships because they lack the courage to get out, even when they know that it isn’t meant to be. In my experience, telling my girlfriend that I couldn’t wait for her was the best decision for the both of us. Or at least, I hope so.

Post from: EveryJoe

How to Break Up With a Woman

If she orders Red Wine:

I wouldn’t jump the gun here and assume that she is a sophisticated lady.  Red wine is delicious and also good for you, which means you can drink a lot of it without feeling too guilty.  It’s also known for going right to the head, which definitely loosens things up.  I would peg her as a closet party girl.  Not outwardly wild right away, but with a few drinks in her, she is respectively adventurous.

If she orders Zinfandel:

She is trying to be like the Red Wine girl.  If she orders this fruity beverage she is believing that she is making a classy move.  But in reality, Zinfandel is crappy and fruity and not a real drink.  It lacks substance and is filled with bubbles and air.  Probably like her head.

If she orders Beer:

The stereotypes are true here and you’ve got yourself a laid back party girl.  Beer is cheap, fatty and guaranteed to give you a good night.  She likes to party and doesn’t care about restrictions.  You’ll hear the Zinfandel girl griping about carbs but not this wild girl.  Take her to a pub or a baseball game, someplace not too loud so you can have a good chat and be laid back.

If she orders a Cosmopolitan:

Honestly, most girls I know order this just because it sounds fun.  But we all know it doesn’t get you drunk.  It’s expensive and usually watered down, but also pretty tasty.  If she orders this the whole night, then she is totally high-maintenance.  Especially if you are paying the bill.  If she starts out with it then moves on to something cheaper and not so fruity then I would say she’s pretty cool and you are in for a good night.

Drinks do say a lot about a girl, but you know what says even more about her?  Her!  If you’re looking to settle down or just have some fun, the best way to do it is to actually listen to her.  And not just with arbitrary head nods and random “uh-huh”s every couple minutes.  Eye contact, smiling and engaging her in more conversation.  This will guarantee you a good night with her, no questions asked.

Post from: EveryJoe

What Her Drink Says About Her

• We actually forget your name.
• We don’t want to slip up and call you by another woman’s name.
• We are lazy. It’s just so much easier to call every female “babe”

Image: sxc.hu

The other night, I referred to my friend’s girlfriend as his “chick.” All hell broke loose. She said it was “extremely derogatory.” I told her that I was going to turn her into a blog post, which seemed to piss her off even more. In the past few years, I have discovered that there’s a long list of terms that women hate being called. Here are just some of them.

Chick
The aforementioned chick is a big part of my vocabulary. I don’t mean it as derogatory at all. It’s just a synonym for woman to me. Common usage: “Who’s that chick in the picture?” and “Did you bone that chick you met at the club?”

Babe
For a long time, I used babe or sweetheart to refer to almost all women, young and old, from the grocery store clerk to any female at the bar. “Thanks, Babe” just has a nice ring to it. Girls that I’m dating say that I shouldn’t call random women “babe.”

Woman
I usually use this term when I’m referring to a female who isn’t present at the time and normally as “your woman.” For example, “Todd, are you going to ask your woman to go with us?” or “Mike, can you please keep your woman in check?” Hey … at least I’m not saying, “Woman, go make me a sandwich!” after we finish having sex.

Sweetie
Now here is a term that I don’t understand why women hate. Three females have told me that they find it condescending. For example, “Oh sweetie, don’t worry your pretty little head over it.” sounds nice to me. *shrug*

Ball and Chain
Haha! Of course, I understand why chicks females don’t like this term. But sometimes it’s very fitting, such as during the bachelor party argument.

Old Lady
Okay, no woman wants to be called old but it’s all in good fun. Speaking of “lady,” one female who works for me doesn’t like this term either. She thinks just the word lady makes her feel old. I told her maybe she needs Botox.

Post from: EveryJoe

Don’t Call Her “Chick”

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I mean seriously, if there was just one, it would be highly doubtful that I’d find her among all the women around the globe. I’m not trying to be humorous or even philosophical, it just doesn’t seem reasonable.

So, what do you think? Do you believe in soulmates?

Do you think that there is some spiritual or cosmic force that will bring your soulmate to you? Or perhaps there are hundreds (thousands?) of women around the world that could be the perfect mate.

As for me, I will likely continue to carry on in a variety of half-assed relationships, enjoying the ride along the way.

When I come across a woman that fits all my criteria, I would hope that I would be fortunate enough to marry and share my life with her. However, I just think it’s a crazy notion that there might be only one perfect mate for me.

What do you think? Leave your comments below.

Post from: EveryJoe

The Perfect Mate

Throughout college, it didn’t make sense to me to get into a monogamous relationship. After all, I went to undergrad at USC and grad school at Pepperdine. Sunshine. Gorgeous chicks everywhere. Well, you get the picture. I just didn’t want to limit myself.

Image: sxc.hu

So, here I am now a few years later at 27 starting to think that one woman might be enough. But then every time I start thinking like this, an opportunity arises that I can’t pass up. Lately, I have narrowed my rotation to three.

The first one is my regular girl. Let’s call her Tracie… because that’s her name. We’ve been on and off for a couple years, more on than off. But she knows the scoop–she’s fully aware that she’s not full-time. She’s smart and pretty enough. But she’s not the kind of chick that knocks my socks off. You know what I mean?  My dad calls her marriage material, but I’m not sure about that.

Leesa is another girl that I see from time to time. She’s evil. Rude. High maintenance. And a freakin’ body to die for. If I could replace Tracie’s body (and skills!) with Leesa’s… Now dad, that would be marriage material.

The only other chick I see often right now lives up North. I met her a few years back and have no idea why I waste my time. She has a steady boyfriend, but when she comes to town a couple times a month, we get together for the night. She’s nice. She’s hot. And she’s taken. It’s fine with me; I’ve got no attachment here whatsoever. She calls, we hook up. That’s that.

So what’s a guy to do? Only time will tell I guess. I don’t go out looking for women, but if one comes to me, I’m not a guy to pass up on an opportunity. So for now, I consider myself single. But at least, I’m starting to think about going exclusive. That’s progress.

Post from: EveryJoe

Dating: Exclusive Opportunities

Madonna, who tends to have a short attention span in general, is apparently ALMOST done with A-Rod. Not entirely done, of course, because she’s keeping him in the wings while she gets busy with a young model named Jesus Luz.

She does have a thing for those Latino men, doesn’t she? I can’t say as I blame her.

Madonna’s sites are on Jesus Luz but she’s not letting go of A-Rod entirely. He’s still visiting her on and off and she’s apparently willing to lend him to her pal Donna Karan for the time being.

A-Rod went to a New Year’s Eve gig with Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Bruce Willis and Ms. Karan. Donna was loving her some A-Rod! She was all over him, but he politely refused because he is still “hung up” on Madonna.

Post from: EveryJoe

Move Over A-Rod, Madonna Has a New Man

As part of the contest, I asked readers to list the scariest hookups in celebrity history. Stacie and Linda both said they felt the Julia Roberts/Lyle Lovett romance was the weirdest (spookiest, creepiest) of all time.

I have to agree, that was an odd. What was Lyle Lovett thinking?

The other vote was for Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown matchup.

That was an odd one, although they did last together for a whole decade. That’s an eternity in celeb years!

Post from: EveryJoe

Winner of the Day of the Dead DVD