August’s b5media sports channel theme day is “favorites”. Presumably I’m supposed to tell you about my favorite pro wrestler and/or boxer. The thing is, as a sports blogger/expert analyst journalism ethics tell me that I can’t show favoritism. I can’t root for one fighter over another. It would destroy my credibility. It would severely undermine the high standards to which jabandgrapple.com aspires.

“Um, excuse me.” It seems the peanut gallery has something to say. “Everytime you write about Jeff Hardy you say ‘I love you Jeff Hardy, I love you Jeff Hardy’. And what about your ridiculous and overt pining for Eve Torres? (Mr. JandG note: she doesn’t wrestle. I CAN favor her.) Or the fact that you’ve admitted that Y2J is your favorite. And then said that Randy Orton is your favorite. And then said that John Cena is your favorite. And then said that Edge is your favorite. And I think you might have even said that Kofi Kingston was your favorite. You have more favorites than a Las Vegas casino sports book. And in your glorious high standard blog as well.”

What you say might be true. But that’s wrestling. I’m supposed to take sides. That’s why there are good guys and bad guys. I am completely absolved. And, plus, I’m fair and balanced towards the people I don’t like like HHH, Mark Henry, the Great Khali, and Mike Adamle. Really, I am.

And anyway I don’t show favoritism in boxing. No sides no favorites pure rational Platonic objectivity.

“Um, here are two quotes from YOUR OWN BLOG:”

We are big Klitschko fans; Mrs. Jabandgrapple has even claimed to have married Mr. Jabandgrapple because of his passing likeness to Wlad.

and

Then Darling Jimenez knocks him down! Oh my heavens! Vamos Darling!

“Those don’t sound too nonobjective to me!”

I’ll admit, maybe once or twice I’ve cheered a bit for one fighter and not the other. But that doesn’t mean I have a favorite. The only favorite in my heart in the Manchester City Football Club. And I like them so much that I vehemently cheer (oops) for Ricky Hatton even though he hangs out with Manchester United strikers every now and then.

So if I were to admit a really really really favorite boxer/wrestler it would be Ricky Hatton but it oddly has nothing to do with boxing or wrestling and everything to do with, um, soccer. Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone… There’s only one Ricky Hatton!

Post from: EveryJoe

b5 Favorites Day

MVP def. Jimmy Wang Yang
Mr. Kennedy def. Shelton Benjamin

Yes, it wasn’t just Tuesday night’s ECW event that we attended. The good people from the WWE also filmed SmackDown three nights ago in Hershey, Pennsylania. And we were there. Here are more of Mr. and Mrs. Jabandgrapple’s live and in real time musings.

1. Jimmy Wang Yang’s entrance music comes on before the show has even started. What is going on? Is he going to wrestle Mick Foley or Jim Ross?

2. SmackDown starts are Jeff Hardy appears. The Ultimate Risk Taker is even more dynamic in person. We love you Jeff Hardy His theme music comes on and we everybody in the Giant Center goes craaaaaaazy. Is he wrestling Wang Yang?

3. The WWE tech people work frantically to assemble MVP’s entrance tunnel, which isn’t that impressive anyway. Is he wrestling Wang Yang AND Jeff Hardy?

4. MVP keeps insulting Jeff Hardy and at this point Mrs. JandG throws some vulgar expletives down towards ringside. After watching the broadcast we’re thankful the WWE’s mics didn’t pick up those choice words.

5. It’s finally evident that MVP is the one fighting Wang Yang. He makes short work of him and we’re waiting for the fireworks between him and Hardy. Let it also be known that the indoor fireworks that accompany your favorite wrestler are FAR louder than they appear in person. Our hearing is still recovering.

6. The biggest cheer of the night comes when Jeff tells MVP to NEVER EVER EVER talk about the fire, about his home, or about his dog Jack. Jeff then hits a choice Twist of Fate and announces YOU MAKE ME SICK! We jump up out of our seats and yell at the top of our lungs, “YEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHH” We both actually just repeated that yell right now!

7. Mr. Kennedy says we’re waiting for him to say three words. We wonder what the third word is. Is it Mister Mister Kennedy? or Mister Kennedy Kennedy?

8. Mick Foley admits on air that he listened to Tori Amos to get hyped up for matches. Let’s just say that suspect choice of songs explains a lot about what happens at the end of tonight’s SmackDown…

9. While we watched the Mr. Kennedy vs. Shelton Benjamin match I said “This is the type of technical, highly skilled grappling that true wrestling fans love. So pay attention. It will be a lot more exciting on TV.” (And I was right!) Still, the Mrs. yawned wondering “Well then, why don’t these two don’t involve the crowd more?” I gotta agree.

10. Mrs. JandG labels this contest “The Clairol Match” because both competitors ridiculous sport a amount of hair dye. Shelton’s roots are far less visible making him the pejorative favorite.

11. Benjamin hits a great cross body leap of the top rope but it’s not enough. Mr. Kennedy lands a Mic Check with puts the United States champion out for the count. Sadly, it’s a non-title match and his victory in the best match of the night means nothing.

12. Post match, the astoundingly beautiful Eve Torres approaches the ring. At the quietest moment of the night I yell “I LOVE YOU EVE TORRES” at my lungs’ peak. It doesn’t make it onto air.

13. We’re really impressed by how dexterous and fast Eve moves back to the dressing room in her ridiculously high heels. (5 inches?) BTW, her quickness had nothing to do with my professed love. Just saying.

Post from: EveryJoe

8/1/08 WWE SmackDown: We Were There Again Part One

Friday Night SmackDown, May 30, 2008

The Setup
Batista sure cleans up well. He’s decked out in a pitch black pinstripe suit with a black tie and sun glasses that seem to have a gargoyle on their sides. Versaces, of course. He wants forgiveness from the people because he wants to “hurt Shawn Michaels“. It’s OK Animal, we understand.

Vickie Guerrero, however, doesn’t understand. She’s being wheeled out by the interchangeable Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins and she warns Batista not to look past Michaels and to the Heavyweight championship because he might not even be inSmackDown (in the future). The 2008 Draft and all. Vickie, who is showing a great deal of cleavage, is being rained on by a chorus of “You Suck” catcalls. She is not loved in Colorado Springs.

This protracted segment ends with Vickie setting up a match with Zach and Curt vs. Batista and any friend he can find backstage. Who will come to the Animal’s defense?

Segment Grade: D This is certainly not an exciting beginning. A Main Event that includes a pair known for being an entourage doesn’t exactly get our blood started.

Match One
Matt Hardy def. Elijah Burke
How can Jeff Hardy be so exciting and his brother Matt so boring? After a turgid seven minutes Hardy hits Burke with a Twist of Fate and a quick pin. What was the most interesting thing about the match? The FCC crawl informing us that the switch from analog to digital is coming soon. Matt certainly looks to be going through the motions.

Segment Grade: D

Post-Match Nonsense
After the match, pint-sized Jamie Noble comes to save the stunning WWE Diva Eve Torres from having to interview the self-obsessed M.V.P. any longer. There are two problems, however, with his intervention: 1) Eve sneaks off the set when they’re arguing and 2) We are going to have to watch this mismatch. Ughh.

Post from: EveryJoe

SmackDown 5/30 Part One: The Yawns Begin