Alas, there’s always a means of consolation. For us, it typically comes in the form of Schadenfreude. When said joy through other people’s misery involves the New York Yankees, so much the better.

Case in point? Pitcher Joba Chamberlain’s arrest for alleged drunken driving. (Note the generous, legalese-inspired use of  “alleged.” His blood alcohol limit was .134). Here’s why we’re amused:

1. The very fact that Chamberlain is facing DUI charges, which affords us the opportunity to squeeze in one more “Joba the Hutt” reference this year.

2. He was in Nebraska. Nothing says “moneybags ballplayer” like hanging out in a Nebraska strip club.

3. He left the final watering hole on his Huffy Bike after being taunted about not playing for the Red Sox, since the Sox made it to the postseason and the Yankees did not (a highlight for us when we went to their last game of 2008).

Image: Used with permission of www.newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

Joba Chamberlain’s DUI: Blame It on the Red Sox

Well, we’re about to make a big fuss about the Red Sox-Yankees game we and some pals took in last night—the final game of the regular season and the final game of 2008 for a certain pinstriped New York team.

Here’s the story in pictures snapped by Johnny Pap (for Paparazzi, remember?):

“Hmm,” A-Rod thinks, “The season’s over and my wife gave me the boot. Maybe that leopard expert/former stripper is free tonight.” 

Derek Jeter drops his jaw in disbelief: He gave up a date with Minka Kelly for this?

Easily the best sign we saw at Fenway Park.

Easily the second best sign we saw at Fenway Park.

Speaking of RIP, the same might soon be said of Joe Girardi’s job if Hank Steinbrenner is as unreasonable as his father was toward Joe Torre.

All’s well that end’s well.

Post from: EveryJoe

PHOTOS: Gloating Over the Yankees Season-Ending Loss at Fenway Park

Obvious

Favorite baseball team: Boston Red Sox

Favorite Red Sox player: Mike Lowell and Curt Schilling (see, we can’t pick just one!)

Favorite football team: New England Patriots

Favorite Patriots player: Tom Brady  

Favorite basketball team: Boston Celtics

Favorite Celtics player: Ray Allen

Favorite sports venue: Fenway Park

Favorite place to enjoy cocktails before or after a trip to Fenway Park: Sonsie  

Favorite broadcasting team: Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo

Favorite NESN anchor: Anyone but the thank-goodness-she’s-gone Hazel Mae  

Favorite coach: Bill Belichick

Favorite team pride gear: Our very own Bill Belichick hoodie.

Not So Obvious

Favorite male athlete, any sport, any time: Roger Federer

Favorite female athlete, any sport, any time: Justine Henin

Favorite college basketball team: Providence College Friars. Yay for the alma mater!  

Favorite sport to play: Tennis Favorite sport to watch in the Olympics: Gymnastics  

Favorite haircut, in conjunction with The Bee, to make fun of: Dennis Eckersley  

Favorite mustache, in conjunction with The Bee, to make fun of: Randy Johnson, when he has one. Not sure if he looks more like a redneck with or without it.

Favorite athlete-connected celebrity to make fun of: Jessica Simpson  Close second: Victoria Beckham

Favorite display of fandom by someone else: This guy’s haircut

Favorite coach rant: Mike Gundy, parodied here via radio talk show prank (audio clip):

Post from: EveryJoe

Playing Favorites with Gossip On Sports

Should he stay or should he go? We think he should stay. Here’s why:

1. Even with Paul Hamm pulling out of the Beijing Olympics, Manny still wouldn’t make the team. His gymnastics routine in left field a last week was rather sloppy (and he didn’t stick the landing).

2. Who else is going to ruffle owner John Henry’s feathers? Even Hank Steinbrenner failed to arouse him earlier this season.

3. Jacoby Ellsbury, lil’ hearthrob that he is, won’t look as good in a do-rag.

4. We need someone who can high-five fans after a catch and in the midst of a double play.

Post from: EveryJoe

4 Reasons the Red Sox Should Keep Manny Ramirez

Anyhoo, we went to the July 6 Sox-Yanks game at Yankee Stadium. In addition to baseball, we were treated to a rendition of “How to Blow a 2-Run Lead in 7 Pitches or Less” by Javier Lopez (a member of the Sox blowpen) and an episode of “Watch Three Strikes With Manny Ramirez.”

Enough about that. Here’s our award ceremony for the game:

Dumbest Shirt: Apparently the Yankees think wearing “Joba the Hutt” shirts while Joba Chamberlain pitches is some kind of cute, kitschy pop culture reference. Um, has anyone seen Return of the Jedi lately? Do you really want to draw comparisons between your star pitcher and a ruthless blob who chains up hot women, especially when there’s no chaining up of hot women? 

Best Shirt: Our own, natch. The 2007 World Series Championship Red Sox ones in red. Yes, a Yankees fan made a smart aleck remark about it, and yes, we had a snarky comeback.

Most Annoying Yankees Fan: Wow, this is like a three-way tie between (1) the guy with a squirrel on his NYY cap—tacky with a capital T in 28-point font;

(2) the guy who pioneered a very un-Sox friendly chant and got thrown out by security (along with a row of others and a few Sox fans); and

(3) the girl who was sitting two sections away from the thrown-out fan, pitching a fit to anyone who had to suffer through listening about the injustice of it all.

Best Yankees Fan: Yes, we did actually like one of them. As we stood outside the gate waiting for it to open, a Yanks fan made a good-natured Sox joke and then put his arm around The Bee saying, “Hey, it’s all in fun. We’re all fans!” 

