In his second season in the big leagues, Longoria might be the hottest hitter in the entire game. Against the Boston Red Sox on Saturday, he went 2-for-4 with a walk, three runs and five RBI. In the first inning, Longoria hit a two-run homer that put the Rays up for good. When the bashing was all done, the Rays had a 14-5 victory over the Red Sox.

Helping Longoria bash were Carlos Pena, Pat Burrell, Akinori Iwamura and Ben Zobrist. Each of those hitters finished with two RBI. On the mound, Scott Kazmir gave up three earned runs in five innings to pick up his fourth win of the season and lower his ERA to 5.92.

For the Red Sox, Jon Lester gave up eight earned runs in 4.1 innings and now has a 6.31 ERA on the season. Despite the loss, the Red Sox are still 19-12 on the season, while the Rays are 15-17.

The 23-year-old Longoria is hitting .367 with 11 homers and 44 RBI. The RBI total is the highest in all of Major League Baseball. If he keeps hitting at this pace, he may get his own ABC television show before too much longer.

Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays (Image: Newscom)

Post from: EveryJoe

Evan Longoria Bashes Rays Past Red Sox

True, the super-duper-cutie pie and wife of San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker did pack on a few pounds for her role in Desperate Housewives:

This reminds us: We couldn’t help but notice how all-too-happy co-star Felicity Huffman was to blab about Eva’s fatness. (Yeah, she disguised it as a she-isn’t-preggers commentary but you can almost hear the suppressed glee nonetheless). 

But anyway, this is a picture dated just a few days ago—that is, in the midst of the Big Fat Eva chatter. If this is a chubby gal, then somebody had better give this size 4 bloggerette/gym rat an all-expense paid trip to fat camp.

Images: Used with permission of www.splashnewsonline.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Uh, Does Eva Longoria Parker Look Fat to You?

In no particular order: 

Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly
Hotness: 9.7  Pretty boy + cutie pie=A darn respectable score. 
Likability: 9.0 She OK but hey, he’s a member of the New York Yankees. We’re Boston Red Sox fans. ‘Nuff said.
Endurance Potential: 4.6 Playboy boy + cutie pie=A good time had by all. For a few months anyway.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen
Hotness: 9.9 Brady is a doll. Gisele is a supermodel (but we docked her .1  ’cause we think she’s overrated. So there).
Likability: 9.2 We’re all about the New England Patriots, but that Bridget Moynihan baby mama situation was U-G-L-Y. And does anyone really have a sense of Gisele’s personality, anyway?
Endurance Potential: 8.1 These two are jet setters and a paparazzo’s dream, but together forever? Meh, we doubt it.

Marko Jaric and Adriana Lima
Hotness: 9.6 She’s a Victoria’s Secret model (better than Gisele!) and he’s not shabby, either.
Likability: 9.6 She’s a od girl and he’s a good sport.
Endurance Potential: 8.8 They’re engaged, but they haven’t been in the game quite a year yet. We shall see.

David Beckham and Victoria Beckham
Hotness: 9.8 Men’s Health cover boy Beck gets a perfect score; points off for Victoria’s grumpy no-smile policy.
Likability: 9.1 We repeat: Beck gets a perfect score; points off for Victoria’s grumpy no-smile policy.
Endurance Potential: 9.6 They’re solid here, having weathered rumored affairs and dealing with the media. That smokin’ photo shoot they did last year was pretty convincing, too.  

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria
Hotness: 9.7 He’s not too bad and she’s an absolute doll, even with the weight gain and haircut for Desperate Housewives.
Likability: 9.8 He’s a good guy and, TMI tendencies aside, Eva sparkles.
Endurance Potential: 9.4 They’ve survived the rumor mill and crazy schedules. We never say forever in celebrity-land, but they’re A-OK for now.

Dion Phaneuf and Elisha Cuthbert
Hotness: 9.9 No complaints here. Even Elisha likes to check out her own rack.
Likability: 8.3 Maybe if Elisha’s character on 24 hadn’t become so annoying after season 1, we’d give them a higher score.
Endurance Potential: 4.5 Sorry, but PDA aside, Elisha goes through hockey players the way Paris Hilton goes through BFFs. 

Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker
Hotness: 9.8 She’s a swimsuit model and he’s a cutie, too, even if we do wish he’d ditch the baseball cap.
Likability: 9.7 We don’t really know her. We do, however, appreciate Andy’s great sense of humor and self-deprecating manner.
Endurance Potential: 8.6 They recently got engaged, but we can’t score them too highly. She’s only 19 and “time will tell” fits these two best.

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson
Hotness: 9.6 She’s easy on the eyes with classic good looks. He’s not as hot as Tom Brady but is much better looking than Peyton Manning and his putzy little brother, Eli.
Likability: 8.7 Serious deductions here thanks to Jessica’s cheesiness and whining about what people read about her. Further points taken off for her claims to be just like the rest of us.
Endurance Potential: 7.3 Rumors abound about the status of their relationship, which has had more ups and downs than a shot glass in a Warsaw bar. Even if they tie the knot—another source of they will/they won’t rumors—we don’t see it as a forever kind of thing.

Mike Comrie and Hilary Duff
Hotness: 9.4 Decent, but they don’t exactly fog up the camera lens when a shutterbug catches them together.
Likability: 9.7 HD’s long-standing reputation as a good girl is appealing, and the recent interview we read in Allure confirms it. He seems like an OK guy.
Endurance Potential: 8.9 He bought her a Mercedes for her birthday last year, and the Duffster isn’t a serial dater. But forever AND ever?

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian*
Hotness: 9.0 Reggie is fine. As for Kim, we don’t care what anyone says. We like curves, but her tush is not as great as she thinks it is.
Likability: 8.4 Again, Reggie is fine. Kim’s responsible for the point dip, between a why-does-she-even-have-it reality show and head-scratching fashion choices.
Endurance Potential: 7.6 They appear to fall in that “it’s fun for now” category rather than the “togethah forevah” one.

* Sadly, we had to include these two, despite our reluctance to refer to Kim Kardashian as a “celebrity.” If Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson hadn’t taken the Last Train to Splitsville recently, they would have been contenders instead.

Quiet, please. The judge is tallying the scores.

And the winners are . . .

GOLD: Tony Parker and Eva Longoria

SILVER: David and Victoria Beckham

BRONZE: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen

Congratulations to the winners! Everyone else: Better luck in four years. If you’re still a couple.

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In the mood for a contest? Check out our post on the Samsung Fun Club summer promotion!

Photo credit: Newscom

Post from: EveryJoe

Awarding Olympic Medals to Athlete-Celebrity Couples

Photo courtesy of www.splashnewsonline.com.

We didn’t get invited to the birthday party (that’s 34 straight snubs, in case you were wondering), but MSN Hot Gossip’s rundown of the celebratory and celebrity-filled shindig reads like a Who’s Who in Hollywood: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Kate Beckinsale, Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith, Eva Longoria, Elton John, and Usher. Oh, and Gwen Stefani, Gavin Rossdale, Diddy, Kim Porter, and Heidi Klum were there, too. (WTF? What about Seal? Was he snubbed, too?)

Word is there were lots of ballons, streamers, cupcakes, paintball, and a make-your-own sundae station.

Yes, that last line was a joke. You don’t think VB actually consumes cupcakes and sundaes, do you?

Post from: EveryJoe

Victoria Beckham’s Posh Birthday Party

As you know, this is a sports blog but we also dish on celebrities connected to the sports world, like Victoria Beckham and Eva Longoria. Imagine our delight to learn that Posh and Eva went shopping together recently. This means worlds are colliding . . . in a good way, not the George Costanza way, also known as the Worlds Collide Theory.

For a fleeting second we envisioned Victoria and Eva in a shoe store or designer’s boutique, perhaps chatting about how sick and tired they are of Gossip On Sports cracking jokes about them all the time. And then we giggled like Elmo and fueled our sugar high with more Cadbury Mini-Eggs.

By the way, we believe David and Victoria are doing a mighty fine job raising those boys. Little Romeo was out and about wearing a Tom Brady jersey, so we know the Beckhams have their priorities in order. (You just know the paparazzi will be scouting to see if Bridget and Tom’s ”dreamboat baby” wears Beck jerseys, too. If not, then we just gave someone a very good idea.)

To see more pictures than a human being should reasonably have documenting the Victoria–Eva retail therapy session, check out Just Jared.  

