World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

WWE Championship Match
HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

ECW Championship Match
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Number One Contenders Match
Batista vs. JBL

Women’s Championship Match
Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Rey Mysterio’s Mask is on the line in this match-up
Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE No Mercy Card

JBL pins CM Punk and will fight for the Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam.
Shawn Michaels might quit wrestling to be with his family.

Segment Five
After Layla inexplicably writhes around seductively for a few minutes William Regal rudely interrupts her. Before he can tell us how he’s King Jamie Noble rushes into the ring to attack him and win Layla’s love. Regal is about twice his size. What was the point of that?

Segment Six
The next match is the CM Punk – JBL - Y2J handicap match “(Mike) Adamle Original.” Shouldn’t the World Heavyweight champ be headlining Monday Night RAW? Adamle adds a nice twist to the match by limiting the match to ten minutes. If there’s no pin in ten then the three will fight a Triple Threat at SummerSlam. Anything to make JBL less boring and harder working is fine by me.

After JBL beats Punk up for two minutes Y2J tosses JBL into the stairs and has his own few minutes to thrash the champ. The match has currently gone four minutes without Punk landing one successful attacking move. Y2J hits a flying elbow. Match is half-way through. Punk still hasn’t done anything.

He finally hits two offensive moves but at that point JBL stops his short period of success. Punk has no capitalized on his opponents’ in-fighting. He’s now doing pretty well and is using the two against each other. He catches JBL with a Got To Sleep but can’t get the pin. One minute left and Y2J lands a Walls of Jericho in the middle of the ring.

JBL breaks the move up with 20 seconds left. We’re counting down 10-9-8-7-6-5-4 and JBL flops onto the prone Punk pins him 1-2-3 or is it 3-2-1. This was a great entertaining match but CM Punk has proven to be a pathetic excuse for a champ. He got beat up badly for nine of the ten minutes and was pin by someone who had no idea of where he was.

Segment Seven
It’s a Shawn Michaels interview. He says he’s got severe eye damage, broken ribs, and countless other horrifically lingering injuries. This time he’s going to listen to the doctors and quit if they say quit. We will all know his decision (or the docs’ decision) at SummerSlam. He says he loves his family and might stop wrestling to be with them. Didn’t Brett Favre say something like that a few months ago?

Post from: EveryJoe

8/4/08 RAW Part Two: Shawn Michaels = Brett Favre?

Kofi Kingston def. Paul Birchill
Mickie James def. Katie Lea Birchill

Segment One
New GM Mike Adamle is getting some major heat! A lot more than I ever imagined…then he compares himself to Ronald Reagan and equates the Gipper’s work with Bonzo the chimp to announcing with Tazz. OK, he really compared Bonzo to calling Jeff Hardy Jeff Harvey. I like the Tazz comparison better.

It seems the inept one might be turning the crowd after announcing three title matches on tonight’s show. OK, this isn’t is bad. The first is Batista and John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. I guess that’s interesting.

Before he can announce another match JBL and Y2J join him in suits claiming they deserve title matches. Yap, yap, yap, yap. Debate, debate, debate, debate.

C’mon Adamle, take some control! This is getting out of hand. He gives a lame compromise: JBL and Y2J vs. CM Punk in a handicap match. If they win they get Punk at SummerSlam, lose then no title match at the Slam. The Adamle era is off to a blah start.

Segment Two
Kofi Kingston is facing Paul Birchill in a defense of the Intercontinental Title, the first of tonight’s championship bouts. Kofi’s impressive athleticism is on display from the get go with some great defensive leaps. Katie Lea Birchill goes ringside to taunt Kofi and Kingston aims a boot to her face which misses.

Kingston gains control of the match with a great series of power moves before he finishes Birchill off with his familiar series of closing moves which culminates with a Trouble in Paradise. Kofi has really stepped his game up and has grown into a good champion.

Segment Three
It’s now Katie Lea’s turn to lose a title match as Mickie James rushes into the ring to destroy the deliciously trashy Briton. James looks good with a Neckbreaker and finally earns the pin after hitting a nice Mickie-DT.

After the match Beth Phoenix blindsides the women’s champ indicating a thankful end to the James-Birchill feud and a restart to the rivalry between the WWE’s best two female grapplers. Good news.

Segment Four
Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix’s love affair is heating up with some TV-PG butt touching and in a post-match segment they discuss SummerSlam with Adamle and beg for title matches. Mike obliges them both: a tag team winner-take-all match between James and Kingston and Phoenix and Marella. Not great, but not bad.

Post from: EveryJoe

8/4/08 RAW Part One: Mike Adamle = Ronald Reagan?

