ECW Results and Highlights

Finlay def. The Miz
Braden Walker def. Armando Estrada
Evan Bourne def. Nunzio
Tommy Dreamer def. Mark Henry by DQ (?)

Last week I asked ECW to give me a reason to love it. It didn’t. So really, I shouldn’t be watching. But I am because the good people at the Innovative Beverage Group sent jabandgrapple.com some of their new “anti-energy” drink: Drank. The beverage promises to “calm and relax you” with ingredients that include Melatonin, Rose Hips, and Valerian Root. My ECW hate has been so virulent as of late that I need some relaxation. I need, as the drink boasts, to “slow my roll”.

Finlay and The Miz are squaring off as I pour my first into a neat glass tumbler; I’m drinking the gently carbonated Drank on ice. Before the match I’m quietly confident that these two will step it up in their singles match. I’m not as confident about the Drank. The first sip isn’t nearly as sweet as I expect and is reminiscent of a pleasant grape soda. I fear that it is going to go down real smooth. Too smooth.

Finlay takes care of The Miz with some help from Hornswaggle and the Drank is already calming me down. I might even enjoy the Mark Henry-Tommy Dreamer main event! The first commercial break contains an advert for 5-hour energy drink talking about the evils of energy drinks. I’m one step ahead of them though. I’m not interested in energizing, I’m interested in relaxing. And Drank already has me on my way.

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ECW Results and Highlights

Hornswaggle def. Armando Estrada
Evan Bourne def. Matt Stryker
Kofi Kingston vs. Mike Knox ended when Shelton Benjamin enters ring
CM Punk def. Morrison

I don’t know why ECW gets a bad rap. This week’s show once again trumped Monday Night RAW in terms of excitement and good wrestling. Heck, it fit the same number of matches into one hour than last night’s show fit into two. FYI, I’m not counting RAW’s 12 second tag team bout as a match. It’s interesting what you can do when you’re not spending the entire show dialing a phone and giving away money.

The Hornswaggle vs. Armando Estrada match featured hilarious Looney Toons-like sequences with Estrada playing the perplexed Sylvester/Coyote/Elmer Fudd to Hornswaggle’s Tweety Bird/Roadrunner/Bugs Bunny. Hornswaggle dropped marbles, he shot super soakers, he broke cigars, and was always just out of reach from his frustrated pursuer.

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ECW Results and Highlights Part One

RESULTSCM Punk def. Tommy Dreamer and Chavo Guerrero and John Morrison
Shelton Benjamin def. Matt Sydal

Last week WWE’s ECW show shined brighter than both RAW and SmackDown with four good wrestling matches and no drama. Could history repeat itself? Not likely, as the story lines have already begun with Teddy Long (see picture on right. OK it’s Paris Hilton but she is holding a teddy bear) wresting ECW GM controls from Armando Estrada. It had seemed like Armando was making a permanent move to the ring.

MATCH ONE
Fatal Four-Way Match
CM Punk vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Morrison
Winner gets a match versus Kane in a non-title match.

Didn’t we just see this bout at One Night Stand? Only this time there’s no Big Show, no Shawne Merriman, and surely no blood.

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Yesterday I made some bold predictions. Let’s see how I did.

PREDICTIONS:

MATCH #1
Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

how did I do: Most predictors around the world wide web had Umaga winning this one but I wasn’t so sure. I thought the anything goes style favored the quick and unpredictable Hardy rather than the brutish plodding force of Umaga. As it turned out I was right. The match seemed more like a Bam Margera video than a wrestling match and spent very little time in the ring itself. The out-of-shape Umaga must have felt winded running all over the San Diego Sports Arena aisles and parking lot.

I’ve been to the Sports Arena before and know that there’s are restaurants directly across the street including Phil’s BBQ and a Red Lobster. It would have been very easy for Umaga to get distracted. I win here.

Running Score: 1 for 1

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WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

RESULTS

MATCH #6
Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton

Result: Triple H wins with a sledgehammer (yes) hit.
Match Grade: B+. Good match which ended early presumably because of a real injury to Orton. The announcing team is saying a broken collarbone and we have no reason to disagree.

