12 Rounds starring WWE star, John Cena, is already out on video.  I can’t believe how fast this came out!  I wrote about it being in theaters just a few months ago.  Can you remember a time when it took at least 6 months for a movie to come out on VHS?

WWE Studios (a division of World Wrestling Entertainment) is actually responsible for releasing this movie about a detective named Danny Fisher who, after his girlfriend is kidnapped, must navigate his way through “12 rounds” of a carefully plotted game designed by international terrorists.

On the DVD you will get both the rated and unrated versions and (yes, there is more) you will also get to see two alternate endings.  It also includes a behind-the-scenes look at John Cena’s stunts, a gag reel and audio commentaries with the director, writer and John Cena.

I know that when this originally came out, I said that I wouldn’t even watch it when it came out on DVD and I’ve got to say that nothing has changed.  The reviews for this movie were mostly terrible so I think I’ll avoid it.  If you do want a copy, you can order one from Amazon.

WWE Studios (a division of World Wrestling Entertainment) released 12 Rounds yesterday, starring WWE star, John Cena (he made his acting debut in one of their other films, The Marine).  In the movie, Cena plays Detective Danny Fisher, a man who is desperate to save his girlfriend, Molly Porter (Ashley Scott), after she is kidnapped by an internationally-known terrorist named Miles Jackson (Aiden Gillen).  Detective Fisher must successfully navigate through the streets of New Orleans and complete “12 rounds” of carefully plotted games.

Honestly, judging from the trailer and plot, I don’t think I’ll be seeing this movie in theaters or when it comes out on DVD.  One thing that I noticed from the trailer and from reading reviews is that the camerawork is a bit all-over-the-place and is even a little nauseating.  Still, Cena gives off a bit of a Mark Wahlberg feel so maybe this is open some doors for him.

I think it’s a bit too soon after his recent surgery, but reports are saying that John Cena will return for a Raw Challenge Match at a Raw brand house show from the Sovereign Center in Reading Pennsylvania on November 30th against Randy Orton.

I’m not sure what the doc’s stipulations are on him returning to the ring so soon after having neck surgery, but I just think it’s too soon. John Cena is always a great match and Randy Orton…well, Randy is a bit overdone if you ask me. He’s a great heel but it gets a bit old. How long has he been doing this Legend killer angle now? C’mon, it’s time for a change with this dude.

I’d rather see Cena off for a while so he can heal properly without risking further injury, but I suppose you can’t keep Cena down.

Image used with permission from Newscom.com

Last Night’s WWE Raw from Seattle Washington, saw Chris Jericho as acting General Manager due to Mike Adamle being called to an important meeting with Shane McMahon. Jericho comes out with a big bruise around the left side of his mouth. Talking about the PPV and how he is still the champ but Shawn Michaels did exactly what he said he was going to do by "disfiguring" him and pulls back his lip to show a broken tooth. He goes on to talk more about the match and how he beat the man that revolutionized the ladder match. He goes on to to say that he’s finished with Shawn and that he’s handing him off to Lance Cade in an "Anything Goes" match on Raw. Shortly after Batistas Music plays and Batista comes out and reiterates that he’s the number one contender and wants to know how long before Jericho defends his title. Jericho gets all tough guy saying that pretty much anytime. anywhere, he will defend the title and even after a brutal match from the night before he would find a way to beat Batista and that he’ll make the name Batista synonymous with Failure. He then tells Batista to get out of his face…NOW! Batista says he’s going to explain a couple of things. First he tells Jericho that one thing that is for sure is that he’s going to have tp defend that title against him and the second thing, Batista gives him a spine buster and tells him "You mess with the bull, you get the horn!". Batista leaves the ring with Jericho rolling around in pain. Later Jericho set up a re-match with JBL and Batista as the main event.

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The news tore (like his pectoral) through the wrestling world: “Poor John Cena has suffered another sidelining injury, a herniate disk in his neck, and will need surgery.”

