But no, Warney is fair dinkum Aussie through-and-through and will take a plate of shrimps and a couple of cold ones before any phallic-shaped pork substances.

And why not.

For more humourous plays on words on the issue, such as “herr replacement” such, have a gander at The Googly.

* Far be it from me to comment on football (or soccer as some weirdos might call it), but this seems like a rule from which football, or at least football in England, could really benefit.

Post from: EveryJoe

Streuth, Adolf Warne

England got pounded in to the ground by a rampaging Indian batting attack, that kept going all the way down to number 11. The highlight of the day was the maiden test century, after 118 matches, for Anil Kumble, scoring a delightful 110* to give India a massive 664. Any hopes that England might have had of levelling the series with a win here have been totally dashed and sadly it’s now a case of doing their best to avoid 2-0. That means England must bat for 3 days, a feat that seems well beyond the grip of the current England batsmen.

Matt Prior came in for yet more abuse from all and sundry. After dropping Tendulkar yesterday with a diving attempt to his right and, as a result, having the outcome of the match, not to mention his fledgling career, called in to question, he unfortunately did himself no favours by repeating the mistake, early on day 2. This time it was VVS Laxman and a diving attempt, away to his right, to which he went one-handed. What’s worse than dropping a catch like that is when it was destined to plop neatly in to first slip’s hand. Instead, it dribbled away to the boundary for four and Sidebottom was deprived another wicket.

In this instance, Prior was in the wrong but it’s not surprising that he was looking to assert himself after the amount of shtick he got the previous day. The commentators and journalists collectively remarked that the debate over the England wicket-keeper was likely to be reignited, failing to realise that they themselves were the catalyst. Derek Pringle in particular, seems to have forgotten what happens on a cricket field in suggesting that Prior would be having difficulty absolving himself of the guilt. Guilt? I’m sorry? Guilt should never have a place on a cricket field and anyone who has played the game knows what it is like to drop a catch – and it is the duty of everyone else to bring your head up, to help them you move passed it and give you the courage to take the next chance. If Prior was indeed struggling on day 2, it was only as a result of people like Pringle getting the claws in at the very first available opportunity. Prior was also lambasted for letting through 33 byes. Judging by some of the mush that England’s “bowlers” were chucking down, it should have been considerably more. Did anyone not see Kevin Pietersen’s first delivery? A ball which pitched around middle, turned and Prior took it a good couple of foot outside leg stump. Commentators were silent.

And where is Andrew Strauss’ abuse? So he has just fielded for a day (but his night watchman replacement James Anderson, who had also fielded for a day, not to mention bowling 40 overs managed it), but he is a specialist batsmen and his only job was to bat for 8 overs and set up day 3. But he couldn’t even manage that, holing out to another hook-gone-wrong. Strauss is a considerably more senior player than Prior, who is still on the back of a run of bad form, scoring few runs. Yet Ian Botham dismissed it as “bad form” and all he needs is some time in the middle. Why was Prior not afforded a similar reprieve? Arguably Strauss’ lack of concentration will be more expensive than Prior’s indiscretions.

England’s bowlers toiled as best they could, but with Sidebottom suffering a sidestrain, Vaughan turned to the likes of KP. I have always felt that if you have to turn to a “part-time” bowler for any significant number of overs, then there has been an error in selection. KP had 6 overs for 40 odd, although did somehow manage to displace a combusting Dhoni. But it was Kumble’s (and not Tendulkar, or Laxman or Dhoni) day. On a final note on the Prior saga – if a batting card reads like the Indian’s does – that is, everyone scoring runs all the way down to number 11 (Sree Santh scored 32), then you can’t pin that on any one person.

As it stands, England need to bat for 3 days. They have 19 wickets. Now would be a great time for Cook to find some form and a maiden test century for Jimmy Anderson. But on a deteoriating wicket, with a swinging and turning ball, with the likes of Zaheer Khan and Anil Kumble to do the bowling, 2-0 is looking a likely outcome. I just hope Prior isn’t hung out to dry for it.

Post from: EveryJoe

Scapegoating can’t save England now

Matt Prior dropped Sachin Tendulkar on 20, missing a catch away to his right. Tendulkar is now not out on 48, so the drop has so far cost the side 28 (out of 316 scored on Day 1). Yet already, the hair is down and the gloves are off, Matt Prior takes the brunt for a lacklustre English display on a flat, slowish Oval batting track.