Match Number Eight
Triple H vs. Edge

for the WWE Championship

Triple H Wins

A WWE phone poll says 55% have more sympathy for Edge while 45% side with Vickie. We can’t believe that many people are with Vickie. Really surprising. Another Eve Torres moment…

…

…

Where were we? Edge comes out with nearly as much greasy wet hair as his opponent. The greasy hair gap has been closed. Edge to Edge. The bell rings and Edge rushes at him with the intensity of a woman scorned. Triple H easily eschews his impetuousness and starts the assumed beat down.

The entire front row has turned away from the ring and is waving to the cameras. Tells you something about the excitement level of the match, no?

Edge gains control of the match after slamming HHH into the ringside stairs. He pounces on Triple H outside the ring and slams him into an announcer’s booth. Edge has HHH into a body scissors subsmission hold. We’re hoping somebody appears soon to liven to the match up be it Vickie, The Undertaker, or maybe both.

There’s been some good back and forth but little drama. There we go. Edge hits a nice DDT on HHH outside the ring. Nothing amps up the fun like a near double count out. Edge pushes the de-energized HHH into the ring and goes for the pin. 1-2 and not quite 3.

HHH catapults Edge into the turnbuckle and lands a DDT of his own. No pin though. HHH keeps favoring his ribs. Could he be on hiatus for a baby birth as well?

At this point both men are woozy. HHH eludes a rushing spear and then another countering the last with a Double Edge Spine Buster. He can’t finish him with the Pedigree though. Now Edge is going for a debilitating Superplex. Success. But as Mrs. JandG explains, “That move is stupid, it hurts them both equally.”

Alicia Fox a/k/a The Wedding Planner rushes to the ring and grabs the belt. She’s followed by Vickie Guerrero and those two engage in a heated cat fight. Edge looks to break it up and lands a vicious spear on his wife. Edge is in shock and Triple H capitalizes. He lands a Pedigree and pins Edge. Night over about fifteen minutes early. We wonder, did Triple H hurt his ribs and ask for the match to end? Hard to say.

***

Match Number Seven
John Cena vs. JBL

in a NYC Parking Lot Brawl

JBL Wins

OK, so it’s not exactly a parking lot, it’s more like the bowels of the Nassau Coliseum. JBL is armed with a crowbar and wearing a dress shirt and tie. Thank heavens we don’t have to see his boobies. This match is in no way live.

JBL is searching everywhere for Cena who is in the driver’s seat of of Lincoln which hurtles into the Ford JBL is standing on. Product placement. Cena jumps at JBL armed with jumper cables which he attaches to JBL’s privates and connects to the car’s battery. Electric relaxation!

Cena’s next implement of destruction is a beer keg which he smashes into a car window. JBL escapes to the front seat where Cena slams his head into the wheel numerous times.

JBL lands his first successful move when he slams Cena into a car door which promptly breaks off. Mama JandG says “He should body slam him into the limousine’s bull horns.” My mom has some kind of imagination. She continues, “Cindy Rowe (a Harrisburg-area auto glass repair shop) is going to make out with this match!”

JBL’s attempts to pin Cena are unsuccessful so he grabs a crowbar and begins smashing windows. He puts Cena into the back seat of a Ford and grabs a gasoline container from his limo. He pours the fuel onto the Ford, pops open his zippo, and lights the car on fire. WWE employees immediately appear with fire extinguishers.

Cena jumps out of the car refreshed. He puts JBL in another Ford and hops onto a forklift. He’s carrying the car into the ring! This match is finally going to happen with a live audience. The painful silence is over. Thank heavens. The bout was live after all.

This match has been all flash with little reward. Cena looks up to the clock to make sure he can end it. He hits a five knuckle shuffle but before he hits the STFU JBL tosses him into the car’s windshield which immediately shatters. JBL pins the, um, shattered Cena. This bout was a stupid cartoon imitation of a wrestling match and not nearly as interesting as it might read. May they never fight again. Please. Worst match of the night. Mrs. JandG says “Stink-O-Rama.”

Both fighters look visibly hurt, probably just cuts from the windshield glass.

***

Match Number Six
CM Punk vs. Batista

for the World Heavyweight Championship

Double Disqualification because Kane interferes; Punk retains title.

So you’re telling me that the World Heavyweight Championship gets a lower billing than the Cena-JBL non-title match? Or is that match not happening? And why is Punk coming out first? Isn’t he the title holder? No respect at all.

This match is definitely a make or break match for Punk. I don’t think it’s going to happen. Mama JandG concurs, “If that little guy beats Batista then something’s up.”

Papa JandG says “Punk’s going to win this. I’m telling you.” This is a contentious house. So far the match’s action feels awfully forced and pretty unrealistic. Batista lands a powerful suplex and now has Punk in a Camel Clutch. Batista looks like he is enjoying beating Punk up. Mama JandG is also enjoying the match, “That Batista sure is put together!”