Commentary:
Is this match ever going to start? Finally, after an eternity of intros the bell has rung and HHH gets to work quickly slamming Orton into seemingly everything that surrounds the ring: the gate, the announcer’s table, and of course the steel staircase. So far this match has been very one-sided but Orton brings things closer with a terrific drop kick off the ropes.

His advantage doesn’t last as HHH easily tosses him outside the ring and looks ready to reintroduce Orton to the ECW announcer’s table. It doesn’t happen as Orton painfully DDTs HHH’s face into the ringside floor from on top of the table.

Orton is now lifting the padding from the ringside floor. This is so 1982. Cement exposed but no one is taking advantage of it just yet. They’re back in the ring and Orton begins his predictable stomp-o-rama. Guess what’s in the ring now?

It’s the steel stair steps which Orton lifts over his head and tosses into HHH’s face. Hunter gets up but not before Orton brings an extension cord into the ring! He’s choking the lights out of HHH but just not enough to ensure a submission. Another 8 count. Orton looks to finish him off with an RKO but gets tossed out of the ring and, if he hit the steel stairs, might have hurt himself.

He’s holding his collarbone as if it were broken and it just might be. HHH now has a sledgehammer which he connects with. Orton is done and the medics are out. This injury might be real. As he leaves the ringside Orton snarls at a taunting fan and looks like he’s going to snap. We love him even more.

MATCH #5
Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Result: Batista wins convincingly.
Match Grade: A-. Really great match between two top-notch professionals. At the end of the match Michaels received a lot of unnecessary punishment and it will be interesting to see what happens between him and Chris Jericho; whether he thanks him for his care and assistance or resents his ridiculous interference.

Commentary:
The spoilers have suggested a winner here. But I won’t do any spoiling myself.

Batista is cleverly utilizing the stretcher to his advantage slamming the HBK into its exposed top. Michaels hit the Animal with a good kick to the head and them dismantles the ring entrance ramp (which is getting a lot of action tonight). HBK then rams Batista with the stretcher. Good thinking Shawn!

Batista lines up the Batista Bomb outside the ring but Michaels is able to get out of it and manages to get the Animal onto the stretcher. Batista seems out and Michaels is nearing the finish line just as the Animal awakes and does some pounding of his own.

I audibly groan as Batista slams HBK’s band into the side of the ring. Batista looks in control and Michaels is reeling. After one shot he seems to do a full 360-degree turn. After a powerful body slam Batista is lining up HBK for the kill but the wily Michaels is able to dodge the juggernaut who tams himself into the ring post.

Michaels is gradually regaining his energy and looks to put his adversary away with a high-flying elbow drop off the top rope. He’s successful but looks to have done some damage to his problematic back.

The Animal has Michaels in what looks to be, heavens no, a Batista Bomb over the top rope. Michaels gets away and Sweet Chin Music’s Batista onto a stretcher. The Animal is out but maintains a grip on the apron. He doesn’t want to lose and rolls himself off the stretcher.

We wonder how many stretchers are at ringside (maybe 5) as Michaels repeatedly rams one into Batista’s stomach. The Animal counters by flipping up the stretcher into Michael’s face. We can’t believe HBK’s lip isn’t bloodied at this point. Batista continues his dominance and is finally able to land a Batista bomb in the center of the ring. Problem is now he has to drag the HBK onto a stretcher. Does Shawn have time to resuscitate? It seems as Chris Jericho intervenes and stops Batista from rolling Michaels out.

As Y2J leaves Batista pulls Michaels into the ring to inflict more punishment. Michaels looks destitute. Heavens to Betsy, another Batista Bomb landed! This has to be it. But Y2J reappears. He’s put himself in between the stretcher and the finish line and is trying to spur Michaels on.

But he seems to be hurting Michaels more than he’s helping him. Batista brings over the steel ring entrance ladder and ruthlessly slams HBK onto it. The Animal lifts Michaels back onto the stretcher and easily wins. Michaels went through a lot of pain in this one.

MATCH #4
“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Result: Beth Phoenix almost cracks Melina in half and she submits
Match Grade: C-. Just not my cup of tea.

Commentary:
Admittedly I used this women’s match to use the restroom. Now I’m back although I did hear A LOT of screaming from the other room. The Glamazon had Melina in a debilitating back breaker but sadly couldn’t close the deal.