The WWE ran a ticker during it’s ECW alerting fans to this heinous turn of events. In somber voice on RAW GM Mike Adamle told fans that Batista monstrous Batista Bombas at Summer Slam caused the injury. (Adamle’s conclusion was, of course, untrue but it does prop up the Animal’s abilities.)

The wrestling rags even reported that the news spread to the pages of the Wall Street Journal although searches of the wsj.com website brought nothing.

Cena’s surgery should keep him out for the remainder of the year and perhaps shows that he came back too early from his pectoral injury. That setback was caused by the injury-prone WWE Superstar Mr. Kennedy who had his own shoulder dislocated just a few weeks ago against Shelton Benjamin.

Kennedy also recently had surgery and will miss months of action. Maybe Cena will throw him a bone and a part in his next movie. They need something to do over the course of the next few weeks!

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/25/08

Dear Jabandgrapple.com readers. Chances are next week’s wrestler rankings will be funnier, better written, provide smarter, crisper analysis, might include someone other than WWE wrestlers, and won’t show extreme prejudice towards Mark Henry, JBL, and Kane.

That’s right, this is Mr. Jabandgrapple’s last post. That doesn’t mean there won’t be another Mr. Jabandgrapple just like there was another Ultimate Warrior, another Kane, and another Undertaker. What’s that? There was only one Ultimate Warrior, one true Kane, and one true Undertaker.

That’s besides the point. Just goes to prove that the next Mr. Jabandgrapple will be a more learned wrestling fan. Am I off to a lucrative column at Pro Wrestling Illustrated? A WWE writing gig alongside Freddy Prinze, Jr. in Stamford, Connecticut? Sideline speech and interview writer for Eve Torres? Exclusive publicist for Shannon Briggs?

Let’s just say I’m off to parts unknown. Without further ado, here’s my last WWE wrestler rankings.

1. Undertaker (LW: 1)
Taker’s to-do list:
Sunday: Edge sent to h-e double hockey sticks. Check.
Friday: Steal Vickie Guerrero’s soul. Sorta check. He said he was going to do it. Didn’t exactly see the aura sucked out of her body. Perhaps because SmackDown was again pre-empted by exhibition football and all I got was the standard-def feed. Taker is back and he’s on fire! Although presumably not as on fire as Edge.

2. Batista (LW: 2)
The Animal still holds the 1-0 edge over his former Tag Team Champion partner but his work on RAW - hobbling to victory over Paul Birchill - certainly doesn’t carry the same weight as Cena’s effort last Monday…

3. John Cena (LW: 5)
Hustle, loyalty and respect brought a handicap match victory over the reigning tag team. It’s only right then that Cena should be named Tag Team champion all by himself. We’re still surprised that Mick Foley never teamed with one of his many personas to win a Tag title. What’s that?

(Official voice: This is a WWE ranking and Mick Foley has nothing to do with the WWE. Cease and desist in mentioning the king of the hell in the cell.)

Let’s move on.

4. Y2J (LW: 10)
Our personal savior (who no longer is in the saving business) Chris Jericho joined the growing list of WWE superstars who’ve defeated the supposed RAW title holder, CM Punk, during his ignominious reign. Shouldn’t that then make him the World Heavyweight Champion just as Cena should be the tag team champ? That would make too much sense.

What also is inexplicable? Why did the WWE replay the Y2J-punching-Shawn Michaels’-wife saga on all three shows? Doesn’t matter, I loved it all three times.

5. HHH (LW: 3)
The King of Kings was just sort of there this week only slightly assisting our next entrant in his match…

6. Jeff Hardy (LW: 6)
The now-braided rainbow-haired warrior defeated the Great Khali in the biggest mismatch between athlete and non-athlete since nearly every Olympic boxing match. Somehow in those bouts the non-athlete always won. Shows you why I love pro wrestling.

7. Kofi Kingston (LW: 7)
It is STILL so unfair that Kofi lost his Intercontinental belt without getting pinned. We say he wins it back on tonight’s RAW. Of course we said the same thing last week.

