RAW Results and Commentary

Kofi Kingston def. Paul Birchill
Mickie James def. Katie Lea Birchill

Segment One
New GM Mike Adamle is getting some major heat! A lot more than I ever imagined…then he compares himself to Ronald Reagan and equates the Gipper’s work with Bonzo the chimp to announcing with Tazz. OK, he really compared Bonzo to calling Jeff Hardy Jeff Harvey. I like the Tazz comparison better.

It seems the inept one might be turning the crowd after announcing three title matches on tonight’s show. OK, this isn’t is bad. The first is Batista and John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. I guess that’s interesting.

Before he can announce another match JBL and Y2J join him in suits claiming they deserve title matches. Yap, yap, yap, yap. Debate, debate, debate, debate.

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August’s b5media sports channel theme day is “favorites”. Presumably I’m supposed to tell you about my favorite pro wrestler and/or boxer. The thing is, as a sports blogger/expert analyst journalism ethics tell me that I can’t show favoritism. I can’t root for one fighter over another. It would destroy my credibility. It would severely undermine the high standards to which jabandgrapple.com aspires.

“Um, excuse me.” It seems the peanut gallery has something to say. “Everytime you write about Jeff Hardy you say ‘I love you Jeff Hardy, I love you Jeff Hardy’. And what about your ridiculous and overt pining for Eve Torres? (Mr. JandG note: she doesn’t wrestle. I CAN favor her.) Or the fact that you’ve admitted that Y2J is your favorite. And then said that Randy Orton is your favorite. And then said that John Cena is your favorite. And then said that Edge is your favorite. And I think you might have even said that Kofi Kingston was your favorite. You have more favorites than a Las Vegas casino sports book. And in your glorious high standard blog as well.”

What you say might be true. But that’s wrestling. I’m supposed to take sides. That’s why there are good guys and bad guys. I am completely absolved. And, plus, I’m fair and balanced towards the people I don’t like like HHH, Mark Henry, the Great Khali, and Mike Adamle. Really, I am.

And anyway I don’t show favoritism in boxing. No sides no favorites pure rational Platonic objectivity.

“Um, here are two quotes from YOUR OWN BLOG:”

We are big Klitschko fans; Mrs. Jabandgrapple has even claimed to have married Mr. Jabandgrapple because of his passing likeness to Wlad.

and

Then Darling Jimenez knocks him down! Oh my heavens! Vamos Darling!

“Those don’t sound too nonobjective to me!”

I’ll admit, maybe once or twice I’ve cheered a bit for one fighter and not the other. But that doesn’t mean I have a favorite. The only favorite in my heart in the Manchester City Football Club. And I like them so much that I vehemently cheer (oops) for Ricky Hatton even though he hangs out with Manchester United strikers every now and then.

So if I were to admit a really really really favorite boxer/wrestler it would be Ricky Hatton but it oddly has nothing to do with boxing or wrestling and everything to do with, um, soccer. Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone… There’s only one Ricky Hatton!

Last night’s Monday Night Raw had a pleading message from Shane McMahon, a big time title change, a title rematch, a touching tribute to a local legend, the imposition of martial law, and the overarching theme of anarchy. Why anarchy? Well, what RAW didn’t have was a GM given Mr. McMahon’s “tragic accident”.

As a result the inmates ran the asylum. And how do the RAW inmates run their Oklahoma City asylum? They prefer comedy skits, long stretches on the microphone, and as little wrestling as possible. As far as wrestling and results go there is precious little to report today. Drama and storyline on the other hand…

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Tonight is the WWE 2008 Draft (see photo of Draft Horses) and it couldn’t have come at a better time. RAW and SmackDown have descended into a long period of stagnation. Every week we get the same matches, the same winners, and the same losers. Things are changing tonight with a special three hour RAW. There have been no telling spoilers regarding the event and it seems not even the wrestlers themselves no if they are changing brands or not.

We’re not going to make any predictions but we are going to make a list of ten changes we would like to see happen at the draft. Please comment below with your own thoughts or hopes. Not sure who is in which brand? The WWE.com has a fun flash game where you can move your favorite superstars from brand to brand. Just click to http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/wwedraft2008/fantasydraft/.