Derek Pringle writing for the Telegraph is particularly scathing – England made to rue Matt Prior mistake:

The edge flew to Prior’s right, but instead of taking a step and then the catch, his feet remained rooted to the spot… It was a bad miss… Prior’s footwork is poor on either side and even ignoring the catches he has fluffed, he has conceded more than 100 byes this summer…

Other commentators paint similar pictures that moreorless hand the entire day’s misery to the gloves of Matt Prior.

For starters, I would never classify the dropped catch as a regulation chance. Any catch where you’re diving at full stretch is not regulation. Secondly, he went with both gloves which is the first thing you are told as a young wicket-keeper. It seems likely that had he gone with just his right hand he would have caught it and would have been hailed a hero. (Of course, had he dropped it with one hand, he would have been berated for not going with both hands.) We have seen much easier chances go down, and they rarely raise up such a shitstorm. And finally, the drop in real terms has so far cost just 28 runs. That still leaves some 290 runs scored by the other Indian batsmen as a result of both good batting and uninspired bowling.

To heap such pressure on Prior is symptomatic of the way the English cricket system is working (failing?) at the moment. He has already received criticism for his constant chatter, but funnily enough there were no such criticisms when he was scoring centuries, nor when it seemed the question over the English wicket-keeper which has been a farce for so long had finally been answered.

And to heap criticism on him for the number of byes he has let through is outright ridiculous when you consider how many of them came from a genuine mistake as opposed to those that went pinging down 6 foot outside the leg stump from the consistently wayward bowling.

Sure, plenty of people have leapt to his defence, but in my opinion that should not be necessary, because criticism in this vein should never have been levelled at him in the first place. The perceived importance of the drop has been heightened due to it being Tendulkar which is wrong – Tendulkar is a shadow of his former self and is not scoring the sort of runs that made him so famous. A more important drop would have been Dravid or Ganguly.

In fact, we will only be able to gauge how important the drop was tomorrow, after we find out if Tendulkar goes on to make a big score. But it’s a no-win situation for Prior – he has already dropped the catch – so even if Tendulkar gets out first ball tomorrow morning he’s still had the spotlight for the wrong reasons. Should Tendulkar go on to score a hundred, then Prior will get the blame for England losing the series.

It’s hard enough being an England wicket-keeper without the barrage of garbage that come from these people. Judge first, think second.

Here’s to Prior winning this game for England and giving a big one fingered salute to all the doubters.

Post from: EveryJoe

Oh dear God – is it any wonder?

Watch the video, and decide for yourself:

What do you think? I still believe, as I concluded at the time, that it genuinely slipped out. Unless Sree is a phenomenal actor, his apology seems real. KP is stunned, rightly, but it’s also clear that Vaughan wasn’t so sure it was an accident.

Compare the reactions of the commentators, though: Nasser Hussein (above), versus Mark Nicholas and Geoffrey Boycott (below), both of whom laugh and describe it as funny:

It just goes to show how convoluted and out of whack the whole situation got. Jelly beans on the pitch was supposed to be funny and got taken very seriously whereas people bowling beamers is funny. I’m not convinced.

Post from: EveryJoe

85mph at your head = funny?

Elsewhere, some serious argy-bargy occurred between Kevien Pietersen and Zaheer Khan, after Khan noticed jelly beans appearing on the pitch whilst he was batting. Having cleared one off the pitch, more turned up, convincing him it wasn’t an accident. He then gestured toward KP, raising his bat in protest. KP didn’t back down and returned some verbals.

Such behaviour shouldn’t exist in any level of cricket, and that it is happening at the highest level is pathetic. There’s a difference between being competitive and cheating. Allegations that Santh was intentionally trying to injure KP are a little far-fetched, but England players putting jelly beans on the pitch in a bid to distract Khan is stupid behaviour from a team incapable of playing proper cricket. Fortunately, Khan was able to let his game speak for itself (despite brandishing his bat towards the England slip cordon), in scoring some useful runs and then taking a match-winning 5fer in England’s second innings. Such childish behaviour took the gloss off some otherwise thrilling cricket, including runs from Tendulkar and Vaughan and bowling from Sidebottom and Khan.