8. Edge (LW: 4)
When will he emerge from Hades? If not this Friday then I’m dropping him off this list. But you won’t be here next week. Arrggghh.

9. Shelton Benjamin (LW: NR)
Beat Finlay in a very long match on SmackDown. I keep forgetting that Finlay has a title belt, namely the U.S. Championship. Yet another reason why next weeks ratings will be smarter.

10. The Miz (LW: NR)
Because I like him. That’s why. Because I love reality TV. That’s right I said it. Because the only show on television almost as good as wrestling is the Road Rules/Real World Challenge. And The Miz was a stellar performer on that show.

Dropped Out: CM Punk, Vladimir Kozlov

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/18/08

1. Undertaker (LW: 10)
He’s baaaaaaaaaack and he’s sending people to h-e double hockey sticks. We really didn’t realize how much we missed the Undead Superstar until his epic SummerSlam Hell in a Cell match. Amazing stuff in what might go down as an all-time great pro wrestling match.

2. Batista (LW: 1)
His match versus John Cena wasn’t the highlight of SummerSlam but hopefully we will see these two titans square off again.

3. Triple H (LW: 4)
He beat The Great Khali. Yawn. Let’s see him start feuding with Edge or Taker. The pedigreed one won’t stand a chance.

4. Edge (LW: 3)
Did Edge solidify his place in the WWE Hall of Fame with yet another ridiculously good headline match? We think so. Can’t wait to see what’s up next for the Rated R Superstar.

5. John Cena (LW: 2)
The crowd is beginning to turn against everybody’s all-American. How long before Cena turns heel? Hopefully soon.

6. Jeff Hardy (LW: 9)
Sure he lost at SummerSlam but only because of Shelton Benjamin’s interference. Hardy has been terrific as of late and the untrue rumors of his broken neck have only added to his legend.

7. Kofi Kingston (LW: 5)
So unfair that Kofi could lose his Intercontinental belt without getting pinned. We say he wins it back tonight on RAW.

8. CM Punk (LW: NR)
He won. Double yawn. A pin versus JBL means NOTHING. CM Punk still has a lot to prove in our book.

9. Vladimir Kozlov (LW: 8)
Maybe he’ll get a match in the next pay-per-view. We’re not holding our breath.

10. Y2J (LW: 7)
Overshadowed again by Shawn Michaels. Y2J’s star is falling and it’s falling fast.
Dropped Out: The Great Khali

Jabandgrapple.com’s Top 10 WWE wrestlers for the week ending 8/11/08

Monday night’s RAW and Tuesday’s ECW didn’t exactly bring us a lot of action while Friday night’s SmackDown was preempted in Mr. Jabandgrapple’s hometown by an Eagles vs. Steelers pre-season match-up. And while my DVR wasn’t intuitive enough to tape the delayed broadcast I was able to get a hold of the matches.

1. Batista (LW: 3)
The Animal channeled his ample anger and pinned Ted DiBiase, Jr. to become a half of an unlikely WWE Tag Team Champion pairing.

2. John Cena (LW: 2)
The other half of the new belt holders. We can’t wait for the newly allied SummerSlam matchup.

3. Edge (LW: 1)
At some point he’s going to have to wrestler, right? Still, flipping Vickie Guerrero out of her wheelchair is something we’ve wanted to see forever. And the Rated-R Superstar definitely seems to have his mojo back.

4. Triple H (LW: 4)
Good mic work and some clever insults towards the Great Khali and his manager “Funyon”. HHH had the arm wrestling match won and Khali resorted to some dastardly tactics.

5. Kofi Kingston (LW: 6)
The high flying superstar just keeps getting better. We really enjoyed his dismantling of Paul Birchill. Let’s hope that feud is over. It’s gotten way too one-sided.

6. The Great Khali (LW: 8)
As much as it pains me to move Khali to #6 he did put a hurting on HHH and that doesn’t happen often. We always feel a little bad for him after hearing the rumor that he doesn’t have much time left in the WWE because of his degenerating knees.