1. No more JBL vs. John Cena matches. Everyone is sick of boring matches these two give us what seem to be every week. The best way to stop them would be to move JBL to ECW purgatory.
2. Stop Umaga’s descent into a high-level jobber. When exactly was the last time Umaga won? Move him to SmackDown and throw him into the Big Show-Mark Henry-Kane big man brawl.
3. Give Natalya a good rival and competitor in the SmackDown Women’s Title hunt. Who better than Beth Phoenix? She’s lost far too many times to Mickie James to still be a viable RAW entity. She moves to SmackDown and she’s back to claim her rightly throne again.
4. Give MVP his wish and let him leave SmackDown. If you send him to RAW he’ll run into the same outside rut he’s in at SmackDown. Move him to ECW and let MVP be the big fish in a small pond.
5. Move Shelton Benjamin away from ECW. He’s been the Pro Wrestling Observer’s Most Underrated wrestler for three years running now. He’s not going to be facing Kane for the ECW title anytime soon. Move him back to RAW. He’s big and strong enough to fight their top level guys -John Cena, the Randy Orton, and Triple H - and if given another chance he could up his game.
6. Let some perennial losers have a chance to lose elsewhere. I guess this is the point of the draft, actually. Shuffle Snitsky, Chuck Palumbo, and Paul London.
7. Reunite the Hardy Boyz. Bring Jeff over to SmackDown. Let the magic happen again. The rainbow-haired warrior is much better suited to Friday nights anyway.
8. More high flyers to SmackDown just in time for the return of Rey Mysterio. If Jeff Hardy is coming over why not bring Kofi Kingston and/or Evan Bourne along with him?
9. Give RAW another Big Dog. Why not Batista? he hasn’t been there since 2005 and would give Triple H or Cena a great adversary. We haven’t seen those matches in a while.
10. More rough and tumble brawlers to RAW. We like the pair of the tested Finlay and the untested Bam Neely. How that would effect Hornswaggle and La Familia would be hard to tell but it would be fun.
BONUS Send Mike Adamle away. Far, far away.

That would leave the following influx:
To RAW: Batista, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Bam Neely, and Chuck Palumbo
To SmackDown: Jeff Hardy, Umaga, Kofi Kingston, Beth Phoenix, and Paul London
To ECW: JBL, MVP, and Snitsky

Your thoughts or wishes? Comment below!

Photo Source: Newscom.com

ECW Results and Highlights

Hornswaggle def. Armando Estrada
Evan Bourne def. Matt Stryker
Kofi Kingston vs. Mike Knox ended when Shelton Benjamin enters ring
CM Punk def. Morrison

I don’t know why ECW gets a bad rap. This week’s show once again trumped Monday Night RAW in terms of excitement and good wrestling. Heck, it fit the same number of matches into one hour than last night’s show fit into two. FYI, I’m not counting RAW’s 12 second tag team bout as a match. It’s interesting what you can do when you’re not spending the entire show dialing a phone and giving away money.

The Hornswaggle vs. Armando Estrada match featured hilarious Looney Toons-like sequences with Estrada playing the perplexed Sylvester/Coyote/Elmer Fudd to Hornswaggle’s Tweety Bird/Roadrunner/Bugs Bunny. Hornswaggle dropped marbles, he shot super soakers, he broke cigars, and was always just out of reach from his frustrated pursuer.

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Reason #8162 why we love the Internet: we get to read what exactly our sporting heroes think; their words unfiltered by pesky opinionated journalists. That’s right, we’re talking about personal blogs and myspace accounts. Today we’ve been blessed with personal gems from two of www.jabandgrabble.com’s favorite WWE wrestlers: Kofi Kingston and Matt Hardy. The posts talk about their current adventures on the WWE’s tour of Oceania.

Kofi Kingston’s blog entry on wwe.com tells us about the warm greeting he and the WWE superstars received upon landing in New Zealand and his interaction with Kiwi (see picture) pro wrestling legends Bushwacker Butch and Tony Garea. His tales of performance despite extreme jet lag make you realize how ragged WWE wrestlers’ schedules really are.

Matt Hardy also blogs on his myspace page, www.myspace.com/theonlymatthardy, about the difficulties of finding sleep after pan-Pacific travel. He also reveals another gem: “Tonight (at the Christchurch, NZ show), myself, Batista, and the Undertaker beat Edge, MVP, and Mark Henry in the main event-yeah boy!”

That’s right. The Undertaker WWE-ban must not include New Zealand! This is good news for WWE fans everywhere and a sign that The Undertaker’s removal might not be as permanent as we feared.

