Over at my totally awesome Playstation Blog, I transcribed my fruitless journey to find Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure for the Nintendo DS. I tried a few different stores, but nobody within knew how to spell “rhapsody,” nor were they accepting of my help. One bright fellow did take out his iPod and consult his playlist for “Rhapsody,” as in “Bohemian.”

I could go on about the uselessness of help these days, but in the end it turned out the game is only shipping today and not in July as I first believed, so I have proven once again that I am in fact a moron.

I’ll be playing Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure for work purposes. I’m intrigued by it. It seems to be formulated with girls in mind; I wouldn’t know, since I missed the PSOne version of the game (Legend of Legaia burned me on PSOne RPGs for a long, long time, as did the theft of my precious Suikoden II. RIP). But word has it that Rhapsody is a pretty light affair, easily bolted down within five to ten hours. After slogging through Final Fantasy IV DS I can use something light and airy to guide me into DragonQuest IV.

I consulted Wikipedia and saw that the original game didn’t garner much love among critics, but I doubt any of them have fantasised about having a concert with Princess Fluffypants and her Horsie Brigade. I’m of a different breed.

Post from: EveryJoe

I’m Going To Play Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure

My fellow blogger and trusted bank-robbing assistant Bob Mackey recently vented his frustrations about Final Fantasy IV DS’ twisted idea of a challenge.

It’s an interesting read because I agree with it. As far as challenge goes, I think that Final Fantasy IV DS is mostly balanced. Mostly. Enemies are craftier, but you have a map system that rewards you for exploration. Magic spells hit harder, but you can multicast Shell and Protect. Bosses whip out twisted counters the likes of which the civilised world has never seen, but almost every single baddie is vulnerable to “Slow” (and if a boss decides to counter by casting Slow on you, get ready for the most exciting event since the unveiling of your grandfather’s headstone).

But when Final Fantasy IV DS does decide to give it to you up the bum, let me tell you, you will take it hard.

I will admit that a whiny “That’s not fair!” didn’t escape my lips until I took on the Giant of Babel’s CPU. True to the original game, the Giant is powered by a, uh, big black ball and two little black balls(!) designated as the Attack Node and Defence Node.

The original strategy involved killing the Defence Node first, since it could heal the CPU for 9999 HP. However, Final Fantasy IV DS mixed our shit up by making the Defence Node a feeble piece of garbage. In turn, it amped the power of the Attack Node considerably. One hit from the Attack Node would literally wipe out my party. I was never given a chance to even defend or cast Shell.

It turns out the attack order of the Nodes is completely random, so the “strategy” is to keep dying and retrying until you get a chance to waste a Fuma Shiryuken on the Attack Node and wipe it out. Fabulous!

Mackey mentions the frustration of slogging through the lunar core. The lunar core has always always been a big silver bitch to get through, particularly the delightful bit that throws bosses at you for random encounters. Personally, I’ve been taking on Final Fantasy IV DS’ lunar core the same way I always have: like it’s a college thesis. I slowly pillage the dragon-guarded chests. I study every enemy movement. I knock down the jerks guarding the weapons that belong to me.

Slowly but surely, the endgame is getting done. It’s something to play while I get cosy for bed and wait to get sleepy. I won’t be finishing it anytime soon, in other words.

The sheer difficulty of the enemies in the lunar core is a valid complaint, though. There is a trick to the dragons: omnicast berserk, then blink. That way the delightful lizards can’t spam Thermal Ray or Icestorm–oh wait, you missed the omnicast augment? Sucks to be you.

That, ultimately, is where Final Fantasy IV DS’ challenge drifts from “manageable” to “fuck this noise:” the augment system. Giving augments to characters who leave your party will result in better augments for your permanent characters, but there is absolutely nothing in the game that tells you as much. I discovered it through a message board thread. Furthermore, if this is your first playthrough of Final Fantasy IV, you have no idea who’s going to die.