Best Moment: Another tie. The first was seeing A-Rod tie Mickey Mantle’s 536 HRs because we all know Madonna and her Kablahblahblah would still get the bigger buzz. (Little did we know that A-Rod’s wife would get the honors by filing for divorce the following morning).

The other best moment? Watching Joe Girardi get tossed from the game. As this particular Sox fan shouted after the crowd simmered down, “You stay classy, Joe!”

Most Right-On Prediction: We jokingly referred to our trip to Yankee Stadium as going into “enemy territory.” Guess what? That’s not an exaggeration. As the game got closer and the beer flowed more freely, we realized that the Sox-Yanks rivalry is alive and well. We can’t wait to return the favor at Fenway . . .

P.S. We bought a Yankees shirt. Sorta. It was a Yankee Stadium shirt. What, did you think we’d actually get a Jeter jersey or something?

Post from: EveryJoe

Sox Fan Goes to Game at Yankee Stadium, Lives to Tell the Tale

Here are a few entertaining “worsts” across the sports world:

Worst Idea to Have While at Fenway Park: That would be running onto the field, the end result of which is being clotheslined.

Worst Sports Arena Anthems: The commentary on these songs is a hoot, which kinda makes us wish that (a) we thought of it first and (b) we can work our way into The Putdown’s good graces so the humor aura will reflect well on us.

Worst Dressed Wife/Girlfriend: Kobe Bryant’s wife, Vanessa, gets this nod for showing up at her hubby’s on-court MVP ceremony in a purple tutu. We’re not kidding.

Worst Pro Sports Franchises: We read this list on Fox Sports when it came out last month . . . and it’s hard to disagree. Sorry, Pittsburgh Pirates fans.

Worst Sports Injuries(Video): Avoid eating cookies while watching this 45-second clip of mostly soccer injuries or you may very well end up tossing them. You’ve been warned.

Post from: EveryJoe

A Collection of “Worsts” Around the Sports Blogosphere

Why the warning? Well, we’re about to salute some zany fan antics, even though we (ahem) don’t formally condone throwing objects on the field or ice . . . right?

Most Unusual Tradition With the Coolest Ending: The Detroit Red Wings fan who threw an octopus on the ice this weekend inspired this post. Not only did he sneak it into the arena, but he got himself back in the arena after getting thrown out!

Tradition that Would Give Paula Deen Recipe Ideas: Nashville Predators fans have been known to toss catfish on the ice when the team scores a goal.

Wish-We-Thought of It Tradition: Chicago Cubs fans at Wrigley Field throw back the homerun balls of opposing teams. We’ll overlook the fact that this includes Boston Red Sox HRs because . . . we kinda wish this was a tradition at Fenway Park.

The Record-Setting but Cruelty to Stuffed Animals Episode: In December 2007, Portland Winter Hawks fans threw 20,372 teddy bears onto the ice. Never mind the why. It’s the suffering of the teddy bears that we should be focusing on here. Ok, off the soapbox now.

Speaking of Record-Breaking, the Death of Disco Episode: A 1979 night that will live in Comiskey Park infamy, Disco Demolition during a Chicago White Sox-Detroit Tigers doubleheader was baseball’s rebellion against the white polyester pantsuit. (Sorry, John Travolta).  

Post from: EveryJoe

Top 5 Fan-Throwing-Stuff-Onto-Field Episodes

In truth, it was an F-16 F-Up. The now-grounded-for-retraining pilot did it to slow down after zooming in to catch-up to the other F-16s in formation. The problem with the showy stunt? He was flying at an altitude too low for the maneuver (1,100 versus the 5,000 deemed appropriate).

And do you know who’s fault it is? Think about who was in the park to throw out the first pitch.

That’s right, we’re blaming it on Bill Buckner. Who else?

Post from: EveryJoe

F-16 Pilot Does a Mid-Air Oops Over Fenway Park When Bill Buckner was There. Coincidence or Jinx?

Finish your coffee or tea before reading or you’re likely to snort it through your nose and onto your keyboard. And who wants to clean up a mess like that?

Check out this wish-we-wrote-it take on Buckner’s return and the tongue-in-cheek search for former Red Sox pitcher Bob Stanley.

Post from: EveryJoe

One More Post on Bill Buckner (’Cause This Link is Too Funny to Keep to Ourselves)

1. You think Red Sox Nation was so blinded by the World Series ring ceremony as to overlook the team’s 3-4 record going into yesterday’s game? Hardly. In typical Sox fan fashion, many of us grumbled about how “they’d better win.” (Never mind their hectic schedule thus far!)

2. Fans were also complaining—as we do every year—about the 2:05p.m. start time for the opening game at Fenway Park. Hey Front Office, most of us have this thing called “work” at that time of day. (Luckily, most of us have this thing called “internet access” and/or “bosses and co-workers who are Sox fans and will give us score updates.” But still).

3. Bill Buckner’s missed grounder in the 1986 World Series against the New York Mets was the blunder of the century to Sox fans, who mercilessly blamed him for the ‘86 loss (begrudging admissions that it wasn’t the sole “cause” notwithstanding). Apparently all was not forgiven after the 2004 win, because only in Beantown would we wait until TWO titles were under the belt before making amends with Buckner.

Even so, the happy ending is nice. Did anyone ever think they’d see him throw out the first pitch on opening day?

4. Following the 5-0 victory over the Detroit Tigers, the prevailing sentiment among many fans was . “Phew! It’s about time they won. One would hope they could notch a W over a team that has yet to win in 2008.”

Welcome to baseball season in Boston.

Post from: EveryJoe

Four “Only in Boston” Observations on Opening Day at Fenway