I sincerely hope that the event is investigated thoroughly and that any players found guilty of throwing jelly beans at the Indian players be properly reprimanded for bringing the game in to disrepute.

Post from: EveryJoe

Jellybeangate

Either way, it feels like the final nail in the coffin for a man whose career sadly slipped in to almost farce in recent years, as he fell out of form, was WI captain, wasn’t captain, was captain, wasn’t captain and… when he finally left he did so with a modicum of dignity.

Sure, he will always be remembered as one of, if not the, greatest batsmen of all times, which further begs the question why he is risking it all to join something which can only turn out at best another Kerry Packer World Series Cricket, or at worst rebel tour of South Africa.

It doesn’t make much sense to me.

Post from: EveryJoe

Lara to totally bugger his career

One curious thing caught my attention, though, and that is, if a 10 over match (i.e., a Twenty20 already reduced to 10 overs per side) is further interrupted by rain, then it is possible for Messrs Duckworth and Lewis can be called in to action, on the proviso that 5 overs have been faced. 5 overs! This means that a 1st class match in a real competition with a trophy and everything not to mention (assuming the same rules apply) the International Twenty20 cup, we could realistically have matches, which spectators have paid real money to come and watch, decided in a mere 30 balls per side. This could theoretically represent between 50p-£1 per ball for the spectator, which isn’t likely to represent good value for money in anyone’s book.

Of course it’s never just as simple as just postponing the game to another day, considering how hectic the schedule already is. But there has to be a balance between playing at all costs and maintaining the integrity of the game. Or maybe this is the balance? What do you think?

Post from: EveryJoe

5 over game = legitimate?

Actually, it’s very well deserved.

Post from: EveryJoe

Sir Beefy

Now, I’m no expert, but it seems fairly obvious to me that saying a death is murder is a pretty serious thing and that you only say it if you’re absolutely, 100%, completely and utterly, no mistakes, this-IS-how-it-IS sure. To spark a murder investiation, to cause further pain and heartache to friends and family and all the other negative things that have happened is a big fat no-no. The fact that the claim was made in a high profile case like this has not helped matters at all, but it seems likely that the career of the Doctor who made the claims (Dr Ere Seshaiah) is effectively over.

About the only positive side to this ridiculous investigation is that things are gradually getting closer to some sort of conclusion which will finally allow the saga to be put to bed. I just hope Pakistan don’t get their knickers in a twist again and try and sue somebody for being questioned as part of the investigation.

—UPDATE—

And yes – after the press release came, that actually Woolmer was not murdered, Imran Khan was out in the news saying how the PCB should sue somebody, anybody over the indignation of being suspected of the murder. Ridiculous.

I hate being right.

Post from: EveryJoe

Woolmer: Not murdered?

The guts of the problem are in the comments Vaughan made about Freddie and the “pedalo incident” where Vaughan said that following Fredalogate, in which Fred was stripped of the captaincy and the whole team got a public ear-bashing, it was impossible for any team spirit to flourish and that was the cause of England’s poor showing in the World Cup. The point obviously is not that England performed so poorly in the World Cup, it is in fact that Vaughan is seen to be slagging off Freddie in public which is, obviously, a huge no-no. Despite his recent lack of form, injuries and misdemeanours, Freddie is still King Freddie in the eyes of most Englishmen. Amusingly enough, the BBC elevated Fred even beyond “King” level with some presumably unintentional capitalisation, when quoting Vaughan talking about England cricket’s apparent saviour:

“We move on, He’s looking forward to playing cricket and getting back in the England team. We need him in the England cricket team.”

Was Vaughan out of order? Probably. Should we really care? Not really. Has anything been said that everyone wasn’t already thinking? Of course not. Should this whole fiasco never have been allowed to surface? Absolutely.

The irony of this situation which is apparently lost on everyone is that this is precisely the sort of bad press that surrounded England in the World Cup, exactly the sort of bad press that Vaughan was referring to in destroying England’s team spirit, and yet here we are again in exactly the same position days before England are due to start a test match against the West Indies. On the back of a convincing win against in the 2nd test, with new players, new management, new joys and success absolutely the last thing that the England, team and camp needed was to have something like this bandied about the press – that it has happened is the truly despicable thing.

Post from: EveryJoe

The Irony Of It All