On the other hand, I’ve heard from first-timers that Final Fantasy IV DS isn’t so difficult because they’re not carrying any pre-conceived notions of how enemies should be acting.

Matrix, go stand in the corner and think about all this. No, put your plans for Final Fantasy VI DS away. I have to talk to your father first. You have potential, but lack focus. And mercy.

(Image copyright Square-Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

Should We F the Moon or Just Gently Caress It?

Grab your time-traveling hats! (You do have a time-traveling hat, right?) WorthPlaying has pegged the release of Chrono Trigger DS release for November 25th, 2008.

There’s no official yea or nay from Square-Enix at this point, but the height of the holiday season probably isn’t a far-off guess.

Great! By the time I’ve finished grinding for the end of Final Fantasy IV DS, I should be ready to pick up Chrono Trigger DS!

(Image copyright Square-Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

Chrono Trigger DS at the End of November?

I love Final Fantasy IV and I’ve already made plans to marry Final Fantasy IV DS, but let’s face it: the game was melodramatic a thousand years ago and it has not grown sunnier with age.

In fact, the new translation really amps up the angst factor. The droning voice acting has also allowed me the opportunity to work on retorts.

I crack these retorts when I am playing alone. As you might suspect, I am often alone.

Please be aware of spoilers.

Fusoya: “Cecil, you are the image of your father in his youth.”
King of Baron: “Abandoned baby Cecil, you are the image of your mother.”
Me: “Christ, people.”

***

Fusoya: “Destroy the Giant’s Defence Node before attacking the CPU!”
Me (after getting wasted by the rampaging Attack Node): “Are you cruel, or just senile?”

***

Cecil: “Golbez is my brother…my brother…brother…brother…”
Me: “Someone whack the parrot. It’s stuck again.”

***

Fusoya (internal monologue): “Are all people on Earth so evil…?”
Me: “You mean the ones under the influence of the crazy moon man you couldn’t restrain? Mmmmmaybe.”

***

Golbez: “I ran away from home while our mother still bore you in her womb, Cecil…”
Me: “Wait, what was that cutscene I just saw where Golbez threw a very born Cecil against the trunk of a tree for the King of Baron to pick up? Oh, and you are completely allowed to say, ‘while our mother was still pregnant with you,’ Golbez. I promise I won’t be any less impressed with your vocabulary.”

(Ach, what am I supposed to expect from a half-alien decked in full black armour?)

Image copyright Square-Enix

Post from: EveryJoe

Final Fantasy IV DS: Inner Thoughts

Hey, know what you can do when you’re stuck on a train? You can play your DS!

And…you…

Can play your DS.

I made some significant progress on Final Fantasy IV DS. For example, I learned that Leviathan is a son of a bitch (son of a…whale? Son of a hydra?) and I’m far too low in level to take him down.

Just you wait, you slippery and noble Turd of the Sea. I’ve got a Thundaga bolt with your name on it. Just as soon as Rydia stops lying down like a dog every time you spam Tsunami.

Oh, and the music that accompanies the Land of the Summoned Monsters (sigh…the Feymarch) is a suitably eerie listen when you’re barreling around the moonlit lakes and fields of New York State.

Oh God, did I just say something bordering on the profound?

(Image copyright Square Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

My Moving DS Experience

I’ll be attending Otakon in Baltimore. It stands for otaku convention, you know.

This means I’ll be updating sporadically for the rest of the week, though I will try to keep on top of things because I adore you all so very much. I’ll also say this much: I’m going to have a hell of an opportunity to try and get ahead in Final Fantasy IV. Finally.

Behave!

Post from: EveryJoe

Vay-Kay

I warned you I wouldn’t stop jabbering once I got my hands on this game. Say goodbye to Handheld Age and witness the birth of Final Fantasy IV DS Age!

All right, I’m not that crazy. But just you wait.

As of my last bit of adventuring, I iced the Dark Dragon and turned Edward the sissy-boy into Edward the sissy-man. Now he gets to sleep in the beautiful kingdom of Troia while I bust my ass to build a ladder to the moon.

