– New Pay-For-Content Site Is Modeled After Donner Party Pioneers –
Beginning this week, Newsday, the Long Island newspaper New York city commuters choose as a last resort for something to read on the way to work in the event their train station newsstand doesn’t have the NYTimes, the NYPost or a three-month-old copy of Tiger Beat, announced it is moving to a pay-for-content web model.
A spokesman for the paper described the new model, which will attempt to charge five dollars a week ($260/year?!) to customers who aren’t subscribed to the Optimum Online cable system or the newspaper, as a “pioneering …read more

– Wal-Mart Fires ‘Asset Protection Officer’ For Chasing Down Shoplifter —
Josh Rutner was a unique Wal-Mart employee. He took his job seriously.
Josh was tasked with being an “asset protection officer” for the gigantic retailer. So, when a customer bolted on the check at Wal-Mart’s food counter and then ran out of the store with 43 dollars worth of golf balls in his pockets, Josh chased the thief down in the parking lot and held him until police arrived.
They held an employee awards ceremony for Josh the next day and rewarded him for actually giving a …read more

– Blog Action Day 2009 Mobilizes Bloggers In Biggest Waste Of Online Time Since Computer Solitaire –
Has there ever been a more ridiculous time sink than the amount of money, press coverage and trampling of individual choice associated with worrying about global warming?
If someone can point it out to me, I’d love to hear about it.
Take a step back and try to imagine any other reason why reasonably sane people would sit by and consider any one of the following scenarios as a normal, everyday occurrence:
– Allowing the government to make your purchase of big screen TVs illegal
– Having some …read more

–Stories Ripped-Off From The Day’s Headlines –
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Russia Refuses To Back Iran Embargo
Putin Says Sanctions Don’t Work … Better To Use Poison

“Trust me, Iranians love sushi….”
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Pepsi iPhone App Offers Guys Pick-Up Lines, Chance To Post ‘Conquests’ On Facebook
iCreep App Proves Hit With Key Stalker Demographic

Wants you to come up to the house for an energy drink and to meet Mom…
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‘It Ain’t Me … It Ain’t Me … I Ain’t No Senator’s Son’
Son of Ex-Governor Charged With Killing Ex-Girlfriend, Abusing His Father
Oooo, they point the cannon at you…
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Model: ‘I Was Fired For Being Too Large’
And…?

“Back the hell away from my chocolate!”
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Anheuser-Busch InBev …read more

– Board of Directors Caves to Gov’t Pressure to Limit Pay, Require All Citigroup Execs To Wear Frilly Lace Thongs To Work –
Under government pressure Citigroup agreed to sell off one of it’s profitable business units so it could concentrate on losing massive sums of money in its banking activities.
The bank’s commodity trading arm, Phibro, was sold to Occidental Petroleum for what analysts termed “a pittance.”
For Citibank execs who don’t understand economic jargon, a “pittance” is generally considered “a small sum well below what something is worth.”
At issue was an agreement with Phibro’s chief trader Andrew Hall to …read more

– Ability To Check Your Overdrawn Bank Balance In Men’s Room Is Latest Useless App Waiting To Be Hacked –
Ooooh. Have you got the latest, coolest app that lets you check your bank balance anytime from your cell phone? You do?! Really?!
Why?
Oh, I know. It’s for all those days when you’re never near an ATM machine in the course of your daily routine.
The one time in a millennium you don’t pass within 20 feet of a cash machine was predicted in ancient Mayan prophecies, so you’ll want to be ready for that emergency when it comes.
As usual, …read more

– In Similar News, People Who Can’t Throw Have Hard Time Making Professional Baseball Teams –
The folks at MSNBC are all over this breaking employment trend: If you don’t have computer skills, you may have a more difficult time finding a job.
I haven’t been this surprised since I found out there’s never been a fat person who held the world record in the pole vault.
Go figure.
The need for computer skills may come as a surprise to you if you work for the city of Zanesville, Ohio. Here’s Sharon Newton’s story:
After working for the city of Zanesville, Ohio, for 27 …read more

– U.S. City Was First City Eliminated From Contention As Europeans Diss Obama, Support Polanski –
The International Olympic Committee didn’t even make the pretense of giving Chicago serious consideration for the Olympics as the city was eliminated in the first round even before Tokyo and it’s bat-shit crazy governor who thinks the world’s going to come to an end after the 2016 Olympics.
The worst part about the committee eliminating Chicago is now we’ll have to hear a bunch of Republicans and talk-radio dudes spin this as some kind of failure on the part of President Obama or a reason to …read more

– Gargantuan Agency Would Help Gov’t Achieve Economies of Scale in Inefficiency, Corruption –
Senator Chris Dodd (D-CT-Sweet Housing Deal) wants to create a super-regulator for banks in an effort to focus government inefficiencies and corruption in one huge agency.
The Senator said, “We clearly need to put in place an architecture that restores confidence and makes people feel that when they engage in financial activities … they can have confidence in the system. On the other side of this, I don’t want to strangle business.”
Dodd went on to clarify his statement saying he didn’t want to strangle business but rather just …read more

– …And He’ll Think Of A Hundred Reasons Why You Should Keep Giving Him Fish, And Could You Make That Sea Bass If It’s Not Too Much Trouble? –
Why is it every government forecast is like a drunken bar bet?
Having the government try to estimate anything is a complete waste of time. It’s like you, after your third pitcher of beer, betting your fat friend he can’t eat seven Whoppers and offering to pay him 50 bucks for every burger he eats over that limit.
And then your buddy eats 23 freakin’ Whoppers.
Which brings us to the $8000 …read more