The Animal goes for the Batista Bomb but is too close to the ropes. Punk is on the move now and hits Batista with a kick to the side of the head. 1-2 and not quite 3. The Animal kicks out. Punk almost land another fall after splashing Batista from the top rope. Batista then counters and almost takes the Straight Edge One down.

Batista’s next move is a vicious clothesline and things are getting good now. The action is outside the ring. Batista has Punk hurt and pushes him into the ring for the easy pin but Kane interferes, choke slams Punk, and the ref ends the match with a double DQ.

Kane again mutters “Is he alive or is he dead?” before ruthlessly knocking out a cameraman with a swift boot. He leaves the ring area where Heavyweight Champ Punk is still reeling with a bloody mouth. The Animal re-enters the ring and lands a convincing Batista Bomb. Punk can’t keep the title for much longer. He’s proving to be a boy amongst men.

***

Match Number Five
Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

for the SmackDown Divas Championship

Michelle McCool Wins

How do you follow an epic, bloody match between two veteran hall of famers? That’s right. A WWE Divas match. Natalya has McCool in a really cool looking move called a Surfboard. Mrs. JandG remarks, “That Michelle McCool is awfully flexible.” Um, um, what do you say to that?

Natalya puts McCool into a Sharpshooter but McCool is able to get the the ropes. McCool gets Natalya into a Brazilian heel hook and the Anvil’s daughter taps out far too soon. The wrong person won.

After the match Eve Torres enters the ring dressed in a stunning short yellow dress. But before I can ogle any more Chris Jericho disrupts the night’s most perfect moment by announcing that Shawn Michaels has a detached retina and is done. Hasn’t Y2J received an advance copy of Four Kings? Doesn’t he know that Sugar Ray Leonard fought like a dozen fights with that same injury? Evidently not. This feud is not over.

***

Match Number Four
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Chris Jericho Wins

It’s the match we’ve all been waiting for! So soon in the broadcast? Jericho enters the ring with a very intimidating vest. HBK comes in in all orange and a cowboy hat. Has his eye healed? They stare down as if they’re in love for about 15 seconds. It’s on.

Michaels is already grabbing his ribs as if he is hurt. What a faker! HBK quickly puts Y2J into a figure four leg lock. The match is all about the throwback. Jericho hits a great drop kick off the second rope and then grabs his knee. Mama JandG says “These guys are real complainers.” She continues “Can you imagine how sweaty Shawn is in those leather pants?” No we can’t.

This match is already living up to our expectations. Both competitors have landed a series of terrific moves. The momentum is building at a wonderfully steady pace. Y2J hits a Walls of Jericho but it looks like HBK is going to get to the ropes. He does.

Near fall after HBK nails Y2J with a powerful forearm. He’s now traveled to the top rope. Y2J sprints over to the ropes, shaking HBK’s vitals down onto the turnbuckle. Shawn looks to be turning purple. They’re now grappling from the top of the turnbuckle. HBK kicks him off and hits an elbow to Jericho’s heart. Instead of the pin he amps up the crowd.

Lance Cade tries to interfere but HBK easily disposes of him. There are two neat counters from both wrestlers which almost result in pins. Michaels then does a backflip FROM THE TOP ROPE onto Cade and Jericho who are standing outside of the ring. Wowee zowee.

HBK’s eye has been split open and is bleeding profusely! Jericho sees it and goes on the attack. The spewing blood is making for great drama. The ref wants to stop the match but Michaels is too much of a man.

Y2J headbutts the cut and punches the cut. He’s gleefully inflicting injury. The camera zooms in on HBK’s face and we’re straining to find the gash. HBK is in a bad way. He’s hanging on for dear life grabbing onto the front of Jericho’s trunks. The ref puts an end to the action; Michaels’ eye has been through too much.

The medical staff comes in to help Michaels but curiously they do not wipe the blood off his face or tend to the cut. Great match but I wish they would have let it go on.

***

Match Number Three
Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer

for the ECW Championship

Mark Henry Wins

Big big surprises so far. Two title changes in two huge upsets. This pay-per-view has had a terrific start…until now. Mark Henry enters the ring with Tony Atlas. Tommy Dreamer follows with Colin Delaney.

Mr. Jabandgrapple’s mom starts laughing hysterically. “That guy is so big. He’s like a brick wall!” Announcer Tazz announces “Mark Henry is a brick wall.” Eerie. So eerie.

Mama JandG continues “This is so hard to watch. Mark Henry looks like he is breaking his arm. Why isn’t Dreamer screaming in pain? Scream, Dreamer, scream!”

The room breaks into audible Nooooo! as Henry looks to flop onto Dreamer. Tommy eludes him at the last second. Tommy Dreamer seems like he is in control on the top rope. He lets out a Tarzan scream and is going to finish Henry off.

