Yesterday, McNamee’s lawyer, Richard Emery, said that President Bush would pardon Roger Clemens. What do you have to say to that, Rusty Hardin?

“Richard Emery just has to quit smoking his own dope,” said Rusty Hardin, one of Clemens’ attorneys.
Goodness, was Rusty Hardin this hi-larious when defending Arthur Andersen?

After yesterday’s bigger-waste-of-tax-dollars-than-usual, the backwater lawyers of each client continue to spout off about nearly anything and everything. Now, although Roger Clemens hasn’t been convicted (or charged) with a crime, Brian McNamee’s lawyer thinks President Bush will pardon Clemens. Sure, why the hell not?
Lawyer Richard Emery made the claims Thursday, a day after a congressional hearing broke down along party lines. Many Democrats were skeptical of Clemens’ denials he used performance-enhancing drugs and Republicans questioned the character of McNamee, the personal trainer who made the accusations against the seven-time Cy Young Award winner.
“It would be the easiest thing in the …read more

Clemens: Remember what Carmelo Anthony says about snitching?
Don’t.
Andy Pettitte, who admitted to using HGH immediately after he as accused of doing so, is likely to testify to that effect before Congress. This is probably going to screw Roger Clemens, but whatever, Clemens has his own foolproof statistical defense which cannot be refuted in any way!
“Based on what we know, there was a situation where Andy was speaking to Roger in Brian’s presence, then Andy came over to Brian and essentially said, ‘Why didn’t you tell me about this stuff?’ He referred to HGH,” Ward said. “Brian discouraged him and then …read more

Here’s the whole thing. All 409 pages of it. Four-freaking-hundred and nine. Is that really necessary? I mean, we could have just done with a list. It could have said these guys were stupid enough to have steroids delivered to their house or pay with checks.
Television has ruined my attention span. There is no way I can read that whole thing without going crazy. I need my sports information presented to my by a black man and an old Jewish man in 30 second intervals. Sorry Mitchell Report.
Anyways, here’s the notable (and in no way surprising) names from the …read more

Yeah, well screw you.
Sincerely,
The Federal Government

 
Ricky Williams is back, my friends! And after Mike Vick’s kennel, Chris Henry’s various misadventures, Tank Johnson’s stash of guns, Pacman Jones’ making it rain, and all the various other NFL misdeeds since your departure, you really are like a breath of fresh air. Well, maybe not fresh air.

The Colorado Rockies have had nothing to do for a while. They haven’t lost since 2003 and may be a little over confident. They swept the D-Backs a couple weeks ago or something, and I think they’re getting a little stir-crazy. This confident boredom might have led to them getting in a little bit over their heads.
They’re trying to trademark “Rocktober.” Seriously. They’re concerned that it’s going to be used on unlicensed merchandise. But they’ve apparently forgotten about the countless number of classic rock stations that have been calling October “Rocktober” for years. They will have thousands of angry DJs …read more

See, Michael Vick signed his contract. Then he got a bonus for signing his contract. They called this a “signing bonus.” Recently, Michael Vick was convicted on dog-fighting charges. This is all pretty despicable. To my knowledge, he hasn’t gone back in time and not signed his contract. So, because I’m not a lawyer, it makes little sense to me that Vick now has to return substantial amounts of his signing bonus, along with other bonuses. (Boni?)
The arbitrator says that this is because Vick was in violation of his contract — and knew of the violations — when he signed …read more

Al Sharpton wants Isiah Thomas to apologize to women. Isiah Thomas doesn’t want to apologize to women. This, apparently, is his reasoning.
“You can’t say that. You can say what you didn’t say because if you say what you didn’t say, than y’all print what is said. That’s how you got me on the Bird stuff,” Thomas said. “Whenever you say something, it just twists it.”
Well, it’s time to bust out the ol’ actual meaning translator, because I’m not sure that means anything at all.
…translating…

…translating…
“Ummm….bitch?”

The Northern Colorado punter who stabbed the starting punter in a bizarre bid to play has been sentenced.
Former Northern Colorado backup punter Mitch Cozad was sentenced to seven years in prison Tuesday for stabbing a rival in what prosecutors said was a brutal attempt to take over the starter’s role.
“Clearly, this was deliberate to hurt him, and you succeeded,” Weld County District Judge Marcelo Kopcow told Cozad as he announced the sentence.”The goal is to not ruin your life,” Kopcow said. “I would like you to succeed in your life.”
Prosecutors said Cozad ambushed starting punter Rafael Mendoza on the night …read more