We mentioned the other day how Pope Benedict XVI will be saying Mass (*holds tongue and refrains from making anti-Yankees joke*) at Yankee Stadium tomorrow.

And who else but Hank Steinbrenner would make sure to tell him to keep off the grass? Not just His Holiness. Everyone else, too, has to steer clear of the sacred ground where Hideki Matsui and Johnny Damon retrieve fly balls.

Devoted reader Caesar was good enough to share a philosophical post inspired by the no-grass stipulation that poses the question, Which Steinbrenner is More Outrageous? (A case can be made for both, but we think George’s offspring might have the edge).

While we’re in the mood to pick on Hank, here’s a little something-something Red Sox Nation (31s) airs during Sox games in response to Steinbrenner’s dismissive remarks about the team’s fandom last month:

You know how the “house” always wins at the casino? And how, luck and (sometimes) skill aside, the “little people” don’t really have a chance?

Playing the role of the “house” today is Hideki Matsui of the New York Yankees (Bobby Abreu serves as understudy). Derek Jeter is stepping into the role of the “little people.”

That roundabout analogy describes a bet among the trio of Yanks: Who would tie the knot first? The first to take the pledge till death do us part collects cash from the other two.

Matsui won (he made an altar run the other day). And if we were Jeter, we’d run to the nearest mirror and check for a “Kick Me” sign on our backside. Seriously, Matsui and Abreu had to know this was easy money for one of them.

What are the chances your going to lose to someone whose playboy reputation is a pop culture wink? Remember that Derek Jeter-George Steinbrenner Visa ad that “ended” their feud about the shortstop’s partying ways?

And to think, all those trips to Sin City and he still doesn’t know how to gamble. Apparently it’s true that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas . . .

The last few days have been quite a windfall for New York Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner.

The other day he yapped about the concept of Red Sox Nation being “a bunch of [waste product originating from a bull].” Following that, Boston Red Sox principal owner John Henry granted him membership into said concept identified as a bunch of waste product originating from a bull (i.e., Red Sox Nation).

And now, our pal Hank’s lucky streak continues. Check out the story below, undercovered by Frank Coffey and his coterie of top-notch investigative satirists journalists at eTrueSports.com.

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 Steinbrenner Will Receive “Idiot Son of the Year” Award

“If You Just Keep Opening Your Mouth Good Things Will Happen”

 Crawford, TX - The New York Yankees’ Hank Steinbrenner will receive The American Sterilization Society’s “Idiot Son of the Year Award” at the group’s annual gala to be held this year in Crawford, TX. “I dreamed this day would come,” said Steinbrenner, “but, to be honest, I never imagined it would happen so quickly. I guess this proves that if you just keep opening your mouth, good things will happen. I’m thrilled.”

“Hank Steinbrenner is the embodiment of what we are all about,” said an  American Sterilization Society (A.S.S.) spokesman.

The prestigious ISY (“eye-see”) award will be presented by James Dolan, major domo of the NBA’s New York Knickerbockers, and himself the son of a successful (and proud) father, mega-mogul Charles Dolan, owner of Cablevision.  

“Hank and I are kindred spirits,” said Dolan, Jr. in a written statement, “this is extremely cool.”

Steinbrenner’s father, George Steinbrenner, known as “The Boss” was well known for his headline-grabbing quotes, including this now iconic pearl: “Some guys can lead through genuine respect, I’m not that kind of leader.”

This week, The Boss’s son did his father proud when he told The New York Times Play magazine: “(America) is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

“I’m a big Hank fan,” said Red Sox owner John Henry in a telephone interview with eTrueSports, “he’s truly deserving of the ISY Award.”

We HEART doing this kind of post! You know, the kind when someone make a complete and total horse’s posterior of themselves without any help. Case in point: New York Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner, who proves in the following quote that

(a) He is as much of a jerk, and possibly more so, than his ol’ man George;

(b) Quotes like this are the reason people love to hate the Yankees; and

(c) The Yanks are a smidge bitter about the Red Sox “reversing the curse” in recent years.

Straight from the mouth of the ass . . . Oops, wrong animal! We meant horse:

“Red Sox Nation?” What a bunch of [expletive] that is,” he said in an interview with The New York Times’ Play magazine. “That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans. . . . Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

A Yankee country? No one’s called it that since the Union won the Civil War. Even Steinbrenner Sr. isn’t old enough to remember those days. (We think).

Even though we are more or less “that Boston fan” and none-too-shy about our disdain for the New York Yankees, we’ve always had a soft spot for Joe Torre. In fact, next to Bill Belichick (we’re wearing “the hoodie” as we type), the erstwhile Yankees skipper is one of our all-time fave coaches.

CNBC’s “Conversations with Michael Eisner” will feature a one-hour interview with Torre on Monday, February 25 at 9pm (EST). For a sneak peak, check out these two clips (which we’d embed if we could):

Joe Torre on Barry Bonds . . . who was “scary” even when he was “skinny.” Is anyone else having trouble picturing a less-than-tanklike-Bonds? Evidently there was a “before.” (1m, 4s)

Joe Torre on Crankypants George Steinbrenner . . . who lacks the punch of the old days but still knows how to holler like a son-of-a-gun. (Which reminds me, as an asdie, who exactly is a son of a gun and what reason has he to yell?). (52s)

If we’re really lucky, Eisner will bring up A-Rod and Torre will ‘fess up as to whether the guy’s as big a pain-in-the-tush as pretty much every baseball fan perceives him to be.