But no! Colin Delaney double crosses his mentor, grabs Dreamer’s arm and the ECW original goes flying into the canvas. Henry pins him easily as Delaney walks off with snarly self satisfaction. We didn’t see that twist coming.

***

Match Number Two
Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

for the United States Championship

Shelton Benjamin Wins

This match was not announced! We are pleasantly delighted. This one is for the technical wrestling fans. These two fought a few weeks ago in an underwhelming SmackDown match. Let’s hope this one is an improvement.

There’s been a lot of holds. Hardy has spent most of the time outside the ring and/or in pain. Benjamin continues the punishment. He’s clearly going to lose.

Shelton has Matt in a submission hold and the crowd is chanting for a Hardy resurrection. I yell at Papa Jabandgrapple to “watch the match and stop doing a crossword puzzle!” Mrs. JandG says “This match is painfully boring, you can’t force it on anyone.”

I say, “But what about Benjamin’s terrific kick out of nowhere that just happened and Hardy’s super body slam and resulting leg drop from the top rope?”

“Not enough, but Gold Standard’s catch of Hardy and toss into the turnbuckle was pretty cool.”

Hardy’s had two 2 7/8 near falls and the match is picking up. Hardy goes for a moonsaw and Benjamin catches him in the face with his knees. The Gold Standard then hits a Paydirt and Hardy is out. 1-2-3 pin. New United States Champion.

***

Match Number One
Miz and Morrison vs. Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. Jesse and Festus vs. Ryder and Hawkins

in a WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal Four Way

Ryder and Hawkins Win

This opening match surprises me. I thought Mark Henry would be starting this one off. The bell rings, Festus goes crazy and everyone clears the ring…except Hornswaggle. The little leprechaun flies out of the ring and now The Miz is facing the Of Mice and Men lead character.

Hawkins and Ryder have just made their first entry in the ring on an unintentional tag for Morrison. The fun has just nosedived as the Edgeheads pound and hold.

There are far too many tags for me to keep up with by the way. Morrison does an attractive leap over the top rope to fell Finlay. Miz and Morrison have become a terrific tag team and really deserve this win. Finlay almost pins Ryder but Miz and Morrison break the fall. Ryder then almost pins Finlay but Hornswaggle breaks it up. Will there be a pin tonight?

Indeed there is. Miz and Morrison enter the ring too quickly to break up a Festus pin of Hawkins. Hawkins then pulls Jesse into the ring, pins him, and gains the WWE Tag Team Title. Mrs. Jabandgrapple is disgusted. She says, “I hate when mediocrity is rewarded!” We have to agree.

***

Not even a Pennsylvania summer thunder storm can stop me. www.jabandgrapple.com’s internet coverage was out until 7:56 p.m. but it’s on now! The Great American Bash live blog is about to begin.

Post from: EveryJoe

Great American Bash 2008 Live Blog

***

Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer

for the ECW Championship
I have more of a chance joining the WWE writing staff than Dreamer has of winning the ECW championship. Henry should take him down with his typical ennui-inducing ring power act. expect a lot of sweat and lots of confident cackling from Henry and Tony Atlas.
Mr. JandG pick: Mark Henry
Mrs. Jand G pick: Mark Henry, unfortunately
Odds: Henry -9,900; Dreamer +9,900

Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

for the SmackDown Divas Championship
The most shocking news I read this week: Michelle McCool is dating The Undertaker. Are you kidding me? Some undead guys have all the luck.

Nevertheless, regular SmackDown viewers know that Natalya can wrestle! She would make for a great first SmackDown Divas champ and we’re really rooting for her to win this match tonight.
Mr. JandG pick: Natalya
Mrs. Jand G pick: Natalya because meanness trumps athletic and nimble.
Odds: McCool -150; Natalya +150

Miz and Morrison vs. Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. Jesse and Festus vs. Ryder and Hawkins

in a WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal Four Way
Who do I want to win? Miz and Morrison. Who do I think will win? I have a striking suspicion that The Miz and Morrison’s eight-month reign is coming to an end with new flavor of the month Jesse and Festus seizing the belt. But, as the Rock says, “It doesn’t matter.” I’m picking the Miz and Morrison although I think this match could get too chaotic for words.
Mr. JandG pick: Miz and Morrison
Mrs. Jand G pick: Miz and Morrison b/c they’re the only “real” tag team involved.
Odds: Miz and Morrison +100; Finlay and Hornswaggle +300; Jesse and Festus +400; Ryder and Hawkins +1,900

John Cena vs. JBL

in a NYC Parking Lot Brawl
Are these guys really fighting again? That means we’ve been blessed with these two in three of the past four pay-per-views. I remember their One Night Stand and Judgment Day bouts as their respective PPV’s worst. There’s no reason to expect this one to be any different even with its gimmicky set-up. I expect Cryme Tyme and DiBiase and Rhodes to work their way into the parking lot and wreak havoc but they’ll cancel each other out and Cena will prevail…again.
Mr. JandG pick: John Cena
Mrs. Jand G pick: John Cena b/c JBL is used to playing dirty but at the end of the day he’s not that smart.
Odds: John Cena -300; JBL +300

