I’ve had some pretty awful and demeaning jobs in my lifetime. Toilet scrubber, trash tosser, dead puppy collector (that was something of a nightmare)…and that’s not even getting into the retail aspect of my life. We’ve all been in retail. Some of us have even survived game retail.

Specialised retail is rapidly dying. In our grandfathers’ time, it was a pretty respected position because someone who worked in a hardware store (for example) was expected to know what pipe is favoured by Jesus and all that merry nonsense. Now, the only help you can expect in a big box store involves a game of random chance and following the mice that scuttle under the shelves. Actual employees are rarer than unicorns. Shiny unicorns.

Ah, but one specialty store still exists. Thrives, even. Game retail. In Toronto, there still exists venues beyond EB Games/GameStop, though the good Lord only knows how long our defences (mostly beavers with hockey and lacrosse sticks taped to their backs) can hold out (they eat a lot of trees). Unfortunately, with the knowledge the average “game expert” has in these establishments, they may as well be scuttling, cringing Wal-Mart employees.

It was an EB Games I visited today in hopes of securing a copy of Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure. I, uh, need it for my kid sister. I had to wait several minutes while the clerk had a very slow, very boring conversation with a vibrant female gamer. Her attempt at stimulating conversation was lost like the bright speck of a kite flying against a wall of grey clouds.

“I’m looking forward to LittleBigPlanet! How about you?”

“Uh…uhhhh…” (Slow stapling of receipt papers)

“Oh. I guess you’re not into that kind of thing?”

“It’s just some puzzle game, y’know? I…like shooters?”

His statement wasn’t actually a question, but I don’t know how else to indicate that this guy lifted his voice at the end of every sentence. He sounded scarily close to sn4tchbuckl3r from the You Suck at Photoshop series.

I know that there are game store clerks out there who are excellent at their jobs. I just never get to engage in conversations with them. Everything always seems to come back to FPS games and war games and shades of grey and brown in general.

The face of gaming is going through a massive change, whether we like it or not. It’d benefit everyone if game store clerks reflected the new world order.

Or maybe I just want someone out there to justify my love for fruity JRPGs. :(

Post from: EveryJoe

Game Clerks: Sometimes You Make It Hard For Me To Love You

Impress your friends with with the Playstation 3’s fab break-apart motion sensing controller! Place the two separate halves down your pants and unleash their mystical twin powers!

–Learn ancient Chinese secrets for infinite wealth and p3n15 growth!

–Bulk up without lifting weights!

–Slim down while eating Big Macs all day long!

–Be better with the ladies!! Secret pheromones are released at regular intervals from a gland hidden under the d-pad, thereby making you irresistible to nearby females—

You know what, I haven’t eaten anything nutritious all day and I should probably do something about that.

Nothing in this video is confirmed fact, by the way, except for this: whosoever shall wield this controller will have a bitching Ninja weapon. I think a Test of Honour should be a must for any hopeful owners. This will require a new chapter in EB’s training video, but it’s a vital investment.

“I’ll take this Sony motion controller, please.”

“You must defeat me in honourable combat before you are deemed worthy to wield the weapon of my ancestors.”

“Sony released this last week—”

“FALCO-PAUNCH!!”

Post from: EveryJoe

The Playstation 3’s Amazing Break-Apart Controller!