Why must they both scream so much? Please please make them stop. I get it, they’re supposed to be in pain but it’s just so unattractive. Phoenix lands an impressive front face body slam and now has Melina in a hold that really shows off her flexibility. Melina can’t maintain the Phoenix-enforced yoga pose and submits.

MATCH #3
First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield

Result: Cena wins after JBL spits up some “blood”
Match Grade: C. Boring, long, and anti-climatic. Not as bad as their Judgment Day fight but not much better. Let’s hope these two never ever fight again. The fun was a lot too sporadic for my tastes.

Commentary:
We’ve already had blood so we’re about to go 2 for 3 tonight in plasmability. Cena’s already dismantles a turnbuckle. Now they start swinging in the middle of the ring. Knuck if you buck indeed.

They’ve been scrapping outside the ring for a while and this one so far is about as boring as their Judgment Day bout. These two don’t bring out the best in one another. Methinks JBL has a blade in his extra thick knuckle tape tonight.

There’s a whole lot of punching and not a lot of wrestling. JBL Brings out a metal chair and lines up Cena head against the ring post. Luckily John eludes the crushing blow. JBL now has a WWE microphone with which to open up a cut. I think there’s some irony there given JBL’s propensity to talk and talk and talk.

JBL now has the steel ring entrance stairs. Are they going to cause another cut? Not likely. JBL’s not as strong as the Big Show and can’t bear to carry it any further. Cena’s got the mic now but can’t manage to make JBL bleed. His next effort is to rub Bradshaw’s face back and forth against the steel which is quite silly given the steel’s sharp edges. Oh well.

Next up for blood exposure potential is the exposed turnbuckle. Cena hits it heard but his skin is impervious. JBL now has a thick powerful chain and the end timer on this match is thankfully near. Cena gets hit in the stomach with the chain and JR aptly wonders if John has some internal bleeding. How would the ref ever know?

Now Cena’s tied up in the ropes and in some serious danger. JBL’s got an Indiana Jones bullwhip. Uh oh. One crack of that and its over. Cena gets out of the ropes, grabs the chain and proceeds to choke JBL assassin style. Bradshaw spits up some blood and it’s over. That was obviously a blood capsule and sort of a let down given last match’s Type O gushing.

WWE One Night Stand Pay-Per-View Results and Live Blog

The madness begins!

MATCH #1
Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
Result: Hardy wins by pin in a crazy match.
Match Grade: B. Entertaining but a little too weird for my tastes. Why couldn’t they have been in the arena? Was it filmed before?

Commentary:
They’re fighting in the aisles! At one point Jeff Hardy rail slides down the arena’s guard rail and pounds Umaga when he reaches the bottom. Why aren’t people leaving their seats? No one is working harder then the referee trying to follow them They are now in the parking lot. Jeff Hardy is being slammed into everything metal including tractor trailers!

Umaga is draped in yellow tape. Hardy looks like the Green Goblin. Hardy is now climbing on top of a Shawn Michaels billboard/truck but Umaga is on his heels.

Hardy kicks him off and then does a Swanton Bomb from an absurd height, something like 40 feet off the billboard/truck. The view is obscured so hopefully Jeff jumped onto a mat, stunt man style.

When he goes for the pin the camera swings back. Umaga is knocked cold and Hardy easily pins him before the medics are called. If there was no safety mat then the EMTs might need called in. Seriously.

Image details: Warning Sticks served by picapp.com

MATCH #2
Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk

Result: Big Show pins Tommy Dreamer
Match Grade: B+. Entertaining if not confusing and almost too action filled. Big Show might have been totally dominant but we all knew that was coming. Nevertheless this match had an elite pro footballer who definitely looked game and plenty of blood. BTW Shawne Merriman, you could have a lucrative post-football career in the WWE.

Commentary:
With six competitors, the intro to this match is taking forever. It’s a free for all already with Big Show taking control in the center.

Oh my the four Singapore canes are now in play and they’re ganging up on the Big Show. Chavo Guerrero makes a mistake and hits San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman with the cane. Merriman is angry and demanding the cane to do some damage.

He clocks Chavo something good. Action Action Action! The Miz enters the area and Big Show threatens to hit him with the ring’s entrance stage. Morrison saves his partner at the last minute but in the effort Big Show drops the steel stage on his head and opens up a huge gash. Blood blood blood.