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

It’s safe to say that this is the match everyone is waiting for. The slow build-up to this feud between the WWE’s top two vets has been terrific. We’re expecting a repeat of their One Night Stand epic, a bout that currently makes the short list for match of the year. We shouldn’t be disappointed. I think Y2J wins with some Lance Cade-trickery and this feud continues, culminating in a SummerSlam rubber match
Mr. JandG pick: Chris Jericho
Mrs. Jand G pick: Shawn Michaels b/c everyone’s waiting for his grand resurrection.
Odds: Y2J -110; HBK +110

Triple H vs. Edge

for the WWE Championship
There are so many ways this storyline can go. I would love to see a prolonged Edge – Triple H with its resulting sleeping-with-the-boss in jokes but considering the Vickie-Edge breakup it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. There has been a lot of speculation about The Undertaker returning here but I’m not getting my hopes up. Still, my pick is for Edge to win and his HHH feud to continue although my head tells me that Triple H will win because he always does. And because Edge has no one to help him.
Mr. JandG pick: Edge
Mrs. Jand G pick: Triple H. But I have no idea; It’s above my pay scale. Have to side with experience.
Odds: Triple H -200; Edge +200

CM Punk vs. Batista

for the World Heavyweight Championship
Punk has been awful uninspiring since earning the title. He hasn’t stepped up his ring presence or his microphone skills. Batista, on the other hand, carries himself with the air of a champion. However, I think CM Punk deserves a chance to prove himself and he doesn’t lose his title until SummerSlam.
Mr. JandG pick: CM Punk
Mrs. Jand G pick: Batista b/c there’s been too many references lately to him being a “former champion.” That ends tonight.
Odds: Batista -150; CM Punk +150

Post from: EveryJoe

Great American Bash 2008 Predictions

Last night’s Monday Night Raw had a pleading message from Shane McMahon, a big time title change, a title rematch, a touching tribute to a local legend, the imposition of martial law, and the overarching theme of anarchy. Why anarchy? Well, what RAW didn’t have was a GM given Mr. McMahon’s “tragic accident”.

As a result the inmates ran the asylum. And how do the RAW inmates run their Oklahoma City asylum? They prefer comedy skits, long stretches on the microphone, and as little wrestling as possible. As far as wrestling and results go there is precious little to report today. Drama and storyline on the other hand…

The night’s epic introduction began with a terrific going away tribute to announcer Jim Ross; RAW was taking place in his home state of Oklahoma. He called Jerry “The King” Lawler his “older brother” and said how much he’d miss him. As the Wrestlemania XXIV tribute to Ric Flair proved, the WWE does tributes well and JR’s was no exception.

Lest the night get too mushy, Edge appeared in the ring to bust up the feel-good vibe with a few choice bbq and blog-related insults. But his penalty for breaking up the JR love-fest was very very harsh. Batista attacked the Rated-R Superstar and Batista Bombed him to oblivion. At that point CM Punk cashed in his Money in the Bank contract, pinned Edge, and won the WWE Heavyweight Title.

RAW got its title back but at what cost? It’s two title holders are the unlikely pair of CM Punk and Kofi Kingston. It has the less prestigious of the two major titles, it lost the number one announcer Jim Ross, and at this point RAW feels like #2 in the brand hierarchy. CM Punk is not a flagship I’m sailing with.

The next segments brought a lackluster Divas match (Mickie James pinned Jillian) a talk-off between Santino Marella and Rey Mysterio, and a “I double-dare you to please please fight me” message from JBL to CM Punk. Next up to grab the stage was John Cena who told us how great his match was last night. He also wants to fight CM Punk. Who wouldn’t?

JBL then appeared and declared martial law via his hired security team. JBL might understand money but political science is not his forte. Only an empowered military force can declare martial law and JBL’s thugs do not meet this requirement.

RAW had now been on for one hour and twenty minutes with NO MEN’S MATCHES. This had to be some sort of record. Finally we got a thirty-second long DiBiase-Rhodes tag team match. After the annoying, pesky, grappling Rhodes and DiBiase talked for about five minutes.

Would a match ever happen? Finally with twenty minutes left in the show Kofi Kingston faced Y2J in an Intercontinental Title rematch. Keeping with the night’s loquacious theme, Y2J opening soliloquy lasted longer than what should have been an entertaining match. It absurdly ended when Y2J was disqualified for pulling Kingston’s shorts too high and America caught a glimpse of Kofi’s butt crack.