Post from: EveryJoe

Victoria Beckham, Eva Longoria, and a Little Tom Brady

Are you thinking, WTF? Hey, so was Eva!

OK, enough with the games. Well, not really, or else we wouldn’t be able to explain the theme for Eva’s birthday bash: the boardgame Clue.

* waits patiently while readers have an “A-ha!” moment regarding the opening lines of the post*

Indeed, San Antonio Spurs star Tony Parker planned one heck of a party for his wife. (Sorry, Mike H. You may not want to read any further).

Eva turned 33 on the ides of March—the 15th for those of you not up on your Julius Caesar references—and kicked off the good times in Miami. Upon heading home to Texas, Tony surprised her with a celebration that included a scavenger hunt, dinner at a (kind of) castle, and a “real-life” version of Clue, according to People. We’re pretty sure that “real-life” is only partly true and that the partygoer portraying Col. Mustard didn’t actually bash in Mrs. Peacock’s skull with the lead pipe in the Study. But you never know.

The biggest surprise? No Tony! But this pesky Spurs Coyote mascot followed her around like, uh, a dog in heat. That’s because—ta da!—Tony was wearing the mascot costume.

And then everyone had Eva’s favorite cake, Betty Crocker yellow with chocolate frosting.

See, the stars really are like us.

Post from: EveryJoe

Does Eva Longoria Have a Clue?

Since we’re ‘Net pals with Mike from SteadyBurn, we feel compelled to let the world know that Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs is a dreamcrusher for at least one twentysomething guy.

Here’s why, complete with photos and amusing captions.

Would it be cruel of us to then link to this post about Eva’s “mystery” moments?

Maybe, but that’s the role of a sports humor blog.

Post from: EveryJoe

When Bloggers Have Fantasy Chicks

Compare that to Brooklyn Beckham, fortunate offspring of David and Victoria Beckham. He blew out candles before the likes of Heidi Klum and Eva Longoria at the chic Pink Taco in Century City, CA. (Beck himself was traveling in Asia with the L.A. Galaxy–and doing an admirable good deed: visiting young leukemia patients).

Impressive. The closest we ever came to birthday celebrity encounters in our 1980s youth were copies of Tiger Beat passed around at slumber parties while arguing over who would marry Tom Cruise and who was most likely to be cast in a future installment of The Karate Kid with Ralph Macchio.

Yeah, we were cool.

Post from: EveryJoe

Birthday Parties, Beckham Style

Anyhoo, quotes like this are the reason “TMI” came into the vocabulary of American pop culture: 

“We’re still in the honeymoon phase. I love him—but I don’t fart in front of him! I save it for myself. You have to keep the mystery.”

Nice thought. However, given that such sensual insight has been published in a nationwide celebrity tabloid, it’s a smidge less mysterious.

Now everyone is picturing the cutie pie Desperate Housewives star flirting and nuzzling with Tony and then letting ‘em rip the second he leaves the room for a bathroom break or something. Or at least, everyone reading this post will envision said scenario . . .

Never let it be said that we don’t do our part to help celebrities overshare.

Post from: EveryJoe

Eva Longoria Passes Gas, Keeps the Mystery

And if that weren’t enough, he’s got a romantic side, too. Perez Hilton reports that he surprised wife Victoria with a vow renewal ceremony at their U.K. digs. (No word as to whether or not she actually cracked a smile when he broke the good news.) The good times took place a couple of years ago but the “news” just leaked.

Family and friends attended the shindig, and David and The Missus each got tattoos—as if Beck needs any more ink—to commemorate the occasion. (We’ll get back to this below.)

All of this leads us to conclude that David Beckham isn’t just eye candy for the ladies. He’s also The Guy Crush King. And if he isn’t, he should be. Who better than Beck in the sports world? Tom Brady? The target of jealousy. Tony Parker? Maybe—but Eva Longoria seems to wear the shorts (it’s too hot for pants in Texas) in that relationship. Tony Romo? He probably lost most guys when he (allegedly) got that Britney Spears lap dance.

You know what REALLY gives Beck the edge? That tattoo we mentioned. It’s am image of his wife sans clothes. What a way to endear himself to the ladies . . . and the guys.

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Post from: EveryJoe

David Beckham: The Guy Crush King