Big Show goes loco on Bam Neely pulling cane after cane out of the cane depository which seems to be a metal trash can. Of course. He’s now brought the entire garbage can into the ring and seems overcome by violence.

Our suggestion to the unfortunate five: get out of the blooded Big Show’s way! And they have leaving Tommy Dreamer alone. Big Show pins him, wipes some blood over his face, and smiles triumphantly.

Photo Source: Newscom.com

Here they are. Let’s see how I do:

PREDICTIONS:
TLC Match For The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
my choice: Undertaker
my odds: Taker 1000 to 1 favorite

Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
my choice: Triple H but I’m really rooting for Orton here.
my odds: HHH 3 to 1 favorite

First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
my choice: John Cena
my odds: Cena 5 to 2 favorite

Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
my choice: Shawn Michaels
my odds: Michaels 5 to 2 favorite

Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
my choice: Jeff Hardy
my odds: Umaga 2 to 1 favorite

Singapore Cane Match
Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
my choice: Big Show
my odds of winning: Big Show EVEN; Morrison 5 to 1; Dreamer 1,000 to 1; Chavo 7 to 1; Punk 5 to 2

“I Quit” Match
Melina vs. Beth Phoenix
my choice: Beth Phoenix
my odds: Phoenix 20 to 1 favorite

Friday Night SmackDown, May 30, 2008

Match Three
CM Punk def. John Morrison
Before the match starts Mick Foley announces that he hates The Miz. We wonder why and where that statement came from. He seems OK to us. But not to the referee who banishes Coral’s ex-housemate to the locker room.

CM Punk is doing a lot of kicking. Kicks to the head, kicks to the face, kicks to the legs, kicks to the abdomen. They all land. As opposed to the Shaman of Sexy whose kicks CM Punk keeps catching. Morrison finally gets a round house kick in onto the back of the disciplined one’s head but it isn’t enough for the pin.

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ECW Results and Highlights Part Two

Chavo Guerrero def. CM Punk
Tazz and Mike Adamle bring up CM Punk’s Money in the Bank and wonder why he hasn’t cashed it in yet. We’re wondering the same thing but then realize that it took Edge nearly nine months to cash in the first Money in the Bank briefcase.

We’re not getting into this match as much as we should. First we’re distracted by a Shamokin-Mount Carmel sign and wonder how a shout out to those two Pennsylvania coal towns could happen in a Colorado Springs arena. Then we focus on CM Punk’s tongue ring and wonder if that ever cause him problems or pain in the ring. It must, right?

The match returns from commercial and we’re quickly snapped back to attention when CM Punk flips Chavo high over the top rope and then falls a long way down before crashing outside the ring. As Chavo crawls back in Bam Neely pulls the rope down and Punk flies out headlong into the announcers’ desk. This match got good quick. Punk looks to be near submission after Chavo hits a neat single-leg Boston crab but bravely grabs a hold of the rope.

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ECW Results
The Miz def. Kane by disqualification
Shelton Benjamin def. Kofi Kingston
Kelly Kelly and Colin Delaney def. Mike Knox and Layla
Armando Estrada def. Colin Delaney
John Morrison and Chavo Guerrero def. CM Punk and Tommy Dreamer

Image details: MTV Spring Break In Cancun served by picapp.com

I’ll admit it. I liked last night’s ECW. Three of the four matches featured some good wrestling. The storylines were kept to a minimum and we just got to see some fun grappling.

Because of my love for all things Real World/Road Rules Challenge I enjoy The Miz and want to see him succeed. When he says “I’m I competitor” I know it to be true because I’ve seen him beat Abram in the Gauntlet and I’ve seen him kick ass in the Battle of the Seasons. So when I hear him booed and nearly decapitated by Kane I’m cheering for him but I’m also happy because he’s becoming a much better wrestler. Maybe this Kane feud could bring The Miz a single’s title.

Thought Kofi Kingston’s loss to Shelton Benjamin was overdue. I like Kingston as a wrestler but the undefeated thing was getting a little old. Now that Kofi and the Gold Standard have fought three times I’m wondering if their feud will continue or if they’ll move on to bigger and better things. I would love for the WWE branding thing to officially end with these two high flyers participating more in RAW and Smackdown.

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