When the JBL-CM Punk started Mrs. Jabandgrapple said, “It’s already 10:55 p.m., how are they going to have a match?” I countered, “Five minute match it is then.” And it was. Nevertheless those five minutes were more wrestling time than the rest of RAW’s men’s matches combined! Who won? Nobody. JBL was DQ’d when his security force started scrapping with John Cena and Cryme Tyme.

What does this all mean? It means that Thomas Hobbes was wrong. Anarchy does not bring chaos. Man’s natural existence is not a brutish war against each other. In fact, anarchy brings peace, love, and lots of microphone time.

Post from: EveryJoe

6/30/08 Monday Night Raw: Anarchy Means No Fighting

Tonight is the WWE 2008 Draft (see photo of Draft Horses) and it couldn’t have come at a better time. RAW and SmackDown have descended into a long period of stagnation. Every week we get the same matches, the same winners, and the same losers. Things are changing tonight with a special three hour RAW. There have been no telling spoilers regarding the event and it seems not even the wrestlers themselves no if they are changing brands or not.

We’re not going to make any predictions but we are going to make a list of ten changes we would like to see happen at the draft. Please comment below with your own thoughts or hopes. Not sure who is in which brand? The WWE.com has a fun flash game where you can move your favorite superstars from brand to brand. Just click to http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/wwedraft2008/fantasydraft/.

1. No more JBL vs. John Cena matches. Everyone is sick of boring matches these two give us what seem to be every week. The best way to stop them would be to move JBL to ECW purgatory.
2. Stop Umaga’s descent into a high-level jobber. When exactly was the last time Umaga won? Move him to SmackDown and throw him into the Big Show-Mark Henry-Kane big man brawl.
3. Give Natalya a good rival and competitor in the SmackDown Women’s Title hunt. Who better than Beth Phoenix? She’s lost far too many times to Mickie James to still be a viable RAW entity. She moves to SmackDown and she’s back to claim her rightly throne again.
4. Give MVP his wish and let him leave SmackDown. If you send him to RAW he’ll run into the same outside rut he’s in at SmackDown. Move him to ECW and let MVP be the big fish in a small pond.
5. Move Shelton Benjamin away from ECW. He’s been the Pro Wrestling Observer’s Most Underrated wrestler for three years running now. He’s not going to be facing Kane for the ECW title anytime soon. Move him back to RAW. He’s big and strong enough to fight their top level guys -John Cena, the Randy Orton, and Triple H – and if given another chance he could up his game.
6. Let some perennial losers have a chance to lose elsewhere. I guess this is the point of the draft, actually. Shuffle Snitsky, Chuck Palumbo, and Paul London.
7. Reunite the Hardy Boyz. Bring Jeff over to SmackDown. Let the magic happen again. The rainbow-haired warrior is much better suited to Friday nights anyway.
8. More high flyers to SmackDown just in time for the return of Rey Mysterio. If Jeff Hardy is coming over why not bring Kofi Kingston and/or Evan Bourne along with him?
9. Give RAW another Big Dog. Why not Batista? he hasn’t been there since 2005 and would give Triple H or Cena a great adversary. We haven’t seen those matches in a while.
10. More rough and tumble brawlers to RAW. We like the pair of the tested Finlay and the untested Bam Neely. How that would effect Hornswaggle and La Familia would be hard to tell but it would be fun.
BONUS Send Mike Adamle away. Far, far away.

That would leave the following influx:
To RAW: Batista, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Bam Neely, and Chuck Palumbo
To SmackDown: Jeff Hardy, Umaga, Kofi Kingston, Beth Phoenix, and Paul London
To ECW: JBL, MVP, and Snitsky

Your thoughts or wishes? Comment below!

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE 2008 Draft Tonight! Our Wish List and Preview

John Cena def. Umaga
No Million Dollar Giveaway and password at the show’s start? That’s good news. Instead we get Cena and HHH feuding in a Night of Champions promo. They’re really angry at each other but we’re happy the Million Dollar Mania isn’t the night’s focus. Can it continue? Vince McMahon breaks up their argument to announce the giveaway password – Watch Ray & Win – which is hardly a “password” at all. Oh, well.

Instead of Vince bumbling through the phone we immediately get a terrific “Street Fight” (no DQ’s) match between Umaga and John Cena. Cena finally seems fully recovered from his pectoral injury as evidenced by tonight’s high risk maneuvers, two attempts to lift Umaga, and the fact that he wasn’t fighting JBL for the 50th time since May. Once Umaga throws the steel stairs into the ring you know the match was over; those things are far too dangerous. Umaga’s recent losing streak has to mean one thing: he’s moving away from RAW next Monday at the Draft. This match and its setup take about 30 minutes and was a great start to RAW.

Can our good luck continue? Yes and no. Vince staggers again through dialing the digits, gives so MON-ay away to an excited man from Virginia Beach, and announces a WWE Divas bikini contest.

SCCCRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH.

That was the show’s momentum.

Image details: Spring 2008 – Around Smashbox – Day 4 served by picapp.com

Did I mind seeing the beautiful ladies? No, but there is no way Eve Torres should have lost to Maria. No reason whatsover.

This week the Million Dollar winners are interacting with Vince and seemed (gasp!) prepped ahead of time. A man from North Carolina responds to Vince’s ‘who is the greatest person to come out of the Tarheel State’ question with ‘Ric Flair’ much to McMahon’s disappointment. Evidently Vince was born in Pinehurst, N.Car.

Could the Nature Boy reference be foreshadowing tonight’s future events? I have my suspicions.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE RAW 6/16: Street Fights and Bikini Blowouts

Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed last night’s RAW. However, this month’s community blog post here at b5 media is “The Worst” so I’ll be scouring each match and segment on RAW to determine what was “The Worst”. I’ll also balance it with “The Best”.

Segment winners in italics. At the end of the article we’ll crown our definitive Worst and Best of the June 2 WWE Monday Night RAW.

SEGMENT #1
Triple H, John Cena, Jeff Hardy and Vince McMahon discuss who will face HHH at the Night of Champions.

The Worst Nominees: HHH’s theme music (always bad); HHH making fun of Randy Orton’s broken collarbone; Vince McMahon’s kooky and confusing memory loss gimmick.
The Best Nominees: John Cena’s great stage presence (bringing up Nostradamus, Dr. Emmett Brown, Miss Cleo, and John Edward); Jeff Hardy’s inclusion in the title shot contenders; The Jeff Hardy replica armbands that so many audience members are wearing.

SEGMENT #2
Mr. Kennedy def. Umaga
The Worst Nominees: Paul Birchill cowardly ducking Mr. Kennedy; Katie Lea Birchill’s velvet costume; Birchill’s predictable post-match sneak attack.
The Best Nominees: Kennedy calling William Regal a “little British pansy”; The “I Wish Katie Lea Was My Sister” sign; Lawler’s “Katie Lea must be a fast learner” comment.

SEGMENT #3
Vince McMahon announces his $1,000,000 plans
The Worst Nominees: Vince’s bad acting and disingenuous amazement at the look of $1M; Vince’s increasingly growly voice; The incorrect belief that people need free money to watch the WWE.
The Best Nominees: Vince’s saying that the contest winner had to be an American citizen and that that might be difficult here in Bakersfield, Calif.; Vince correctly calling the WWE a cross-section of America; Vince’s call to bring back past wrestling fans; The class warfare angle “those who insult wrestling don’t get it and look down on you”.

SEGMENT #4
Santino Marella and Carilto def. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes
The Worst Nominees: Non-title matches; Roddy Piper misuse as time keeper; Roddy Piper’s shirtlessness;
The Best Nominees: King to JR: “The last time you opened up your wallet Ric Flair was voted best newcomer.”; Santino insulting Jimmy Kimmel using gimmicks of other late-night hosts; Change: Cody Rhodes possibly breaking up with Holly and joining other next generation wrestler Ted DiBiase, Jr.

SEGMENT #5
Chris Jericho def. JBL
The Worst Nominees: JBL’s boring wrestling style; Jericho’s weird need to show mercy to his competitors angle; More fake JBL blood.
The Best Nominees: Jericho’s promise to defend the InterContinental Title as much as possible; Y2J’s acrobatics; The crowd’s bloodlust and desire to see more pain inflicted on JBL.

SEGMENT #6
Beth Phoenix and Katie Lea Birchill def. Melina and Mickie James
The Worst Nominees: This match’s abrupt end (I was really getting into it); Katie Lea’s gawkiness; The Mr. Kennedy-Birchill feud overshadowing the good women’s match and Melina-Phoenix feud.
The Best Nominees: Melina’s epic yearning desire to attack Beth Phoenix and her subsquent feverish hair-pulling; Mickie James’ perky acrobatic and excitable style;The beatdown Phoenix puts on Melina.

SEGMENT #7 and #8
Lance Cade def. Trevor Murdoch
John Cena and Mickie James talk in the training room while HHH watches TV in the locker room
The Worst Nominees: Cryme Tyme extraneously eying up the $1M; The WWE’s crashed internet server due to overwhelming $1M applicants; Trevor Murdoch’s singing; The crass Mickie James’ panties joke; HHH’s crotch shot
The Best Nominees: The breakup of a successful tag team and the resulting feud; Their apparent disdain for each other (just wish I could get more excited about this one); The commercial for the forthcoming The Rock 3-DVD set; John Cena and Mickie James do look cute together.