Some fan-types are miffed by the game’s re-translation, citing it as overblown and silly. I say, look at the source material.

Final Fantasy II/IV on the Super Nintendo had a pretty wrecked translation. Not much of anything made sense and the characters came across as fantasy storybook stereotypes.

Over fifteen years later we have Final Fantasy IV DS with a polished translation that makes sense and the characters come across as…fantasy storybook stereotypes.

In other words, it doesn’t bother me that Kain and Cecil talk like flamers. They’ve always been delightfully overblown. Cecil is conflicted about his oh so very dark past and Kain just wants to sleep with his best friend’s girlfriend (possibly he does when Golbez kidnaps her; there are fanfics my friends, oh are there ever fanfics). It doesn’t surprise me that there is a severe allergy to sentence contractions going around in the latest incarnation of Final Fantasy IV.

RPGamer mostly agrees with me:

“The DS translation takes the obnoxiously slangy, five-word-long-sentence filled translation of the GBA version and corrects it to something closer to the quality of Final Fantasy XII or Dragon Quest VIII.“

Whoa! I wouldn’t go that far. DragonQuest VIII’s localisation was pretty brilliant. Final Fantasy IV DS’s translation is certainly competent but no half-drunk king is going to grudgingly praise the heroes for being “duly expedient.”

I admittedly am interested to see where things go with the inevitable Final Fantasy VI remake for the DS or the DS’s future cousin. Woolsey’s initial translation gave the characters life and the Gameboy Advance remake fine-tuned the script. It would not do to have everyone suddenly talking like medieval wankers.

We shall see.

(Image copyright Square-Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

I Can’t Shut Up About Final Fantasy IV DS: Translation Controversy

Lock on: Final Fantasy IV DS.

Target item acquired.

Consumption attempt: negative (1000+ digestion units required, 49 available).

Recommended playthrough instead.

Current user status: moderately satisfied.

As of yesterday, I zapped Cagnazzo and unearthed the Enterprise. Cid sounds seriously weird, but at the same time I can’t deny that his voice is perfect for a beardo dressed in a blue jumpsuit, beady eyes obscured always by opaque goggles. Hell, there’s a dude dressed like that who lives on my street corner. He calls himself Jesus and sure enough, he’s got that real gruffness going on.

I’m really enjoying my playthrough thus far, but at the same time I understand why reviews are suggesting to give Final Fantasy IV DS a miss if you’ve played Final Fantasy IV Advance. Despite the graphic overhaul and the new script and new features, FF IV DS doesn’t feel very fresh. It’s the oddest thing. I know what’s coming and I know what to look forward to and what to dread (Trap Doors Trap Doors goddamn Sealed Cave and Trap Doors).

Maybe Square-Enix needed to mix things up just a little more. The great thing about Mega Man: Maverick Hunter X for the PSP is that the developers anticipated jerks like me who knew the original Mega Man X inside-out. They flipped the game on its side: not finding the dash upgrade in Chill Penguin’s stage blew my mind. I cringed into the foetal position.

The enemy attack patterns in Final Fantasy IV DS are certainly different and the bosses give no quarter; they’re not afraid to cast status ailments upon you. That’s well and good, but it would’ve been nice to see some changes in the story. Turn Cecil into a treasure hunter and Yang into the prince of a traveling kingdom.

Back to the ac-tion.

(Image copyright Square-Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

Bang, Zoom, Straight to the Moons: My Final Fantasy IV DS Playthrough

That means it’s time to eat hot dogs and ramen for a month and spend my food budget on a game that I’ve played a hundred million times.

I don’t care. I’m excited.

After I make my wise purchase, I will eat a Cinnabon to celebrate. Expect plenty of hot Final Fantasy IV DS blogging action in the coming days.

(Image copyright Square-Enix)

Post from: EveryJoe

Hey Kids, It’s Time for Final Fantasy IV DS!