7. Y2J (LW: 4)
Chris Jericho gets a lot less interesting without Shawn Michaels as a foil. How could I place him above JBL who actually made the pin in the JBL-Y2J handicap match against CM Punk? Because Y2J did all the damage on Punk and because I hate JBL. Simple as that.

8. Vladimir Kozlov (LW: NR)
So it’s not just us who wants Kozlov to face better competition. Vladimir is sick of beating up jobbers too. Last week he got Jesse and Festus who are a serviceable duo. Kozlov got the job done and makes his first appearance in the JandG rankings.

9. Jeff Hardy (LW: NR)
The rainbow-haired warrior is also making his first JandG ranking appearance. And not a moment too soon. He’s been beating up on the competition only to be foiled by MVP’s interference. It’s time to hurt MVP at SummerSlam and we can’t wait for that eventuality.

10. The Undertaker (LW: NR)
Black roses, splayed out La Familia members, fear everywhere. He’s baaa-aackkkk!

Dropped Out: Mr Kennedy (get well soon!), Matt Hardy, and CM Punk

RAW Results and Commentary

Kane def. Matt Striker

Segment Eight
Mid-match between Kane and Matt Striker Mrs. Jabandgrapple says “I don’t know about this Adamle reign so far. It’s pretty gimmicky. Does RAW really need gimmicks?” Gotta agree.

While Kane grabs Matt Striker in a chokeslam he gives the former wrestler a wedgie and we see enough cheekage to increase the rating above TV-PG. Funny stuff. Post-match Kane grabs the mic and says he’s better now after being in a bad place. He spends a few awkward seconds staring at his burlap bag.

I would rather have seen Striker trying to discretely remove his wedgie.

Segment Nine
Prior to the championship tag team match WWE Diva Kelly Kelly comes to talk to Mike Adamle and tells him “Let’s do it” before sitting down on the couch. My brain just turned to mush.

Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it. Kelly Kelly. Let’s do it.

OK. John Cena’s music comes on and I’m back. Cena opens up the match and puts a hurting on DiBiase. He steps away, tags Batista, and lets him do his thing on Cody Rhodes. This bout is a cruel mismatch but Cena and Batista can’t win the title, can they?

Cena looks to have the match won the the FU but Rhodes makes a sneaky tag, DiBiase lands a drop kick to Cena’s back, Rhodes slams him into the steel stairs and the tag team champs grab the momentum and the edge.

Rhodes is draped on Cena’s back and in a sleeper hold. Cena staggers over to the corner but Batista doesn’t reach out for the tag! Cena is pulled to the center of the ring, DiBiase is tagged in and he hits a sleeper hold too. But Cena counters and lands his own sleeper. Triple sleeper madness. DiBiase breaks it and Cena goes to tag Batista.

Cena makes the tag…by slapping Batista in the face! The hear is on. Batista channels his anger onto DiBiase with a vicious Spinebuster and then a Spear. He then finishes Ted Jr. off with a Batista Bomb. Cena and Batista are now Tag Team Champions. I really like this new twist. Cena and Batista look at each other, raise the belts, and share a Santino and Beth Phoenix-type moment.

RAW Results and Commentary

Kofi Kingston def. Paul Birchill
Mickie James def. Katie Lea Birchill

Segment One
New GM Mike Adamle is getting some major heat! A lot more than I ever imagined…then he compares himself to Ronald Reagan and equates the Gipper’s work with Bonzo the chimp to announcing with Tazz. OK, he really compared Bonzo to calling Jeff Hardy Jeff Harvey. I like the Tazz comparison better.

It seems the inept one might be turning the crowd after announcing three title matches on tonight’s show. OK, this isn’t is bad. The first is Batista and John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. I guess that’s interesting.

Before he can announce another match JBL and Y2J join him in suits claiming they deserve title matches. Yap, yap, yap, yap. Debate, debate, debate, debate.

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