SEGMENT #9
John Cena def. Jeff Hardy for the right to face HHH at the Night of Champions PPV.
The Worst Nominees: A dude from the audience actually made it past the security and into the ring and seriously killed the momentum of what could have been a great match; We love Cena but we wanted new blood going for the title; The mid-match commercial shortened an already shortened match.
The Best Nominees: A dude from the audience actually made it past the security and into the ring and the crowd cheered him wildly; Hardy and Cena showed great professionalism when they visibly laugh at the guy and are forced to delay their match until he’s removed from the arena; JR and Lawler do a great job joking about the ring interloper: The King evokes an image of JR streaking and they reckon the $1M promise has driven the crowd crazy.

The WORST of RAW: Has to be the crass Mickie James panties joke from Segment #8. In Segment #3 Vince talked about how he wanted to bring back people who grew up watching wrestling and for some reason stopped. For me that reason was the unnecessary inclusion of sexual gags and a loss of the 1980’s innocence. If I had been tuning in anew for the $1M that joke might have turned me off for good.

The BEST of RAW: We’ll say the breakup of Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes that was hinted at in Segment #4. We want a change from the stagnant matchups more than anyone and a stable/alliance of second (and third) generation wrestlers like Rhodes and DiBiase, Jr. would be great.

Post from: EveryJoe

WWE Monday Night RAW June 2: The Worst

Yesterday I made some bold predictions. Let’s see how I did.

PREDICTIONS:

MATCH #1
Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Most predictors around the world wide web had Umaga winning this one but I wasn’t so sure. I thought the anything goes style favored the quick and unpredictable Hardy rather than the brutish plodding force of Umaga. As it turned out I was right. The match seemed more like a Bam Margera video than a wrestling match and spent very little time in the ring itself. The out-of-shape Umaga must have felt winded running all over the San Diego Sports Arena aisles and parking lot.

I’ve been to the Sports Arena before and know that there’s are restaurants directly across the street including Phil’s BBQ and a Red Lobster. It would have been very easy for Umaga to get distracted. I win here.

Running Score: 1 for 1

***

MATCH #2
Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
my choice: Big Show
my odds of winning: Big Show EVEN; Morrison 5 to 1; Dreamer 1,000 to 1; Chavo 7 to 1; Punk 5 to 2

how did I do: Even Mrs. Jabandgrapple had this one right. She said “How can any of those little guys beat Big Show? ” I said “Floyd Mayweather, Jr. did at Wrestlemania XXIV.” She laughed and stared back at me as if I was the most gullible idiot in the world.

Let it be known, as soon as I saw Shawn Merriman in the front row I said to her “There’s no way he’s not getting in on this Singapore Cane action tonight.” Why didn’t I live blog that prescient comment? Let’s move on to Match #3.

Running Score: 2 for 2

***

MATCH #3
First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
my choice: John Cena
my odds: Cena 5 to 2 favorite

how did I do: I am on an official roll now! Three for three baby. Before the match I had a feeling JBL was going to do some down low dirty stuff and pull this one out but I stayed with my heart and went with the jean-shorted one.

Running Score: 3 for 3

***

MATCH #4
“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
my choice: Beth Phoenix
my odds: Phoenix 20 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Like the Singapore Cage match before it, the result of this bout was no mystery. Melina can’t get Phoenix to quit wearing those goofy headband/tiaras or the unflattering outfits so how could she be counted on to make her quit a wrestling match? And really she should, Beth is a lot prettier than she looks on the television. Disagree? Check out her WWE Divas page.

Running Score: 4 for 4

***

MATCH #5
Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
my choice: Shawn Michaels
my odds: Michaels 5 to 2 favorite

how did I do: Here’s where it all went wrong. I foolishly went with the spoilers which said Batista was taking some time off. Just proves that the WWE is just as skillful as the KGB and the CIA with skillfully placed disinformation.

Running Score: 4 for 5. There goes the perfect.

***

MATCH #6
Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
my choice: Triple H but I’m really rooting for Orton here.
my odds: HHH 3 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Last night didn’t seem like the best time to give Orton back the title considering his request for a few weeks off to be with his expectant wife. HHH is a boring champ but what can you do. Orton’s confirmed broken collarbone should keep him out long enough for him to joyfully welcome his newborn into the world without the distractions of WWE on-the-road travel. Sometimes good things come from bad situations.

Running Score: 5 for 6

***

MATCH #7
TLC Match For The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
my choice: Undertaker
my odds: Taker 1000 to 1 favorite
how did I do: Absolutely 100% wrong. I didn’t see this coming not one bit. I had read that The Undertaker wanted some time off but was amazed that it happened this way at an Extreme Rules Pay-Per-View. I still can’t see him leaving and it only escalates the La Familia-Undertaker feud which is sadly the best rivalry the WWE has going on at this point.

Running Score: 5 out of 7. Not bad at all.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Post from: EveryJoe

My WWE One Night Stand Predictions…The Morning After