ECW Results and Highlights

RESULTS
Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne def. Mike Knox and Shelton Benjamin
Veronica def. Kelly Kelly
Finlay def. Armando Estrada
Colin Delaney def. Armando Estrada
Hornswaggle def. Armando Estrada
The Miz and Morrison def. Kane and CM Punk

Vince McMahon’s announcement of the June 23 WWE Draft has taken a bit of anticipation from tonight’s ECW matches. The bookend tag team matches were fun but their feuds will surely not be maintained when a few of these stars will be drafted into other WWE brands.

For example, it’s hard for me to put any attention to the Kofi Kingston - Shelton Benjamin rivalry because both deserve and appear to be moving upward and out of the ECW. Still, they’re very good in the ring together and I thought the toss flip Benjamin landed on his feet was impressive. Wish they had had more time to face off against each other.

Kofi seems suited to fill SmackDown’s high-flying void - at least until Rey Mysterio reappears - and his goofy Jamaican stereotype angle would fit on the Friday night show. That being said I thought the opening ECW tag team match was terrific.

I really like the in-ring aerials of Evan Bourne (who last week was Matt Sydal). If he’s given a chance he could pump a lot of excitement and action into the ECW and might even get himself a tag team title belt. Below is a youtube video of their match. If you didn’t see it, judge for yourself.

Regarding the other matches, I don’t ever mind seeing WWE Diva Kelly Kelly but I’ve already tired of the Armando Estrada saga which has descended into pure comic relief. Pinned by Hornswaggle! C’mon.

The main event tag team title match was watchable but Kane’s pre-match showdown with Big Show sapped the match’s momentum and relegated it to a sideshow to the future Night of Champions event.

ECW Results and Highlights Part One

Big Show def. Tommy Dreamer
The Big Show opens the night with a powerful disposal of Tommy Dreamer finishing him off with a spine shattering choke slam. We with the Big Show’s Cro-Magnon brutality but we have do disagree with Tazz’ assessment of him being deceptively quick. Are you kidding?

Match Grade: C

Kofi Kingston def. Mike Knox
This ECW show is showing promise with the energetic Kofi Kingston facing Mike Knox. Guest commentator Shelton Benjamin gets off the line of the night saying Kofi looks like the Monkey Man from Bloodsport. Not familiar with the best Jean Claude Van Damme movie of all time? Fast forward to minute 6:30 in the below clip.

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WWE SmackDown Results 5/24/08

Deuce, Domino and Maryse def. Jesse, Festus and Cherry
Finlay def. Chuck Palumbo
Batista def. M.V.P.
Vladimir Kozlov def. Nunzio
Matt Hardy and Kofi Kingston def. Shelton Benjamin and Elijah Burke
The Undertaker def. Chavo Guerrero

Friday night’s SmackDown concluded what has been an entertaining week of wrestling matches.

The hard-fought epic M.V.P.-Batista battle which saw terrific give-and-take, lots of powerful moves, and a successful building of an interesting feud.

My favorite bout of the night was surprisingly the Finlay-Chuck Palumbo match. The two sparred for a good ten minutes providing good action and compelling drama. All of this was emphasized by the fact that Hornswaggle spent most of the match under the canvas. But when the little guy emerged the fun began. The first time he disrupted a sure Palumbo pin by splattering the journeyman with a Super Soaker.

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ECW Results
The Miz def. Kane by disqualification
Shelton Benjamin def. Kofi Kingston
Kelly Kelly and Colin Delaney def. Mike Knox and Layla
Armando Estrada def. Colin Delaney
John Morrison and Chavo Guerrero def. CM Punk and Tommy Dreamer

Image details: MTV Spring Break In Cancun served by picapp.com

I’ll admit it. I liked last night’s ECW. Three of the four matches featured some good wrestling. The storylines were kept to a minimum and we just got to see some fun grappling.

Because of my love for all things Real World/Road Rules Challenge I enjoy The Miz and want to see him succeed. When he says “I’m I competitor” I know it to be true because I’ve seen him beat Abram in the Gauntlet and I’ve seen him kick ass in the Battle of the Seasons. So when I hear him booed and nearly decapitated by Kane I’m cheering for him but I’m also happy because he’s becoming a much better wrestler. Maybe this Kane feud could bring The Miz a single’s title.

Thought Kofi Kingston’s loss to Shelton Benjamin was overdue. I like Kingston as a wrestler but the undefeated thing was getting a little old. Now that Kofi and the Gold Standard have fought three times I’m wondering if their feud will continue or if they’ll move on to bigger and better things. I would love for the WWE branding thing to officially end with these two high flyers participating more in RAW and Smackdown.

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