I have finally hit the gaming wall where I can’t find a single damn thing that inspires me to buy it. Hell, I can’t even find something that inspires me to rent it.

Actually, I take that back.

I downloaded the demo of Folklore over the weekend and after ten minutes of trudging through the game, I really wanted to gouge my eyes out with a dull spoon. The story had promise but promise of a rockin’ story just can’t overcome shit game play.

I just searched the crap game on Metacritic.com and I’m damn surprised to find the game has an average score of 75 out of 100. WTF?

The reviews range from warm and fuzzy:

A great deal of the magnificence in Folklore comes from the little details: the serenity within a field of bristling flowers and cascading petals, or the charm of a stairway that rings with laughter when your character’s foot falls upon it – these are just a few of the many moments that may bring an awed smile to your face. – IGN

“Awed smile” definitely isn’t what I would call it. Grimace of disgust would probably be a more apt description.

To a review that I tend to agree with just a bit more wholeheartedly:

Folklore is one of 2007’s biggest disappointments. A PlayStation 3 game that at first seemed promising, but explodes in a fiery wreck, thanks to annoying dialogue, bizarre comic book style cut scenes and drab game play. – GameDaily

I know some of you are cussing me right now because I didn’t play the entire game. But I ask you, if you’re eating dinner out somewhere and the food tastes like shit, do you continue to eat the putrid crap so that you can more fully describe the fetid pile.

Yeah…didn’t think so.

Apparently the post that started as a whine about me not having games to play like Lunar, Oblivion, Kingdom Hearts, and Diablo II, this whole thing has devolved into a rant about a shit game.

I’m going to go try to find a happy place. I’ll be back later.

Post from: EveryJoe

From Rant to Bash

I started thinking about games that I need to play and then I realized that I suck at completing games. I think the most recent game that I’ve actually finished was Okami.

How long ago was that? A while ago.

I’ve beaten Oblivion and Shivering Isles [if you can ever beat those games] but I didn’t have the balls to beat Drake’s Fortune.

Well, in my defense of that one, Drake’s is like a movie that you get to interact with occasionally. The husband was playing Drake’s on his own save and I was watching him play and it just didn’t make any sense for me to “watch the movie” again. At least I got to see the ending of the game. [And it was cool, too.]

Remember Kingdom Hearts? The first Kingdom Hearts.

Yeah, haven’t beaten it.

#2 came out before I had beaten #1 and I just moved onto the second game. Now, #3 is due out…wait. Does anyone know when? If you know, will you let me know?

Kingdom Hearts 3 is kind of like Loch Ness or Bigfoot – everyone has heard of it or knows a cousin’s, uncle’s, brother who knows about it, but no one has actually seen it first hand.

One game that I can proudly say that I have beaten is the Lion King game for Sega Genesis.

Do you remember that game? It was sweet!

I’m not being sarcastic. I ruled that game and Scar was my bitch!

For those of you who still haven’t bested Scar, you have to make him jump over you and off of the cliff’s edge. Please refer to the picture on the left of your screen.

I beat Psychonauts, too. Can’t forget that awesome game.

It really does rock, but is often forgotten. You can either buy it at the Amazon link that I posted, or you can usually find it in the bargain bin at your favorite game store. I think we picked our copy up for maybe $5. Best $5 I’ve spent in a while.

I guess I should explain why I don’t “beat” games. It’s not that they get too difficult or that I’m a big gaming baby. Honestly, I have the attention span of a fruit fly. [That's not very long] There are tons of games that hold my interest until the middle and then fall flat on their faces. So, for me to actually finish a game really says something for the game.

Take Assassin’s Creed.

Loved the concept. Loved the graphics. The fact that the cut-scenes were interactive made me happy. And, I guess it was kind of fun to shove my blade into a guy’s neck. BUT, after a while, it got really old to do the same thing over and over.

Pickpocket a bad guy. Check. Eavesdrop on a bad guy. Check. Interrogate beat the crap out of a guy. Check.

After the third time of doing all of that stuff I just wanted to puke. But, I trudged on. I wanted to love Assassin’s Creed. In the end, I got to the final “boss” and all of the sword fighting and it just got old and I was finally tired of the game. I’ll go back and beat the damn thing so I don’t loose my street cred, but it will be a while.

Now that I’ve written all of this, I kind of want to dust off the first Kingdom Hearts and just start over.

Maybe this time I’ll actually finish it.

Post from: EveryJoe

I Apparently am Incapable of Completing a Game

You can trust me to bring you the corniest best Christmas themed video game news.

All Christmas. All of the time.

On to the video.

The music is punk Silent Night sung in German and there are dancing bears.

Enough said.

Post from: EveryJoe

Oblivion Christmas Card

I absolutely LOVE Oblivion. It’s replay value is through the roof and I have to say that I have a special soft spot in my heart for the Mage’s Guild.

I’m the “leader” of all of the guilds, I’ve closed all of the Oblivion Gates. I’ve done it all. Well, I haven’t done it all since I can still wander around and find a cave or settlement that I didn’t know was there.

Back to Shivering Isles.

I finally got my hands on this handy dandy expansion and I LOVE it.

Shivering Isles was one of those rare games that I bought without reading a single review. I had already drank the Oblivion Kool-Aid; I didn’t need any convincing.

The first thing that struck me was the Matrix esque choice between dementia or mania.

I really don’t think it’s fair to force me to make such an important decision so early on, but, if I hadn’t, I would have much less to write about. [I chose mania by-the-way]

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not finished with the expansion. However, I’ve gotten far enough into it to say that there is a distinct “this is hard as hell” learning curve.

The “monsters” just seem a bit more bad ass. Not to mention [but I will] they’re scarier looking.

I have to tell you that I am a huge wuss when it comes to the “scary” parts. The Oblivion Gates almost made me wet myself and thank the gods for my superior conjuring ability. Not only does it provide me with some company [go ahead and roll your eyes] but, very few things can stand up against Xivilai.

I’m off to play more as soon as I publish this. I expect hours upon hours of missing time…Oblivion games seem to do that to me.

Updates to follow.

Post from: EveryJoe

The Elder Scrolls IV: Shivering Isles